“No.”
He’d said it so quietly I almost wasn’t sure he’d spoken at all. But then he closed his hand around the coin and raised his head. Time ceased to exist as Justin’s eyes trailed across my face. I held my breath waiting and a sweet smile crossed his face.
“Damn.” He shook his head softly. “You’ve done it now.”
“What?” I asked, hoping whatever it was that it was a good thing. “What did I do?”
Justin merely shook his head again and smiled. “Wait for me after the game.” Shifting his gaze to the old concession stand, he took a step back and said, “Over there, okay?”
When I nodded, excitement lodging in my throat, making it impossible to speak, he winked and then took off to join his teammates. As I watched his cute butt in those uniform pants run across the field, a giddy grin found my lips.
JUSTIN
FAIRFIELD ACADEMY BASEBALL FIELD 5:12 P.M.
The coin in my sock felt weighted. It was as if every doubt, every reason I shouldn’t do what I was about to do clung to its polished surface, bearing down on my ankle and preventing me from moving forward.
If the guys had known what I was planning, they’d crucify me. We’d just made the “Casual/Commitment” list, all agreed on what side Peyton landed, and here I was ignoring the truth. Or acknowledging it and doing it anyway.
Sunshine could get hurt. Truthfully, this was the only consequence that gave me any pause. Before anything happened, I’d have to make it clear who I was, exactly what I could offer her, but if after that, Peyton wanted me anyway, I was hers. I was done fighting it.
Coach would burst a freaking blood vessel. No dad wanted to open the door to their daughter’s guy and see my face on the other side, especially not him. He knew exactly what we were like, had heard it with his own ears in the locker room. Besides that, I’d seen the way he watched her from the dugout. I saw the fear that still glazed his eyes. She was his baby, his princess, and I was the evil ass who’d inevitably break her heart.
Any one of those reasons should’ve had me headed back to the locker room, celebrating the day’s victory with my teammates. Forgetting the way Peyton’s eyes lit up when I asked her to meet me after the game. Added together, well, I was a damn fool for pursuing her. But, call me a dumbass or a selfish prick, I needed this girl in my life. Her joy, her optimism. Her warm smile and honeyed laugh.
I rounded the corner, and Peyton’s eager eyes met mine.
And maybe, just maybe, she needed me, too.
“Hey.”
Her voice was soft and shaky as it floated on the stiff wind. Along with her bouncing foot, it was obvious she was nervous. What was crazy was that for the first time in my life, I was, too.
“Hey,” I replied. I didn’t stop walking when I reached her, though. I took her hand and pulled her back behind the painted green brick building, away from any spying, gossiping eyes. Concessions stopped being served during the fifth inning, so the two of us were alone… well except for the oppressive smell of buttery popcorn and chili dogs. But it was better safe than sorry.
The second we cleared the corner, I dropped Peyton’s hand. I still got off on the feel of her smooth, satiny skin against mine, but there was no way I’d get through this if I continued to hold her. She was too tempting. I took a step back, closer toward the chain-link fence, and said, “You know this is a bad idea, right?”
She craned an eyebrow. “What, talking?” she asked with a sarcastic smirk. “Sure, I mean, I’ve heard open communication can totally be hazardous to your health, but somehow, I think we’ll survive.”
I huffed a laugh as I laced my fingers behind my neck. Her sass was adorable. Almost as cute as her innocence.
But thoughts like that were what got me in this mess to begin with.
“Listen, Peyton, you’ve gotta know I suck at relationships.” Too wound up to stay still, I started down the short path behind the building. “Even I’ve heard the rumors about me, and believe me, they exist for a reason. I’m no good at that touchy-feely crap girls like. I don’t do emotions. They’re messy and annoying and I don’t have time for that shit.”
I made it to one end of the path and began retracing my steps. “You deserve to be with a guy who’ll bring you flowers and take you out. Who’ll show you off in front of his friends and introduce you to his parents.” I stopped in front of her but had to look away as I admitted, “That’ll never be me.”