‘How tragic. I must write immediately to her husband.’
‘Death makes saints of us all, doesn’t it?’ Drummond gave her a wry smile. ‘Anyway, now you’re well and the weather has improved, I’ll probably make tracks in the next day or so.’
‘Surely there’s more rain to come?’
‘Perhaps, but I don’t want to be under your feet any longer.’
‘Please stay until the weather is more settled,’ she begged, the thought of him leaving unbearable. She was sure it was his voice that had called her back when she’d stood on the brink of death. ‘Charlie adores you.’
‘That’s kind of you to say so. And you?’
‘Mama! Uncle Drum!’ Charlie burst through the door. ‘Our hut is finished. Will you come and see it now?’
‘Of course.’ Kitty stood up, grateful her son had broken the moment.
They crowded into the tiny hut, drank tea and ate the iced buns that Tarik had made. They had the texture of bullets, but nobody minded.
‘Can we sleep in here tonight, Mama?’ Charlie begged.
‘Sorry, darling, but no. Cat sleeps with her mother, and you sleep in your bedroom.’
Charlie pouted as the adults rose and crouched down to leave the claustrophobic space.
That evening, Kitty took more time than normal to perform her toilette. Whether it was the way Drummond had nursed her, his voice pulling her back towards life, or the way he played so naturally with Charlie and Cat, she could deny it no longer. Dabbing her neck with a little perfume even though she knew it attracted mosquitoes, she stared at her reflection in the looking glass.
‘I love him,’ she told it. ‘God save me, I can’t help it.’
They ate dinner together that evening, Kitty’s hands shaking as she struggled through the three courses. Whether Drummond could feel the sudden electricity in the air, she had no idea. He ate well, enjoying a bottle of wine from a case that Andrew had had sent up from Adelaide. He seemed oblivious to the seismic shift inside her.
‘Might you pass me a small glass of the wine?’ she asked.
‘Do you think that’s wise?’ Drummond frowned at her request. ‘I hardly think it’s a good idea, given the delicate state of your health.’
‘Maybe not, but I wish to toast to the fact that I still have health to worry about, and am not lying in the morgue like poor Mrs Jefford.’
‘All right.’ He poured her a thimbleful.
‘A little more, if you please.’
‘Kitty . . .’
‘For God’s sake, I’m a grown woman! If I wish to take a glass of wine, I shall.’
‘I can see you’re better.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Back to your bossy ways.’
‘Am I bossy?’ she asked him.
‘It was a joke, Kitty. Most things I say are. What’s bitten you tonight? You’re as jumpy as an unbroken mare.’
Kitty took a sip of her wine. ‘I think that almost losing my life has . . . changed me.’
‘I see. How?’
‘I suppose I’ve realised how fleeting it can be.’
‘It can indeed. And here in this great new world of ours, more so than most other places.’
‘I will also confess that in the past I’ve doubted God’s existence, but that night I felt him. I felt his love.’
‘God’s oath!’ Drummond refilled his glass with wine. ‘You’ve had an epiphany. Will you soon be begging the local reverend to be the first female to take the cloth?’
‘For once will you stop teasing me!’ Kitty drained her wine, already feeling her head spinning. ‘The point is that I . . . that is . . .’
‘For pity’s sake, Kitty, spit it out.’
‘Just like I felt His love, I love you, Drummond. And I believe I have done so since the first moment we met.’
Kitty reached for the bottle of wine but Drummond snatched it away from her. ‘No more of that, missy. It brings back far too many bad memories. And’ – he grasped her wrist – ‘I want to believe you mean what you’re saying.’
‘I mean it. Yes.’ Kitty laughed suddenly. ‘And no, I am not drunk on a thimbleful of wine, but on relief! Have you any idea how exhausting it has been to deny my feelings for the past few weeks? Please, I beg you, Drummond, can we simply celebrate the joy of being alive? In this moment? And not worry about tomorrow, or what’s right or wrong . . .’
After a long silence, he finally spoke. ‘You have no idea how happy your confession makes me feel. However, putting aside the small glass of wine you’ve just drunk, I think that you are perhaps more drunk on life itself, having so recently almost lost it. As much as I am desperate to love you in all possible ways, I suggest that for your sake, a hiatus is required. Some time for you to regain your strength and contemplate what you have said to me tonight. And the ramifications it would have for both of us and our family.’
Kitty stared at him in disbelief. ‘Here I am, wantonly offering you my body and soul, and you choose this moment to be sensible! Time is a luxury that is finite and, my God, I do not want to waste another second of it.’
‘And by taking some of it to think about what you have said, it will not be wasted. If you’re still of the same mind in a few days, well—’
‘Now I am speaking from my heart, you from your head . . . Good grief!’ Kitty wrung her hands. ‘Do you always find a way to be contrary? Or is it perhaps because seeing me so sick, and my body . . . out of control, has changed your mind?’
‘I have seen every inch of your body, I can assure you it is quite beautiful.’ Drummond reached out his hand towards her, but she refused it and stood up on her still weak legs.
‘I am retiring to bed.’ She walked to the door, as straight-backed as she could manage, but an arm grabbed her and pulled her to him.
‘Kat, I . . .’ Then he kissed her roughly and her already giddy head spun even more. When he removed his lips and released his grip, she almost sank to the floor.
‘You are as insubstantial as a ragdoll,’ he said gently as he supported her weight in his arms. ‘Come, I will escort you along the hall and up to your bedroom.’
Outside the door, he paused. ‘Have you the strength to undress yourself or should I help you?’ He gave her a wry smile.
‘I do,’ she managed.
‘I must know you are sure, Kitty, because I cannot come back from this once it has begun. Ever.’
‘I understand. Goodnight, Drummond.’
*
The few days he had asked for passed as slowly as watching a large boulder become sand. Luckily the children had their hut in which to play – Kitty had little idea of what they actually did together in there, but a stream of high-pitched giggles emanated from it whenever she went to check on them.
Drummond had announced he had some business to conduct in town for his father and had absented himself from the house for most of the time, leaving Kitty to pace restlessly, mad with the oppressive heat and feverish desire. No matter how many times she told herself to ‘think’, as he had asked her to do, her rational brain seemed to have completely deserted her. And even when a loving telegram from Andrew arrived, she could not muster the necessary guilt to dominate her treacherous thoughts.