I’d wanted to walk her to her door, wanted to make at least one thing about our date normal, but with Ruby and Jax in tow it wasn’t ideal. So we’d settled for a good-bye in the car, both of us staying in our own seats, but her smile and her eyes told me she was feeling the same as me; wishing I could walk her and we could get another tiny moment alone.
I pulled out of the parking lot, trying to think if there was anything that absolutely had to be done that day. Not thinking of anything pressing, I said to the kids, “You guys wanna have a lazy pajama day at home? Pizza for dinner?”
“Yay,” Jaxy yelled, obviously enthused with the idea.
“I’m always down for a lazy day if pizza is involved,” Ruby agreed.
I exhaled, relief puffing out with my breath. I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been. But hearing the kids answer with their usual easiness made something inside me relax. It had been a crazy fifteen hours, and I was glad the kids were game to relax.
“You still feeling all right, Ruby?”
“Yeah,” she answered quickly, giving me a small smile in the rearview mirror. That was typical Ruby. She didn’t get sick often, but when she did it was like a tidal wave. It rolled in quick, tore her apart, and then rolled out just as quickly. There had been many nights Olivia had stayed up with her, doting on her, refusing to sleep because she knew the next round of sickness was only minutes away. I’d offered to stay up with her, but she would always wave me away, insisting that only one of us needed to be sleep-deprived, that she would need me to be rested to take care of Jaxy in the morning. Olivia’s biggest transformation came with motherhood.
It didn’t surprise me later when I came upon Ruby sleeping on the couch. She might have felt all right, but her body was still feeling the effects of her illness. Jax was outside, jumping on the trampoline I’d purchased the first spring we’d lived in this house. After their mother died, I found myself trying and doing anything to ease big transitions. New school? Brand-new bikes. New house? Big trampoline. I knew I couldn’t buy them things to ease every one of their pains, but sometimes it made me feel better too. Like, at least I could give them something, even if I could never give them their mother back.
“Dad.” I heard Ruby’s voice right after I’d turned to head back to my bedroom. I turned around again and saw her still lying on the couch, but now her eyes were open and she was looking at me.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Were you on a date with Grace?”
My stomach bottomed out at her question. I had thought, after the uneventful morning, the kids hadn’t thought much about Grace’s presence, but apparently I was wrong. The only thing I was completely sure of in that moment, was that I had no idea how to handle it.
I walked back to the couch and lifted Ruby’s feet enough to slide under them, letting her legs rest over my lap.
“Sometimes adults just like to spend time with other adults,” I said slowly, just trying words on to see if they fit, if Ruby would accept them.
“That’s what Grace said, too.”
My head tilted and my eyebrows drew together. “You spoke to Grace about it?”
“I asked her if you guys were on a date. She said the same thing, that grown-ups just like to spend time with other grown-ups.”
She asked Grace, too? I ran my hand over my face, trying to buy a little time.
“I like Grace” were my next brilliant words. “I think she’s nice. What do you think?”
Ruby shrugged. “She’s nice enough.” Her voice was low and I knew she wasn’t being completely honest with me about her feelings.
“But…?”
“It just surprised me that she was still here, I guess.”
“Listen, last night I was out with Grace, but then you got sick and all my plans got rearranged really fast. I never intended to have Grace spend the night, but she wanted to help and it was either let her stay here, or take you kids to drive her home.”
Ruby blinked at me, eyes wide and understanding.
“In all honesty,” I said, then released a huge breath, trying to brace myself for a hard conversation. “Grace and I were on a date.”
Ruby didn’t say anything at first, but I couldn’t help but notice that at my words her chest stopped moving. She was still for a very long moment, and then her breath came whooshing out. Her eyes filled with tears.
Shit.
“Ruby, honey, don’t cry.”
“Do you love her?” she whispered, the words surrounded by cries.
“Love her? Ruby, no. It was just one date.” I lifted her legs and scooted closer until she was forced to sit up, now fully in my lap, her head resting against my chest. “What’s wrong?”
“My friend Zoey from school said that when her dad married her stepmom, she just, like, all of a sudden was at their house all the time. Like one day she was there and the next day they were married.”
I rolled my eyes while still running my hand down her back, trying to soothe her. “Zoey is a liar, Ruby. We’ve talked about this before. She was very likely exaggerating. I’m not in love with Grace, we’re not getting married tomorrow, and you’re not getting a stepmom.”
“Not tomorrow, anyway,” she said, pointedly.