I pad out the door and down the stairs, arms wrapped tight around my chest as I watch my best friend leave. Leave the house or leave my life, I’m not sure, and that terrifies me. But I don’t ask. The potential answer is more terrifying than the question.
We make it outside, and the briny scent of the Gulf floats on the breeze. If I stretch my hearing, I imagine I can hear the bells and rings of Pleasure Pier. Maybe it’s good we never made it back. Better. If we were destined to break up anyway, I’d rather keep those memories between us untainted. A perfect snapshot of what we once were. Or could have been, had my head and heart not been owned by Justin Carter.
I stop at the base of the stairs and Cade tosses his bag in the bed of his truck. He stops near the driver’s side door, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. This is goodbye. We’ll see each other at the ranch, around the rodeo circuit, but it will never be the same. It’ll be tainted. Tainted with loss, sadness, and regret.
For a moment, I let myself wonder what it would’ve been like had things been reversed. How different our lives would be had Cade brought me to the pier freshman year, sweeping me off my feet before I even met Justin. It’s impossible to know for certain, but I’d like to think we’d have been great. Because Cade Donovan is an incredible guy. He’ll find his other half one day. He has way too much love to give not to.
Wrapping one hand around the stair railing as an anchor, I lift the other in a wave, knowing he needs me to be strong. If I ask him to, even now, he’d stay. He’d come back and pretend some more, but I can’t ask him to do that. Not anymore.
Cade nods slowly and his mouth lifts in a small, heartbroken smile. Then, he yanks open the door. The engine fires and I wince, feeling the finality of that sound.
As I stand there, watching the rapidly disappearing taillights, a shadow falls across mine on the pavement. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but it’s for the best.”
I give Aly my best attempt at a smile. “Speaking from experience?”
There’s no point in pretending she doesn’t know exactly what just happened. We weren’t exactly quiet, Carlos isn’t known for keeping his mouth shut, and, as I saw yesterday, Aly Reed is sneakily perceptive.
“Yep,” she confirms. She sets her car seat on the ground and lays her head on my shoulder. “It hurts, I know, but in the end, it’s always best to follow your heart. The sooner you do that, the less pain is involved.”
We stay like this, her head on my shoulder, my heart in my throat, for what feels like forever. The house is quiet. Sometime between Carlos peeking inside our bedroom, and Cade and I leaving it, the baseball team headed out. Well, the team minus Justin. Dad asked him to stay behind, knowing how hard it would be for him to sit in the dugout and not play in the Semi-finals. One bright spot is that by staying here, he was able to take care of Justin Jr. while my relationship imploded.
Aly breaks the silence by saying, “I’m here if you want to talk. I understand we’re not close, and I don’t know everything that went down, but Justin’s told me enough. He mentioned that you two were together once… and he told me that he loved you.”
I must gasp because she lifts her head and studies me. “He never told you?”
“Uh, no,” I stutter, torn between wanting to believe and doubting, and Aly rolls her eyes.
“Boys are stubborn creatures,” she says with a sigh, “and Justin is one of the worst. He’s stubborn and a flirt, but Peyton, I’ve never known him to lie. He said that he loved you and I believe him.” She covers her eyes with her hand, shielding her face from the sun. “Though, from the way he said it, I’m guessing things didn’t exactly end well. He implied it was his fault.”
I shrug, neither confirming nor denying her assumption, and look off into the distance. “In some ways, it was both our faults.”
It’s true, too. I was a mess back then. I was impulsive and daring, looking for ways to prove I was alive. That GBS hadn’t won. I took all the energy I normally reserved for barrel racing and put it into challenging myself, rushing through steps and pushing past fear. Pretending I had none.
Man, did that bite me in the ass.
Aly brushes sand off the bottom step and takes a seat. “Probably so, but from talking to him, it’s obvious Justin blames himself. I’m not gonna sit here and blow smoke up your skirt, claiming he won’t ever mess up again. He will. But I can promise you this—Justin’s a different guy than he used to be. He’s different than he was when we were freshmen, he’s different than he was when I dated him in the fall, and he’s changed even since this project began.”