She looks back toward the church, and now says, “I think I’m ready.”
Beyond his sister and the stone wall, Paul sees Donna trudging across the grass. Alice trails behind her, jogging as she yells at their mother to wait, her heels dangling from her left hand.
Upon hearing them, Eloise turns as well. Paul watches as she stares at them, and he wonders what she’s thinking: if she sees love or a letdown; salvation or inconvenience. Reaching down, she gathers up the train of her dress and begins trudging up to them, working her way across the broad swath of grass. He stays behind for a moment, and as his sisters and his mother vanish behind the abbey’s arches and spires he stares upward, past his blinding hangover, to a point in the distance that he can’t quite grasp. A bit of infinity where blue bleeds to white, where absence and hope collide. He thinks of the beautiful, gut-wrenching future awaiting them, and the claw marks they’ve left in everything they’ve given up. He thinks of all the times they’ve faced the world on two steady feet, and all the times he knows it will knock them over to the ground. Mostly, though, he thinks—he forces himself to think—that for today, at least for today, they’ll all be okay.
Acknowledgments
This book is indebted to the generosity, humor, talent, and time of so many wonderful people. And I’m going to do my best to name them here.
As always, the brilliant Richard Pine and Eliza Rothstein have worked tirelessly on my behalf. Thank you for taking my calls and keeping me in check.
James Melia is, frankly, a terrifyingly good editor, and an equally impressive drinking partner. Without him, this book would be a stack of pages in a drawer somewhere. Thanks also to the superb team at Flatiron Books: Amy Einhorn, Colin Dickerman, Bob Miller, Marlena Bittner, Greg Villepique, and all the rest. You’ve taken better care of me than I possibly deserve.
When it comes to being a genius reader, unflappable friend, and all-around mensch, Peter Schottenfels is second to none. Thanks for reading every word (often twice).
Special thanks, also, to other early readers: Irini Spanidou, Chris Rovzar, Ali Bujnowski, Beth Machlan, Max Ross, Molly Schulman, Peyton Burgess, and Zach Patton. Your advice and guidance are present on every page.
Topher Burns: Thanks for asking me who I hated at the wedding.
Steph Myatt: Thanks for having the wedding.
Mac McCarty: Thank you for your love, compassion, and patience on nights when I did nothing but type. It’s difficult to imagine what life would look like without you.
Finally, I owe momentous thanks to my family. Mom, Dad, Reid, Katie, Sam, and Henry: You keep me just the right amount of crazy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.