We were immobilized in a tense triangle: me on my knees between the two men, Rafael pointing a gun at me, Damian pointing a gun at him. Their bond was apparent to me now. The guns were props. They were working out something much deeper, each trying to keep the other from making a wrong move. Rafael was ready to eliminate anything that compromised Damian, and Damian knew that taking a life would haunt Rafael forever. When Damian looked at Rafael, he saw the one thing that he had done right. He saw a sliver of redemption. And Damian had shielded Rafael for far too long to let him get blood on his hands now.
But there was another factor at play. Me. Damian had swung me out of the way on the boat and taken the blow himself. I knew he was also doing this to protect me. I knew why I had instinctively turned to him when I thought I was surrounded by sharks. Some part of me had recognized that soul-deep part of him, the part that was still alive but buried under layers of hurt and rage.
“We both know you won’t shoot me,” Rafael said to Damian, his finger on the trigger, eyes on me.
“Try me,” said Damian. “I told you before. You get in my way, I’ll take you out.”
Rafael didn’t look the least bit convinced. “You’re hurt, Damian. Delirious. You don’t know what you’re doing. As long as she’s alive, you’re in danger. They won’t stop until they find her. We have to cut the trail off right here.”
“I decide,” growled Damian. “I decide what to do and when to do it. This has nothing to do with you, so back the fuck off. Get on your boat, get off this island, and don’t look back. My life, my fight, my rules.”
Rafael didn’t move. Damian didn’t move. They both stood there, guns raised, too stubborn to admit that each was looking out for the other.
“I got the stuff you asked for, Rafael.” It was Manuel, back from his trip. “Your face is all over the news, Damian. The mainland was crawling with cops and private security guys hired by Warren Sedgewick.” He looked from Rafael to Damian, suddenly aware he’d tripped over a live wire. “Hey, man, what’s going on?”
Rafael and Damian didn’t respond. Manuel’s news had just added fuel to the fire. They continued warring without words, locked in a duel that stretched out into a thin, taut silence. Then Rafael broke contact.
“This is bullshit, Damian, and you know it,” he said. “If you’re determined to go down, don’t expect me to hang around and watch.” He took the case from Manuel and shoved it into Damian’s arms. “Medical supplies,” he said. “But seeing as you don’t give a fuck about your life, you probably won’t use them.” He was angry, so angry that he wouldn’t look Damian in the eye. “You’re not invincible, you know that? You’re a bull-headed prick who can barely stand. You need to get back inside and stay put. At least until the heat is off. I’ll look after the business end of things and get Manuel to plant your phone in Caboras. Let them go chasing for you there,” he said. “And next time I see you, you better be damn sure your stubborn ass is still standing.”
Damian stayed on his feet until Rafael and Manuel were out of sight. His legs didn’t buckle until he heard the boat taking off. Then he dropped like a sack of potatoes. I ran to him, feeling the weight of all the things I now knew about him. I brushed the hair back from his brow. He was burning up—his breath was hot, his skin clammy. Not only had he lost a lot of blood, but it seemed like an infection had set in from his wound.
Yesterday, I would have given anything to be free of him.
Die, Dah-me-yahn, DIE!
Today I was rummaging through the supplies Manuel had brought. I needed antibiotics to fight the infection. I needed something to bring his fever down. I needed him to open his eyes, to look at me, to say something, anything.
Live, Dah-me-yahn, LIVE!
Damian dangled between life and death, slipping in and out of consciousness all night. His pulse was erratic, sometimes hard and fast, sometimes barely detectable. I hovered over him, monitoring his fever, wringing out a towel and laying it on his forehead, like I remembered MaMaLu doing when we were sick. When the cold compresses turned lukewarm, I changed the water. Again and again and again.