It was already before me, so fast I did not have time to scream. But then Father appeared, blocking me, his arms outstretched, a branch in his right hand. “Run! Now!”
I flew in the air instead, and a storm of tree branches, leaves, rocks, and clods of dirt whipped my face. Father’s voice chased me, followed by a deafening roar that shook the mountain. And then the ground slammed against me, all the sounds vanished, and the sky darkened. When I awoke, I went home alone, unable to recall anything.
Later, people found Father. He was caught on a pine tree on a cliff near my family’s grave site, a branch pierced through his chest. No one knew about the tiger or what happened to him, so Mother assumed that he had tripped, that it was an accident.
But kneeling there, I saw how Father really died. And I remembered everything.
? ? ?
The sky seemed to spin, and roof tiles fell like raindrops. A piece landed in my mouth. It tasted like dirt but smelled like fresh pine resin. I looked up.
Staring at me with yellow eyes, the tiger opened its mouth. “Caw, caw.”
My heart leaped to my throat. It had returned. I lurched forward to grab something but could not move my feet. It strutted toward me. One step. I shivered. Two. I wanted to scream.
Then it flapped its black wings and vanished above the tiled roof of a distant hall.
A crow.
Trembling, I closed my eyes.
? ? ?
“Calm down, Mei. Calm down,” a soft female voice said, and arms embraced me.
I tried to raise my head, but it felt so heavy. “Who is there?”
“Drink it.” A spoon touched my lips. A plump hand held my shoulder. The Noble Lady.
“My father…my father died to protect me, he died to protect me…” I said. I knew it, deep in my heart. All these years, I could not remember, but I had always known something was there, some unanswered question. Had he not died, my family would still be happy and thriving… I was responsible for Father’s death, for what happened to my family’s fortune, for Mother’s disappearance…
“What are you saying, Mei? Don’t talk, Mei. Don’t talk. Now, listen to me. Drink this. Slowly, yes. You’ll feel better. Look, you’re burning hot.”
I coughed. The liquid scalded my tongue. It tasted hard and bitter, like a piece of bark I chewed once in the woods with Father. We had spent so much time there, looking at our land, talking, feeling the breeze on our faces… I shook my head and pushed the spoon away.
“It’s rice porridge. It’s good for you. I’ll feed you. You can’t stay like this without food.” She patted my back.
Her touch was gentle, and I lowered my head obediently and sipped. It did not taste so bad, and soon the sweet flavor of rice porridge spread in my mouth.
“You must stay strong, Mei. You must hold yourself together. Do not give up. Hang on.” She squeezed my hand.
Then I remembered where I was and that I was being punished. “How long have I been here, my Noble Lady?”
My voice sounded coarse and old, like a sick, elderly woman who had not spoken for a hundred years.
She fed me another spoonful. “Today is the second day.”
It felt longer than that. “How is Pheasant?”
“He is well now. The physicians applied ointment to his back and bandaged him. They also gave him medicine so he could sleep. I think he’ll recover soon.” She lowered her head to study me. “Plum wanted to come and see you, but she is not allowed. What happened there?”
“I don’t remember.”
“I told you, Mei, to stay away from him.”
“I’m sorry.” I had failed her. I was so close, and I had failed. Again.
“I’m sorry too.” She put the spoon in the bowl. “You were doing so well. I wish I could do more. I pleaded with him, but he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Hopelessly, I gazed at her. Did the Emperor really want me to kneel until my last breath?
“I’m afraid I ought to leave.” She dusted off her gown and rose.
“But…” I reached out to stop her, then my hand dropped in midair. I could not burden her. “That’s right…my Noble Lady. You must not make him angry with you.”
She sighed, waved to her servants, and left.
It was only me again. I slumped, staring at the ground. My eyes burned, my lips cracked and bled, and my back became hard and brittle, ready to snap. The ground seemed to do strange things. One moment it looked like a pile of white bones. Then it sank into a dark pit, and then again, it raced ahead like a wicked sandstorm.
The night would come soon. It would be the second night I had knelt. Would I ever see the morning light again?
So it was true. I had caused Father’s death, and that was why I had to do whatever I could to fulfill his wish. And indeed, I had had my chances. It was unlikely now…
After a while, I heard a man’s voice.
“Up now,” he said. “He pardoned you.”
I jolted upright. No more kneeling? “Why?”