Sister Mary Grace came all the way up to my attic last night after supper. She brought me a dusty old bar of chocolate on a tray—I don’t know where she’d had it hidden away—and this package, too.
“Christmas isn’t for a few days,” she said. “But I want you to have an early present. Well, Anna wanted you to have it. Sometimes people die when they get too sick, and there is nothing we can do but let them return to the Lord.”
In the barn, I run my thumb along the corners of the package, its paper worn from me handling it all morning, afraid to open it. I know this shape. I know this size. I know exactly what I will find when I pull loose that twine and strip off the paper.
The bell tolls outside. Thomas will come back soon with the shovel, clods of dirt from the southern slope on his boots.
I open the brown paper and brown twine. Beneath it lie all the colors of the rainbow. I open the top flap of the colored pencil box and breathe in the smell of wood and paint.
The little sheep with its chin on my leg starts to snore. I curl up next to it, hugging Anna’s box of colored pencils.
I DON’T SEE FOXFIRE for days. I can’t. I am so sad about Anna that my limbs don’t want to move. I am so sad and angry with God that I just want to hide and cry. Sister Mary Grace frowns when she takes my temperature, and takes pity on me and lets me skip classes to draw quietly in my bedroom instead. But then a swollen half-moon comes and casts a dangerous glow over the world beyond my attic window.
And I know: I must be strong for Foxfire, even now. The Horse Lord is depending on me.
I wait until Sister Constance is in her office and the other children are in the classroom working on letters home to their families, and sneak out through the library window. I won’t be missed. They think I’m in the attic.
My legs are so weak that the walk to the sundial garden feels longer than ever before. The climb over the wall feels like a mountain. But when I drop down, Foxfire is there.
She looks up at me.
And oh, how I have missed her.
I had forgotten her apple smell. I had forgotten her silken hair. I had forgotten how alive I felt with her soft dark eyes on me, the small nod of her head that says she missed me, just as I missed her.
And yet, strangely, there is no letter from the Horse Lord. Days have passed. I expected an entire stack of letters, especially as the full moon is only a week away, but there is nothing.
An uneasy feeling makes my hand tremble, but I manage to write a new note on a scrap of paper I brought with me, and tuck it under the sundial:
Dear Horse Lord,
Why haven’t you written? Are you all right? I do not know if you know this, but the Black Horse tried to attack. He is so wicked, so mean, that I truly hate him! But Foxfire is safe, and I am surrounding her with every colorful object I can find, though I do not know if it will be enough. Sometimes horses die when they get too sick. I do not want her to die. Please tell me what to do.
Truly,
Emmaline May
And then, it’s Christmas Eve. I don’t know how Christmas can arrive without Anna, but it does, and Sister Mary Grace tells me I must not keep to myself anymore.
And then, it’s Christmas Eve.
Our families are not allowed to visit, but Mr. Mason from the farm next door comes in the afternoon, when the shadows are long, with a Christmas tree. He pulls it in his donkey cart and stands outside, talking to the Sisters, who rub their bare hands in the cold. We all watch with our faces pressed against the glass.
“We’ve never had a tree before,” Peter says. He and Jack have been here the longest now, and have seen two Christmases at the hospital. “Sister Constance says Christmas is about Christ’s birth, not Saint Nicholas.”
“The Americans sent presents last year,” Jack says wistfully, nose pressed to the glass. “Enough to fill the whole chapel, but the Sisters only let us keep one each. I got my steam engine train. And now it’s gone missing.” He is silent, and I turn away, and hope my cheeks are not burning too red.
After a few tense moments of argument outside, when the donkey starts hee-hawing from the cold, Sister Constance throws up her hands. The farmer grins, and lifts the tree to his shoulder.
The other children cheer.
I watch the snow falling, standing apart from them all. It doesn’t feel right. Not without Anna. And now without the Horse Lord, too.
Then a tree is coming straight through the front door and into the library, filling the room with forest smells, and leaving a trail of sap and needles in its wake. “Benny, go find Thomas,” Sister Mary Grace says, “and have him fetch a bucket and some screws.”
Benny darts off down the hall.
“Emmaline, get a pot of water.”