She said the words with a sad smile that broke my heart. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her as far into me as I could without disrupting our manicures.
We spent the next half hour chatting quietly about her entering middle school, finally being at a school without her brother, and which boy band she’d fallen in love with over the summer. When our nails were dry we stood and as I went to pay she asked the tech if they had a restroom.
“I’ll meet you up front,” I said as she wandered to the back of the salon where the tech said the bathrooms were.
I paid and then took my phone out and started thumbing through my e-mails, catching up on some district communication from the school. It was boring, back-to-school business, but it took a few minutes to read through. When I got to the end, I realized Ruby had been gone a while and I debated whether I should check on her or not. I decided to give her a few minutes, but with each passing second she was gone, worry worked its way through me. Finally, I walked to the back of the salon, following the path I’d seen her take, to a door with a restroom sign on it.
I knocked gently and called out to her. “Ruby, are you in there?”
“Grace?” she asked, and my heart squeezed at her voice. She sounded panicked and scared. “Is that you?”
“Yes, sweetie, it’s me. Are you all right?” I pressed my ear to the door, trying to grasp any tiny piece of information about what was bothering her. Had she gotten sick? Was she hurt? I heard sniffling, like she was crying, and I knocked more urgently. “Ruby, what’s going on?”
Finally I heard shuffling, then the lock clicked, and the door opened just slightly. I saw Ruby’s tearstained face and every instinct inside me went into overdrive. Something was wrong with her and I needed to fix it. She wouldn’t meet my gaze, but after a moment she opened the door and took a step back, allowing me in.
I slipped into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me, and then took a moment to look her up and down. She didn’t appear to be hurt, but there weren’t any other clues as to why she was upset.
“Ruby, can you tell me what’s wrong?”
She finally looked up at me, but then burst into tears. She reached up to wipe the tears away, but I went straight to her and wrapped my arms around her, running my hand down her hair. I held her while she cried and I just kept praying she’d tell me what was upsetting her. Finally, the cries died down, but she didn’t let go of me. A few moments later, she finally spoke.
“I think I started my period.”
There were so many emotions blooming in my mind, it was hard to keep them all from overwhelming me. The first was relief; I was so glad there wasn’t something more serious bothering her. The second was concern, then confusion, and then I just wanted to hug her.
So I did.
“Is this your first one, sweetie?” I asked gently, trying not to say the wrong thing. She nodded against my chest, and my heart just ached for her. Suddenly, everything fell into place: her stomachache, the fatigue, the general ickiness she felt. This would also be a huge reminder of the fact that her mother was gone. No matter how well Ruby and I got along, no matter how much she liked me, I could only think of how much she was probably missing her mother. I knew I could never replace her, but right then I vowed I would do everything to make this day easier for her.
“It’s okay. Hey,” I said, pulling away and cupping her wet face with my hands. “Everything is going to be all right. I know it’s scary and probably not a lot of fun right now, but this is a magical day, Ruby. Today’s the day you become a woman.” I couldn’t help the tears that stung my eyes and the pinching in the back of my throat. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but this is something to celebrate.” I let out a little laugh. The words were so true, but I hated getting my period. “You’re part of an elite club now.”
“An elite club?” she asked, her tone sardonic.
“Yes,” I exclaimed. “Being a woman is a beautiful thing, and even though it sometimes sucks, you should appreciate all the things your body is capable of. You don’t need to think about having kids for another ten or fifteen years, maybe even twenty, but this is just your body preparing itself for the most amazing feats.”
“Amazing feats?” she parroted, still not buying into my spiel.
“Growing and birthing babies. It’s the most amazing thing anyone will ever do with their body, and only women can do it, Ruby. It’s a gift.”
“It doesn’t feel like a gift.”
“I know. Most of the time it doesn’t, but it is.” My throat tightened again, thinking about the torture of still getting a period, my monthly reminder that my body was broken.
“Do you have anything at home? Pads? Midol?”
“My school gave out these little boxes that have three pads in them,” she said.
“Well, that’s not going to do the trick at all. You’ve got nothing else at home?”