She gave him a pained smile. “Samuel.”
Roman felt like she’d punched him in the stomach. “I thought she and her ex—”
“He didn’t want children. She lost a baby once, and he actually celebrated. He didn’t want the responsibility.” Shanice looked at the street ahead. “She didn’t tell us for three months. She could’ve had an abortion. A friend even suggested it.”
He went hot. “You?”
“No, but I’m not saying who. Grace thought about giving him up for adoption. It was agreed that Selah and Ruben Garcia would take him, but the minute Grace held Samuel, she couldn’t go through with it. It’s been an emotional tug-of-war from day one. When you rented her the cottage, she saw a way out of her situation, and then, of course, that changed. I just wish she hadn’t left LA. I miss her.” She met his gaze briefly. “She wanted her son to grow up in a safer place.”
“She needed to get away from the Garcias. And me.” Roman pulled alongside the curb and put the car in park, leaving the engine idling. “Anything else you want to tell me about Grace?”
Shanice looked apologetic. “I think I’ve said too much already.”
He waited a moment longer and saw she meant it. “I love her, Shanice.” He wanted to ask how to find her. Jesus, I want to get things right. Oh, God; oh, God.
Shanice’s eyes glistened. “I know you love her, Roman. And I’d give you her address if I hadn’t given my word.”
He got out of her car. Shanice came around to the driver’s side, but didn’t get in. She put her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even brought her up tonight. I don’t know why I did. It wasn’t my right to tell you her story.”
“No, it wasn’t, but I’m glad you did.” He thought he’d felt pain enough, but he hadn’t known the half of it.
Shanice slid into the driver’s seat and Roman closed the door. She lowered the window. “Please don’t think less of her.”
“Don’t worry about that.” Roman leaned down slightly. “When you talk to Brian, tell him I’m going to be gone for a while.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where are you going?”
“San Francisco.” He’d already packed and planned to leave the next morning. “Tell him I’m taking care of unfinished business. He’ll understand.”
“Safe travels, Roman.” Shanice drove away.
Roman entered his apartment and tossed his keys on the coffee table. Sinking onto the couch, he put his head in his hands. “Jesus.” It was a soft, broken cry. Shanice talked about the men in the club, and he saw himself—callow, callous, a user. If Grace had stayed at the cottage, he’d have had no qualms about seducing her.
A blonde. In a black dress. Just his type.
“Jesus.” Roman’s voice came out in a broken rasp, hanging between self-disgust and despair . . . and anger, too. God, You should have left me in hell. It’s what I deserve.
Saved by grace, Brian had told him more than once.
Grace.
Leaning forward, Roman wept.
GRACE SAT OUTSIDE beneath the covered patio with her aunt while Samuel toddled around the backyard. She’d already plucked one wiggly worm and glossy snail from his fist, thankfully before he popped them in his mouth for a taste. He headed for the big red ball, accidentally booting it. With a squealing laugh, he went after it.
Aunt Elizabeth chuckled. “He’ll make a good soccer player.” She sipped her green tea.
It was a little chilly outside, but Samuel needed running room. He’d been cooped up in the house for the last week while rain pattered the roof.
“What’s on your mind, Grace?”
What always seemed to be on her mind lately: Roman. She didn’t speak his name aloud. “Nothing but the usual.” She couldn’t bring herself to talk about him. Not with her aunt. Not with anyone. How long was it going to take to get over him?
“Is your business going all right?”
“It keeps me very busy. Jasper referred another student. Thankfully, because one of my clients no longer needs my services. He got an A on his final.”
“Just like Patrick.” Aunt Elizabeth grimaced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up the past. What about your social life?”
“Church on Sunday and the ladies’ Bible study midweek.”
“Have you met any eligible bachelors?”
“I’m not looking for one.”
“Because you’re still in love with Roman Velasco.”
Grace wasn’t going to lie. “There’s nothing I can do about that.”
Samuel pounced on the ball, and it shot out from under him like a rocket. Grace and her aunt laughed. Samuel let out a screech of surprise and propped himself up on his arms. He got to his feet and went after the ball again.
“Nice to see he doesn’t give up.” Aunt Elizabeth set her teacup on the saucer.
“Not when he wants something.”
“What about you, Grace? Why don’t you just call Roman and see what happens?”
“I know what would happen, and I’m not taking the risk. Besides, you’ve done without a man all your life. So can I.” Regretting her angry outburst, Grace stood. “Would you like more tea? I’m getting more coffee.”
“You can’t even bear to talk about—”
“If Roman wanted to pursue a real relationship, he’d find me.”
Aunt Elizabeth set her teacup and saucer on the end table. “And how on God’s green earth is he supposed to do that? You changed your number and moved to Merced. You swore me and all your friends to secrecy. What’s the man supposed to do? Hire a private detective? Hunt you down like one of the FBI’s ten most wanted?”
“Has he called you?”
Aunt Elizabeth didn’t speak for a moment. “No.”
“He’s never asked Shanice either. So there’s the answer.”
Aunt Elizabeth wilted slightly. “I didn’t know.” She looked away. “I thought . . .” She shook her head. “Never mind what I thought. It’s none of my business, and I’m sorry I butted in.” Her expression turned to one of pain and concern. “I just want to see you happy.”
“I’m fine. Really, I am.”
“No, you’re not. You’ve lost weight. And you don’t look like you’re sleeping very much.”
Grace came back and sat. She watched Samuel wrestling the red ball into submission. “I don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt Samuel.”
“Like introducing a man into his life who may not be the marrying kind.”
“Precisely.”
Aunt Elizabeth didn’t say anything for a long time. Samuel sat and rubbed his eyes. Grace got up and went to him. Lifting him, she hugged him close. “Nap time, little man.” Aunt Elizabeth followed Grace inside and stayed in the kitchen to wash the few dishes. Grace sat in the living room rocker, Samuel snuggled in her lap, his head resting against her chest. She loved this time of day, loved the feel of his little body loosening and warming in her arms as he fell asleep.
“He looks like an angel.” Aunt Elizabeth sat on the couch. “You’re a good mother, Grace.”
“I’m trying my hardest.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s better to leave things as they are.”
Grace wanted to believe that.
Roman slept for a few hours and left around noon to drive up the Pacific Coast Highway. He needed time to think before he arrived in San Francisco. When he reached the city, he didn’t check into a hotel on Nob Hill or downtown, though he could easily afford either. He went to the Phoenix in the old hood. A last-minute cancellation had opened up a room. He took that as a sign God was with him.
Still wide-awake after midnight, he decided to take a stroll down memory lane. Nighttime had been playtime when he was a teen. Shrugging into his leather bomber jacket, Roman went for a walk through the Tenderloin.