“And Hannibal Lecter was a psychologist before they found human remains in his f-f-fava beans.” How she managed to say that with a straight face was beyond me.
“First of all, that’s fiction. Secondly, if you think I didn’t look at this from all different angles, then you’re sadly mistaken. Remember who you’re talking to, here. I’m the one with the trust issues, so if I’m telling you it’s all right, then you should probably believe me.”
“Says the girl who wound up in a three-year relationship with a psychotic, married man and had his baby.” The second those words came out, she regretted them. Her mouth opened and closed, as if she were trying to swallow them back down, but it didn’t change anything. She’d crossed a line, and she was well aware of it.
I ripped my hands away and retreated a few steps, needing to be away from her but not having anywhere to go in her tiny apartment. Out of everything, I couldn’t believe she’d chosen that to throw back in my face.
“I’m sorry, Jade. I have no idea why I even said that.”
“Sure you do. You said it because that’s how you feel. To hear what you truly think of what I went through, hurts…really badly.” I thought about grabbing Aria up and leaving, but I didn’t have anywhere to go. And I was pretty sure Cash wasn’t prepared for us to move in today.
“I never hid how I felt about that asshole. That’s never been a secret. I’ve spent six years hating a man I didn’t know, because you refused to tell me anything about him. Sometimes it takes a second to remember the truth—who he is and what he’s done to you. I hated him then, I hate him now…those things will never change. I’m just the horrible bitch who sometimes forgets the whole story.”
She meant what she said, and as much as I wanted to be mad over her throwing it all in my face the way she had, she made a valid argument.
“Just…will you please do this for me?”
“Do what, Jade?” She seemed exhausted, defeated. “Watch Aria for you? You know I will. But I’d feel a helluva lot more comfortable if you’d let me go with you.”
I shook my head, my mind already made up. “Irrational or not, this is my decision, and I don’t want her meeting Cash—or vice versa—until later. If this all works out, I plan on moving in next Monday, when I know he’ll be gone for the week.”
“If you’re so concerned about him, why are you doing this?”
“I’m not concerned about him. I’m worried about Aria.”
Her brows pinched together and her gaze darkened. “Worried about what?”
“I don’t want her to get attached if this doesn’t work out. I don’t want her freaking out or being scared and giving him the wrong impression, making him change his mind. I also don’t want her to misunderstand anything. She’s two, so I don’t expect her to know what’s going on, but look at it for a minute, Stevie. We lived at my mom’s house where she was practically ignored. She had to watch me cry all the time. Then we come here, and this isn’t stable. We’re living out of a suitcase and sleeping on the couch. I have no idea what to expect from Cash’s house, so I want to absorb all this first, and then work her into it. It’ll be an adjustment, and I just don’t know how she’ll handle it.” When I finally stopped talking, I felt out of breath.
“I just can’t figure out what would possess you to move in with a guy you know virtually nothing about, a guy you met online. Can you explain that to me so I can wrap my brain around it? You of all people should understand the dangers of what you’re doing.”
“You won’t understand.”
“Try me.” She wasn’t arguing, more like pleading for an ounce of insight.
I fell onto the edge of the couch cushion and busied myself with folding our bedding. Aria sat on the floor, her sippy cup in hand, and watched cartoons as if nothing else was happening around her.
“I need to get out of this town. I can’t afford to live here, and you don’t have room for us. You didn’t two months ago when you took us in, and you don’t now. Derek is ready to feed us magic Kool-Aid just to get rid of us. But I don’t blame him. This place is far too small for three and a half people, and if I’m being honest, it’s unfair to ask me to bathe in the kitchen sink. I can’t afford to keep buying diapers for a two-year-old who should be potty trained by now, but I can’t do that because I don’t have a toilet at my disposal.” My frustrations began to mount, and I worried if I didn’t stop now, I’d end up saying something I couldn’t take back.
I owed Stevie—and Derek—so much for taking us in when we had nowhere to go. None of my anger had anything to do with them or their immense generosity. But it was time to leave. I’d overstayed my welcome tenfold, and the longer I waited, the worse it became.
“Have you looked at other options? Or did you just jump at the chance to leave?”
“You’re joking, right? Of course I’ve tried to find alternative solutions, but I have none. What do you want me to do? What is it you think I’ve ignored or haven’t thought of? I even went to the college and called random strangers about their room-for-rent posters. You’re all concerned about me moving in with Cash, but how is that any different?”
“At least you’d be in town, closer to me if you need anything.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart and lower my climbing blood pressure. “I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me, and all you continue to do, but I can’t stay in Fort Pierce any longer. I feel trapped here, and the cost of living is too high.”
“And you think Geneva Key is better? Jade…have you seen the houses there? Hell, have you ever been there? I’m fairly certain a bottle of water at the corner store is close to five bucks. It’s a tourist trap, run by retired millionaires with nothing better to do with their time than take money from poor, unsuspecting travelers on vacation from up north.”
“I’m working it out with Cash.”
“So you still have no idea how much he plans to charge you?”
I shook my head, unwilling to fight anymore.
“What if you can’t afford it?”
“Then I’m back to square one, aren’t I?” I tossed Aria’s blanket on the seat next to me and folded my hands in my lap. “Like I said, you won’t understand. All I’m asking is for you to help me with Aria tomorrow so I can drive over there and check it out. Nothing is set in stone. I haven’t moved. I can still back out, just like he can still change his mind.”
Her lips twisted to the side. “I’ll agree to watch her while you’re gone tomorrow, but it does not, in any way, shape, or form mean I’m on board with this cockamamie idea of yours. Let the record show I think this is a horrible decision.”
“Don’t worry, it’s on record.” I stood and crossed the room, where I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. “Thank you. Really, I appreciate everything.”
“Remember this when you’re three hours away and need someone to watch her, and you have no one because you left me behind.”