I saw a poor and hungry family and the mother was starving and the father was starving and the children were starving and even their slave was starving and they saw me and they turned to me and smiled and they loved me and they would do my bidding and I loved them in their poverty and their ugliness and their dirt and I reached out to save them but something got in the way
I saw debauchery in the place where none should be. Wine was flowing like saliva down an old man’s chin and they were fat and the girls were young and beautiful. I spoke a single word which I could not form and they turned to me and fell on their knees and begged forgiveness because they loved me and I loved them in their decadence and debauchery and I would forgive them and they would love me and do my bidding and they would do whatever I wanted if I would forgive them especially the little redhead
There had been a summer of honeysuckle and golden corn and soft hills that stretched out to the sea and beyond. She had been willing and she had wanted me to share her soft, smooth flesh that curved so prettily and her hair had been red and she had wanted me and I had wanted her. I remembered the electric stirring and I had run my hands through her hair and down her honeysuckle neck to her soft white shoulders - such shoulders! I had not known that shoulders could be so wonderful! - and beyond to her soft curving breasts and her hips where they flared to become her legs and she had opened her legs and invited me in, I could see it, I could remember
She had cried and run away and my heart had almost burst because she had wanted me to and I had wanted her too and she thought I didn’t love her and had run away rejected and hurt
I saw her now she was older but she was still the beautiful honeysuckle girl I had known but even more so and her shoulders - such shoulders! I had not known that shoulders could be so wonderful! - and she smiled and her smile said she loved me and she would do my bidding and I knew that this time I would be able to if only I had the power -
Oh yes, the power: where had I put it? I had mislaid it somewhere and I couldn’t remember where which was very strange because it was here just a moment ago, I would find it if she just gave me a moment and I felt the electric surge and I must find the power, I had had it here, and where was it and I MUST find it, I wanted the Power so I could please the beautiful honeysuckle girl with the red hair and the shoulders - such shoulders! I had not known that shoulders could be so wonderful! - and be kind to her as she deserved, they all deserved kindness and I could give it to all of them but especially this lovely girl if I could only remember where I’d left the Power! She was getting upset and beginning to cry and arranging her clothes again and covering her shoulders no! don’t! cover your shoulders! please they are so wonderful and I was sure it was around here somewhere and I began to cry because I’d lost my Power and I was a small boy playing and crying because I had lost my Power
A beautiful youth came towards me from the forest where I had been lost, I thought, not very long ago but this youth with the golden hair and white tunic he knew his way around. He was leading the honeysuckle girl by the hand and she was smiling, shyly and tearfully because I’d upset her and that wasn’t very nice she loved me and would do my bidding and how could I be so cruel? but I hadn’t meant to be so heartless I was very upset but I’d lost my Power and I thought that was the problem I could be kind and loving and gentle and pleasing and generous when I had my Power but I didn’t know where it was and I was crying myself now
The youth smiled and said he could help but would I mind just being looked after for a moment because I was so tired and I couldn’t do everything not by myself let us help you and the girl picked me up in her arms for I was just a baby and she bared her magnificent breast so full of milk so I could drink and I drank and was filled with the most wonderful sweetness such sweetness as there had never been it was full and sweet and satisfying and soft and I felt the electric surge as I stroked the satisfying breast so full of sweet milk and she was sharing it with me letting me and all the hunger which I’d never noticed I’d had before but I had and this was the only food that would satisfy the hunger and then I stood and said to the youth what was it you wanted?
And the youth said would you mind passing me that apple from that tree there but I knew I wasn’t tall enough but the youth said never mind I’ll lend you some of my Power so you are tall enough and you can get it for me
But I felt hungry again, so soon after I’d taken my fill. My hand paused in midair as I reached for the apple. I turned and saw that the youth and the girl were laughing quietly, not looking at me. I let my hand drop to my side. They stopped their quiet chatter and looked at me. The youth smiled but he was hungry. The girl looked hungry.
Where is my apple? the youth asked. You said you would get it for me. It’s not kind to deny me such a simple thing. I would do your bidding because I love you [and I could see he loved me] and I ask such a little thing. Please fetch me my apple.
[Lord Jesus, strengthen him in his weakness]
I looked at the two of them and saw that they were very hungry, they were ravenous but their hunger was for me. They were wolves and they were ready to rip out my entrails
I was floating on a sea of oil and glass and I yearned for the shore, I yearned for the apples I could smell there
“Not yet. The time is not yet.”
I drifted off across to the far side of the ocean and it took eternity but I had Time
The topsoil blew off as dust from a shelf in the dry wind that blew like flame across the barren landscape. I saw my mother (Mother!) and she was thin and her skin was covered in boils that were weeping and eating her from the outside in and I loved her and would dive in and swim in her huge boils and she asked me to help her and I loved her and she loved me and she would do my bidding and I would tear my own arm off and feed her and she handed me a knife and said there is only one way to heal the Land and only you can do it and I looked at her and felt an electric surge for she had red hair which fell down to her wonderful shoulders - such shoulders! I had not known that shoulders could be so wonderful! - and she loosened her shift and I saw her breasts so full of sweet milk and I was hungry I raged with hunger and it was eating me and I knew she had the only thing that would satisfy my raging hunger and she pointed to the dusty field and her shrunken skin and begged me to help her for she loved me and would do my bidding and I was raving with hunger and her breasts were full of milk for me as soon as I brought life back to the Land and I held the knife and put it to my throat to spill the blood my blood his blood the only blood that would bring life to the Land and I saw