Ma came to my rescue. ‘I would just like to say,’ she began, ‘that I am so proud of you, CeCe, for how far you have come on your journey. Chérie, you are talented and brave, and your heart is true. I hope that Australia will give you everything you have been searching for in your life. We will all miss you, but we understand that our little dove must fly. Bon voyage!’
‘Bon voyage!’ everyone chorused and clinked glasses. I stood back and watched them, this eclectic collection of people who had been knitted together by love. And I would always be a part of this patchwork quilt of humanity, even if I was flying off to the other side of the world tomorrow.
‘Are you okay?’ Star nudged me.
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I swallowed. ‘Your family’s great, by the way.’
Mouse appeared at her elbow. ‘We need to leave now or we’ll be late. Sorry, CeCe.’
‘Okay.’ Star looked at me miserably. ‘Cee, are you sure you don’t want to come to the party with us?’
‘Really, don’t worry about me. I need to do some final clearing up and packing. It’s just bad timing.’
‘I should stay here with you tonight.’ Star bit her lip as Mouse handed her her coat. ‘Oh Cee, I have no idea when we’ll see each other again.’
Sylvia came to say goodbye to me and wish me luck, then it was Ma’s turn.
‘Goodbye, chérie, promise me you will take good care of yourself, and keep in touch?’ Ma hugged me, and I saw Star shrug on her coat, then begin to walk back towards me.
‘Darling, we’re going to be late.’ Mouse took her arm and led her firmly towards the door. ‘Bye, CeCe.’
I love you, Star signed to me from the doorway.
Love you too, I signed back.
The door swung shut with a bang behind her, and I did my best not to howl my eyes out. I hated Mouse for not even allowing us a proper goodbye.
I put the glasses and plates into the dishwasher, glad of the distraction, then I went to my studio and dismantled my installation, taking it down piece by piece to the communal rubbish container outside the building.
‘You’re binned,’ I said to Mr Guy Fawkes as I stuffed him inside and slammed down the lid. Upstairs in the apartment, I watered Star’s plants for the last time. She’d handed me her key earlier, entreating me to make sure the new tenants took care of her ‘babies’, as she called them.
‘Wow, this is seriously the end of an era,’ I muttered as I paced the apartment, the silence reminding me of why I’d gone to Australia in the first place. Putting on my hoody, I braved the cold night air out on the terrace. I thought of Linda, and the life she’d never had; how she’d spent hers loving someone who would never love her. I felt a bit better then because, unlike her, I had a future to go to with people who did love me. What it might contain, I still wasn’t sure, but it was there for me to write it. Or, more accurately, paint it.
I looked up and found the tiny milky cluster and I thought how much brighter the Seven Sisters shone over the Alice.
My new home.
*
When the taxi arrived at five the next morning, the sky was still depressingly dark. In the end, I hadn’t bothered to go to bed, hoping it would help me sleep on the plane later. As we drove away from my apartment, a text pinged onto my phone.
CeCe, this is Linda Potter. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve decided to visit Anand. You were right, he needs my help and I will do what I can. God bless you, and safe journey to Australia.
Relief and pride rose up inside me, because I had changed Linda’s mind. Me, with my clumsy words . . . I’d actually managed to make a difference.
I checked in my three holdalls at Heathrow and walked to the security entrance, wondering if I’d remember this moment for the rest of my life, because it was so seminal. Then I thought how it was never the big moments I remembered; it was always the little things – picked out at random by some weird alchemy – that stuck in the photo album of my brain.
I dug in the front of my rucksack for my boarding pass, and my hand brushed against the sugary brown envelope which had once contained the clues to my past.
‘Christ,’ I breathed as I handed my boarding pass to the woman. I felt like it was almost a rerun of two months ago.
The woman nodded at me as she took it, looking half asleep, which was only fair because it wasn’t even seven o’clock in the morning yet. I was just about to walk through when I heard a voice behind me.
‘CeCe! Stop!’
I was so tired that I thought I was dreaming.
‘Celaeno D’Aplièse! Arrête! Stop!’
I turned round and there was Star.
‘Oh my God, Cee!’ Star panted as she arrived beside me. ‘I thought I’d missed you. Why on earth weren’t you answering your phone?’
‘I switched it off when I got out of the taxi,’ I said. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘We didn’t say goodbye properly last night. And I couldn’t let you leave without giving you a proper hug and telling you how much I’m going to miss you, and’ – Star wiped her nose on her sleeve – ‘saying thank you for everything you’ve done for me.’
She flung her arms around me and held me tighter than she ever had before, as if she couldn’t bear to let me go. We stood there for a while, then I pulled away, knowing if I didn’t, I’d stay forever.
‘I’d better go through,’ I mumbled, my voice croaky with emotion. ‘Thanks so much for coming.’
‘I’ll always be there for you, darling Cee.’
‘Me too. Bye, Sia.’
‘Bye. Keep in touch, won’t you? And promise you’ll come back to Atlantis for Pa’s first anniversary in June?’
‘Course I will.’
I blew a final kiss to Star, then I turned away and walked through security and into my future.
Tiggy
The Highlands, Scotland
January 2008
Aboriginal symbol for moon
37
‘You sure about going out again later, Tig? There’s a blizzard comin’ in,’ Cal said to me as he studied the benign blue sky through our cottage window, the midday sun sprinkling a glitter topping on the permanent layer of snow that covered the ground all winter. The view was Christmas-card perfect.
‘Yes! We just can’t take the chance, Cal, you know we can’t.’
‘I doubt even the Abominable Snowman’ll be out tanite,’ Cal muttered.
‘You promised we’d keep watch,’ I entreated him. ‘Look, I’ll take the radio with me and contact you if there’s any trouble.’
‘Tig, d’you really think I’m going tae let a wee lassie like you sit alone in a snowstorm while there’s a possible poacher with a rifle prowling the estate? Don’t be a dafty,’ Cal growled at me, his ruddy features showing irritation, then finally compliance. ‘No longer than a couple o’ hours, mind. After that, I’m dragging you home by the hair. I’ll not be responsible for you ending up with hypothermia again. Understand?’
‘Thanks Cal,’ I replied with relief. ‘I know Pegasus is in danger. I just . . . know it.’
*