Is it weird to put Cooper Lind and vagina in the same sentence?
But yeah, even if I had noticed then, I don’t think I could have gone on a date with Cooper Lind. I was too busy smashing my face into pillows and reading about Druid Wars.
God, I am remembering the whole thing now. How strange I thought it was that he would call me and ask me to go to Molly’s, rather than just coming over and opening the fridge and putting two hot dogs in the microwave, like he normally did.
MRS. TOWNSEND: THE SEQUEL
Mrs. Townsend appeared from out of nowhere from behind the fish tank at Dr. Clarkington’s office today, this time in a blue sundress, and at first I thought I was imagining her. But no, it was the real Mrs. Townsend, with her every-good-clean-smell, her hair now woven into long black braids. When we hugged, a belly emerged.
“Baby Mrs. T?” I almost screamed, because I have the tact of a fired circus clown.
“Baby Mrs. T,” she said, laughing. “His name will be Solomon.”
“After Song of Solomon?”
“The Toni Morrison book, not the Bible.”
“Good.”
“I promise you, he won’t turn into a snobby New York kid. So help me god I will make sure that he eats gluten like the rest of the world.”
“Why would he be a snobby New York kid?”
“Greg and I are headed to Manhattan. He’s getting his PhD at Hunter.”
Everyone I like goes to New York. I decided to be okay with that. “And what are you gonna do?”
Mrs. T looked around her in fake panic. “Oh no, I won’t have a Sammie to mentor. What will I do?”
“Yeah, who—who—who’s going to send you emails at three in the morning asking for a letter of reference?” I finally got out. I had started not to get so embarrassed about my choppy speech. You just kind of have to plow through it.
Mrs. Townsend leaned her elbow on the betta tank, tapping at the swimming forms. “I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, I’m going to have this baby, then I’m going to work in the Admissions department. And then I’m going to raise this baby, and then I’m going to retire. That is, unless, the climate changes as drastically as they say it will in the next twenty years. In that case, Greg and I are going to move back to the top of the Green Mountains, and we’re going to raise orange trees.”
“Orange trees in New England?”
“You’re going to want to get above sea level, believe me.”
“Can I come?”
Mrs. T took me by both shoulders. “If you have a useful skill, yes.”
“I can drink an entire gallon of chocolate milk in one sitting.”
“You’re in,” she said, and we laughed.
TEXTS FROM STUART SHAH, NPC EDITION
You have to hand it to him, the man is a natural writer. Though he asks the same question every morning, I have never received the same text from Stuart twice.
Stuart: how are you feeling today?
Stuart: feeling chipper this morning?
Stuart: good day today?
Stuart: how’s my baby?
Stuart: is today a good day?
Stuart: how’s the health?
Stuart: feeling dapper?
Stuart: is the sun treating you well this morning?
Stuart: need anything from me this morning?
Stuart: how’s it shakin’?
Stuart: how’s the baby girl?
Stuart: what’s good this morning lady?
Stuart: how’s life on this rainy day?
Stuart: how’s sammie?
Stuart: how’s my girl?
Stuart: ok?
Stuart: ca va?
Stuart: doing well?
THAT MONSTER WOMAN THEY KEEP IN THE ATTIC IN THAT ONE BOOK
Today is not a great day brain-wise. My hands are not good at typing. My mouth is doing the twist. And it was not fun to be a person today. But I have this idea.
I have to do this to make it okay that the other day I forgot the word for stove and that I woke up in the middle of the night and thought I needed to get ready for school. Like the other day I could have sworn I saw Grandma and Grandpa in the yard. I didn’t tell you because there’s not a whole lot more to say and it’s not great for me to think about those times. They’re just strange. Like I answered Stuart’s daily check-in with “never been better” because when I tell him the truth he gets very sad and comes over and strokes my hair.
And most of the time it’s good. Like don’t worry I’ll always tell you when it’s good. Or when things are bad enough that you should know. You should also know that I haven’t deleted anything from here. I’m pretty sure I told you that. Because I like reading back and that makes it more exciting. But as I said I’m not feeling the best today.
I always told you how I thought I would end up, so I’m going to tell you how I think my brother and sisters will end up, too. They’ve got much more… I don’t know… time. They’ve got a lot more ahead of them.