Dear You,
All my life I have dreamed about being your mother and today, we found out that you are coming into our lives. I want you to know that I grew up without a mother, so I understand the significance of the role. I want you to know that I may not always be perfect, but I will always try my best. Most of all, I want you to know … you will be loved. You are going to have a protective big brother, an adoring sister, and a doting father. Most of all, you will have a mother who will move Heaven and Earth for you. I promise. You will always be safe. You are the final piece of our puzzle.
All my love.
Mom
Kate read it twice, noticing but not bothering to wipe away the tears on her cheek. Then she stuffed everything back into the box and took it downstairs. And, because she had the house to herself and because she was feeling indulgent, she lit a fire. She planned to toss in the whole thing and watch it burn until nothing was left, but at the last minute, she tucked the letter into her pocket. It occurred to Kate that she might have someone to give it to after all.
66
It was a week after George had told Sonja the truth and she still didn’t believe it. At least she wouldn’t, if it didn’t make so much sense. But George had explained it all. It was the reason for the sudden move to Atherton. The reason he’d been so adamant to volunteer at local high schools. The reason he’d been so highly strung these few months. It had all been because of Zoe. And, inadvertently, because of Alice.
It was a one-night stand, he told her. Alice had been his receptionist. She was young and wild, but he thought he could tame her. After all, young people were his specialty. She wasn’t a bad receptionist, he said, but her behavior was very erratic. She was overly chatty with the clients, and not as careful as she should have been with private files. Then one night she arrived unannounced at his home, ostensibly to drop off some documents. George had been on an important call, so he waved her inside. By the time he got off the phone she’d made herself at home and helped herself to his wine. She threw herself at him. Father issues, George said.
He tried to fend her off, but she was determined. And in a moment of weakness, George couldn’t resist. He’d had a few glasses of wine himself and she was an attractive young woman. And she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Afterward, George felt terrible. He offered to drive her home, to talk about it, but she just walked out into the night. A wild child, he said. Couldn’t be tamed.
The next day, she didn’t come back to work. She didn’t answer her phone. He kept trying to find her but she might as well have disappeared off the face of the earth! After a while, he assumed she’d died or left the country.
Fifteen years later, he saw her face in a news article.
When Helping Others Becomes a Career
Sonja looked at it now, for the hundredth time. It was worn and yellowed and curved at the edges. Alice’s face smiled back at her.
No one had been more surprised than George to learn that Alice had a child. She didn’t seem the mothering type, he said. Then he noticed the dates and he did the math.
He needed to see for himself that Zoe was his child before he told Sonja. It was why he’d started volunteering at local high schools. Then, he found her … Zoe. There was never any doubt that she was his. She had the same black hair and nearly black eyes. It had been like looking in the mirror, he’d said. The strangest part was he’d actually been counseling her!
“She’s beautiful,” he’d said. “She has problems, though. With anxiety.”
Which meant, of course, he would be the perfect person to help her.
“Don’t you see?” he’d said. “It’s not just about us getting Zoe in our life—this is about her life. She needs us!”
George had taken Sonja’s two hands in his own. The tears that shone in his eyes were impossible to fake. It had made Sonja pause. What if this was their second chance? She could finally be a mother!
They would be good parents, Sonja thought. They were financially stable. George was only working part-time at the school, and Sonja could retire, if need be. They’d be able to give her opportunities, money, love. Maybe they’d travel more—take Zoe to Europe. They’d put up Christmas decorations, start traditions. The house could fill up with Zoe’s friends, and maybe, down the track (if George allowed it), her boyfriends. It might be just what they needed. It might change everything.
67
Alice never knew whether Paul was late or not coming, because he didn’t have a cell phone. Who didn’t have a cell phone? She would have bought him one if she wasn’t sure he would just lose it or forget to turn it on. Today she was giving him the benefit of the doubt, because it was too late to get the bus and she didn’t want to call Sonja again. She was having her full blood work done today to see if her white-cell count had risen enough to try more chemo. Or perhaps she could do another blood transfusion? Whatever it was, she was going to remain positive. If only Paul would get here.
Zoe was at her boyfriend’s house. It felt good to say it. Zoe’s boyfriend. There was a time not so long ago when Alice couldn’t imagine saying those words.
It was a relief that Zoe wasn’t here, though. Alice was fairly good at pretending she wasn’t in pain, but keeping a straight face could be torture when she had to do it for hours on end. These days Alice found herself looking forward to Zoe heading out, so she could flop on the couch and moan. It was in her belly, mostly. Constipation. A feeling of heaviness. Bloatedness. Waves of nausea and pain. She had drugs for pain—lovely drugs—but they didn’t help with the feeling of heaviness. It was like a really bad period that never ended.
After an eternity there was a knock at the door. “Finally!”
She stood, slowly. When she eased the door open, Sonja was standing there. “Sonja! Oh, didn’t I tell you? My brother is taking me to the hospital today.”
“Oh, you’re going to the hospital, of course. Sorry, I forgot.”
Sonja seemed even more flustered than usual. Sometimes Alice wondered what on earth was going on with her.
“If you forgot … why are you here?” Alice asked her.
“Actually, I need to talk to you.”
“What is it, Sonja?” Exhausted, Alice leaned against the doorframe.
“It’s about George,” Sonja said, but Alice’s face was blank. “George … Sanders?”
Alice pulled herself upright. “What did you say?”
Alice must have been hallucinating, because she could have sworn she saw him then, standing right behind Sonja.
Dr. Sanders.
She was going to faint.