He gave her a weak smile.
Yeah, she did. She owed him honesty and trust and a love he could count on. But he owed her the same. Neither of them had made good choices these past two weeks—hell, these past ten years. No matter what happened when she saw Spencer, this small separation would be good for her and Jamie, some distance to think. It was pretty impossible to reconcile your feelings for someone when he was always a seat or a bed away.
“I guess it wasn’t smooth sailing after the flat, huh?” she asked.
He laughed quietly. “Not even close.”
“I’ll text you when I get there.”
He nodded. “I’m heading back on the road Monday. Passenger seat’s yours if you want it. And if you don’t, it’s okay, Brynn.”
Her eyes burned. “Is it really, Jamie? If that’s how this all plays out, is it really okay? Are we okay?”
He shook his head. Ahhh, there’s the honesty.
“Probably not,” he said. “But I can’t stand in the way of your happiness. That’s never what I wanted from this. I love you too much.” He laughed again, but this time he did it without a smile. “I lied to myself—and to you—for a long time. But every day for eleven years, even when I wouldn’t admit it, I’ve loved you. It never lasted with anyone else because you’ve always had my heart.”
She reached for his cheek, and he didn’t pull away. She swiped a thumb underneath his eye, spreading wetness across his skin.
“Jamie.” Her voice broke on the second syllable of his name. “Is this really the only way you’ll believe that you have mine?” Because every second they stood here like this, she felt the crack widen—a fault line traveling down the center of her heart, the one that belonged to him.
He nodded, pressing a kiss into her palm, and her vision blurred with tears. Shit.
“I love you, Jamie Kingston. And I’m going to prove it.”
She stood on her toes and kissed him, grateful that he didn’t resist. She slipped her tongue between his lips, and he answered by doing the same. She didn’t care that they had an audience or that this kiss was the only thing keeping her from dissolving into a sobbing mess. All that mattered was his touch, that they connected before the road stretched out between them.
He pulled away first, his eyes dark with desire and pain.
The bus driver was loading the passengers’ luggage now. He’d already tried to throw hers below, but Brynn insisted on keeping her bag with her since the bus wasn’t too crowded. She wasn’t a fan of letting her stuff out of her sight while on a strange journey, and the bus driver didn’t argue with her. After he loaded the last few passengers’ bags, she’d have to board the bus.
She wasn’t sure what else to do, and when Jamie pulled her back into a hug, she breathed him in—their last connection before she said good-bye.
“We’ll find our way,” he said, but his tone didn’t match his words.
Friends. More than friends. Whatever it was, Brynn had to believe he was right. Because the alternative was unthinkable.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jamie was an idiot. He didn’t need Annie to tell him that again, but as he sat in the small waiting area of the auto body shop with a woman who was knitting something far too warm for autumn in Holbrook, that’s exactly what she was doing. At least he considered himself an idiot with purpose. That was a thing, right?
Annie: How could you put her on a bus?
Jamie: I bought the ticket and walked her to the bus stop.
He was glad he and Annie weren’t the type who actually spoke on the phone because he could picture her ready to explode at him right now. When she didn’t respond immediately, he worried his attempt at levity—for his fucked-up situation by the way, not hers—had royally backfired. When his phone finally vibrated again, he was ready to apologize for the stupid joke, but then he realized the vibration was not a text notification. The phone was ringing.
Jamie guessed their friendship was about to reach another level. He stepped outside to avoid any stares from knitting lady and answered the phone.
“Hey, Annie.”
“James…” She didn’t sound pissed, but she also didn’t sound like she was calling to comfort his wounded heart. Maybe he should remind her that he was the one with the potential to get obliterated here, that Brynn would probably get to L.A. and realize that Spencer Matthews actually is Mr. Right and Jamie, for the second time, was just Mr. Right Here. But Annie didn’t give him a chance to protest.
“Have you ever stopped to think,” she started, “that you might be forcing her to choose him? You push her far enough away, she’s going to eventually keep moving in that direction on her own.”