[Lord, in your death you brought Life to the World]
I looked at the land and saw that what I had thought was dry dust was millions of mouths of the one beast which hungered for my blood. I shuddered and dropped the knife. I shook with hunger and knew there was only one thing that could satisfy me. I turned to my mother - who was not my Mother - and she was weeping and pulling up her shift and denying me as I had denied her. My hunger burned me as I turned and walked away to the forest.
I was floating on a sea of glass and oil which was grass which stroked and soothed me. I stood and looked around and saw, coming from the east, hordes and hordes sailing across the sea in boats and ships. So many, I could have walked from land to land across them. They landed on the shore of the island - my island! - and their swords rose and fell and drove the people - my people! - off their farms and burned their villages and their swords rose and fell as they drove them into the mountains, into the sea, into the ground as their swords rose and fell and rose and fell and rose and fell and blood, blood, blood flowed everywhere it soaked into the earth which grew and writhed and strengthened and it flowed into the rivers and the rivers turned red from it and they flowed into the sea and the sea turned red and I was angry at the invaders
I was in a clearing, it was a Glade and a child stood before me and I was standing at an altar and the child had within him the Power that I could use I could see it glowing and pulsing in his chest and I knew what I had to do and I reached for the child with hunger for the thing that would end my hunger and the child looked at me and waves of pity welled up inside me and tears burst from my eyes and I looked at the child with ravenous hunger for the Power within and I reached for him and pulled back
I WILL NOT DO IT
and I was filled with black black, black, black, black, black, black despair for my people would all be cut down and my hunger would never be satisfied and all my people would die and it was my fault for they loved me and would do my bidding they would do anything for me
I will ask nothing of them.
I was in blackness. I was in the middle of the universe before the evening of the first day when darkness was upon the void and I was calm and at peace again.
I looked around and I remembered the room.
My brother.
My Brother wanted to kill me. He licked his lips as he played with me.
Then he drew blood. This was not a boyish game, he really wanted to kill me.
He swung at me, wildly, trying to take my head off. I leaned back and let his sword cut the air. A thrust, into the unprotected side, angled upwards towards the heart. I knew I had him.
Blood flowed in a river from his side and spread out over the boards and soaked into the carpet. I watched him die, my Brother.
My Brother.
A job well done. My training had not been for nothing
Murder! she screamed. Help me, murder! He has murdered the Prince! Oh help me!
I dropped my sword into the puddle of gore. Murdered the Prince? But I was Prince. How could I murder myself?
Murderer! they accused me. Kin-slayer! Outcast! You shall be hunted down to death! We fled into the darkness of the cloudy night, we turned towards the marshes, through the route that none would follow before daylight.
The sea was a serpent and it slithered its coils around and around me. I fought back and gripped its throat and wrestled and writhed to subdue it but it would not let me go. It sang to me, a deep, seductive song, a song of grass and green fields and a power beneath the earth, a power that could not be resisted. It kissed and caressed me and spoke softly to my heart of how it wanted to possess me, to have me all for myself, and it would show me and give me such pleasure as I had never known. I would be a king and fulfil my destiny and all the peoples of Britain would fall at my feet: I would bring peace to the Land and all this would be mine when I yielded to my lover, to the unspeakable pleasure that would be ours.
It was beautiful, the most beautiful thing I had ever held in my arms and maybe I could at last reach fulfilment in its embrace. Why should I resist? Resistance was useless. Why resist such beauty, such pleasure, such fulfilment, such Power!
I heard them singing from far away and they were calling to me, one of them was calling to me while the others sang. I would repay, I would make them pay! I, Prince Ciaran, I would repay them for what they had done! And then all the world would fall at my feet and I would banish the wicked and execute the murderers, with my own bare hands I would squeeze the life out of them. How they would pay for what they had done!
And they were singing still and calling my name and I looked again at the bolted door and saw again the bloody child at the lakeside, in the pool. I would find out who had done this thing and they would pay and pay and the power to hunt them down would be mine if I would leave the door alone and turn away from the child and Britain would be at peace under my leadership, I would repel the English, the Saxons, pirates, renegades, invaders, slavers and all who would follow and I would have all of this if I would leave the door shut and leave well alone and embrace my one true love who would give me all this Power, so much more than any one man had ever had before and just think what I could do with it and how wisely I Prince Ciaran would rule and I heard them singing and
No. I had no need of that life. I would not ask it of them.
And then I was Ciaran, I was Lockeran and together I was Anselm again. I would reduce, return to the West and remain Anselm. I saw Strathclyde shrink and shrivel as its life blood was drained away and I wanted no more of the serpent. I relaxed as the foul embrace slid away: I was Anselm again.
I opened my eyes and saw the face of Colman, Abbott of Lindisfarne. He was normally so cheerful but now he looked very troubled. He looked at me with so much concern as he held my hand.
“What’s the matter, Colman?” I asked. “Why do you look so worried? What’s happened?”
14
Lindisfarne