The Secrets of Lake Road

He didn’t know what she meant, nor did he care. She could talk nonsense all night long as long as she talked with him, lay next to him.

But she remained silent after that. Billy and Eddie’s discussion grew more animated, and their voices cut across the field. Occasionally, Sheila joined the debate. But to Kevin the others seemed as far away as the stars from where he lay next to Jo. It was just the two of them in the open field under the shimmering night sky. He could just make out the rise and fall of her chest, the slight part in her lips as she stared into the night.

“Do you ever dream about the future, Kev?” she asked. “About what you want to do with your life?”

“Sure, I guess. I mean, doesn’t everybody?”

“I suppose.” She turned to look at him. “What do you dream about?”

“I dream about this,” he said. A shadow covered her face, and he couldn’t see her eyes. “About lying next to you under the stars.”

She swatted his arm. “Seriously, what do you dream about?”

“I am being serious,” he said, and under the cover of dark, he found the courage to add, “I dream about you.”

“Stop screwing around,” she said, her tone suddenly sober. “I want something more than just this place. I want to travel and see the world. I want to be of the world, not just in it. I want to dance under the stars on faraway beaches. I want to taste exotic cuisine. I want … I want…” She broke off. “I want something more out of life. I want to be free.” She wrapped her pinky finger around his.

His heart soared.

Billy’s voice boomed from somewhere close behind them. “Hey, you two lovebirds,” he said in an innocent, teasing way, as though the two couldn’t possibly be anything more than friends.

Kevin’s stomach suddenly burned with anger and something close to rage. Why was it so impossible for Billy to imagine Jo might actually want to be with him?

Jo unraveled her finger from Kevin’s and reached for Billy. He pulled her up and into his arms, kissing her face and neck, his hands roaming up and down her body, gripping her in a tight embrace.

Kevin slowly got to his feet and made his way back to the dugout. He grabbed his guitar. Eddie and Sheila had moved to the far corner of the bench to be alone. Kevin looked back across the field. He could no longer separate Billy’s body from Jo’s.

He felt sick. He made it as far as the dirt road that led into the colony, dropped to his knees, and vomited.

He didn’t fully grasp what Jo meant when she said she wanted to be free. Did she mean free of Billy? And if that were true, could he give her what she wanted? Would she even let him try? But she had held his hand, or his finger, as they gazed at the stars. She had reached out to him. What else could it have meant? He vowed he would do whatever it would take to make her happy. Just give me a chance, Jo, he whispered to himself. I promise to do what I have to, to never let you go.

*

“Hey.” Johnny waved his hand in front of Kevin’s face. “She’s not in the dugouts,” he said. “Maybe we should try the Pavilion. Why is Mom looking for her anyway? I mean, what’s the big deal?”

Kevin pulled on the cigarette, shaking off the memory. “I don’t know, but I’m sure we’ll find out.”

They walked the Lake Road rather than taking the old path through the woods. The rain had finally stopped, but the path would be slippery and wet. The air was thick with humidity. Kevin’s skin felt sticky, the booze from last night seeping from his pores.

When they reached the Pavilion and lake, Sheriff Borg’s vehicle was in the parking lot along with several other cars. A crowd of teenagers gathered around a customized sports car. Kevin recognized Chris, Dee Dee’s son, leaning in the driver’s-side window, talking to whomever sat behind the wheel. A couple of teenage girls posed near the car, trying to look sophisticated, maybe even sexy. Kevin was embarrassed to catch himself looking at one of the girl’s large breasts. She waved. He pointed to his chest as if to say, Me? Then he looked behind him and had to laugh at himself when Johnny waved back. She had to be Johnny’s girl.

“So, uh,” Johnny said. He couldn’t meet Kevin’s eyes. “I’m going to go. Tell Mom, if I see Caroline, I’ll let her know she’s looking for her.” He started to walk away with a familiar swagger that made Kevin feel as though someone had kicked him in the gut.

“Johnny,” he called.

Johnny turned, tossing the long hair out of his eyes.

“Do you love her?” Kevin asked, but only loud enough for Johnny to hear.

The personal question took them both by surprise. Johnny looked at his feet and then over his shoulder at his friends. He turned back toward Kevin. “Not really,” he said.

“That’s good,” Kevin said, and crushed the cigarette he had been smoking underneath his sneaker. “You’re better off.”