Kai took his time before answering, as a lump of ice congealed in Irene’s guts. ‘There appears to have been a misunderstanding here. Your majesty, will you permit me to explain?’
‘Speak, and be to the point,’ Ya Yu said. ‘I grow impatient.’ Her words sent a chill down Irene’s back. But over and above that, she was dreading what Kai was going to say. There was something too formal in his voice and manner, in his glance towards Irene – as if he was already distancing himself from her. An unexpected chasm seemed to be widening between them. No, she thought, don’t sacrifice yourself for me . . .
‘When I heard of this mysterious Library some years ago, I was fascinated,’ Kai began. ‘I knew the Library was scrupulously neutral and that I would not be admitted, given my true nature. So I put myself in the way of one of their representatives and pretended to be no more than human. I was dishonest. I admit it, and I can only plead that I was young and foolish. When I was assigned to work with this Librarian, she believed that I was only a human, and I said nothing to disabuse her.’
Irene could feel a ball of furious contradictions gathering in her throat. She knew that the older Librarians had identified Kai early on for what he was, even if he hadn’t known that they knew. And she herself had realized Kai was a dragon within the first few days of working with him . . .
‘When Irene became aware of my true nature, naturally she was disturbed,’ Kai went on.
Which happened several months back, Irene thought. Neatly done. But she could sense there was worse coming. The train of inevitability was bearing down on her and she was tied to the tracks.
‘She is a reliable and honourable Librarian, who has always done her best to serve the Library’s interests. And now that it is no longer possible for me to deny my true nature, or to claim to her that I am human, I realize she can no longer call me “apprentice”. She knows her duty to the Library and its neutrality.’ Kai turned to Irene. ‘So for the sake of our friendship, before you are required to renounce me, I will remove the necessity from you. I regret that I can no longer serve as an apprentice Librarian.’
She had seen what was coming. And she admired the way he’d done it – gracefully, intelligently, taking the blame and doing his best to leave her reputation untarnished. But all she could think as he finished speaking was, No, don’t do this.
But he had.
And now the only thing she could do for both of them was to accept it, just as he had.
Irene looked Kai in the face and saw the echoes of dragon-red in his eyes, even though he was still in his human form. ‘I accept your resignation,’ she said, ‘and I will inform my superiors of your true nature – and the reason why you have chosen to leave the Library.’
There had to be something more she could say. Something that wouldn’t ruin his careful separation between himself and the Library. Something that would tell Kai that she was grateful, that she trusted him in a way she’d never trusted anyone else. And that she didn’t want to lose him.
But here at one end of creation, among a court of dragons, there was nothing she could say that could keep him by her side.
Her throat ached with unshed tears, with bitterness and fury and loss, and her fingers traced the scars on her palms. ‘I appreciate your honesty,’ she said to Kai. Something that he would understand, and that nobody else here would – because she knew how much of the truth had gone unsaid in his statement. She only hoped that he would know all the things she might never have the chance to say. That she cared for him. And how much she would miss him.
Ya Yu brought her hands together sharply. ‘Very well! Son of Ao Guang, I hope that you will apologize to your father for your lack of honesty. But this is a good argument in favour of the Library and its standards. I’m inclined to believe that as an institution it maintains the neutrality it has always claimed.’
Meaning – Irene translated through her bitterness – that this is an acceptable political excuse and nobody here will be allowed to debate it. And she’s only talking about the Library as a whole. Not about individuals. Not about Evariste and me.
Irene had thought she’d been angry before. Now she was livid. She had lost something – someone – whom she cared about very much indeed. She hoped that Qing Song, Jin Zhi and Hu were prepared to pay, because the bill was about to be extremely large.
The Queen turned to Irene. ‘And as for you, Irene, servant of the Library. Young Kai here must be a good actor, for you to have been so thoroughly deceived. Perhaps you have also been lied to in other matters?’ Her gaze flicked to Evariste. ‘If you will release your junior to our authority, we will see that he is questioned and establish the truth.’
Again there was that thrum of power through the room. Out of the corner of her eye, Irene saw the guards by the entrance stiffen to full attention. She could feel the required response rising to her lips under the focus of the Queen’s attention, in a mixture of fear and obedience. She should be willing to hand Evariste over. She should be glad to get away safely and with the Library’s reputation intact. She would have fulfilled her mission.
No, she thought. I would fight all the way to the gates of hell itself to save a book. And I’ll do just as much for another Librarian.
‘Your majesty.’ Her mouth was so dry that the words came with difficulty. ‘It is possible that I may have been deceived about Evariste’s actions and motivations.’
To one side she saw Hu’s shoulders lose a fraction of their tension. But if he thought she was going to let Evariste swing for this, then he was in for a shock.
The Queen nodded, waiting for Irene to continue.
Irene took a deep breath. ‘My superiors will demand answers when I return to the Library. May I ask a few questions of the others present, in order to establish the full course of events?’
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The Queen weighed Irene’s request, in a moment that seemed as long as tectonic plates shifting. Finally she said, ‘That seems reasonable. I trust you will not occupy too much of our time in doing so.’
Irene had to provoke an admission of guilt, and she had to do it fast. The truth might not save them, but it was the only thing she had left. She’d run out of lies.
The lever in her hands was the question of who had told Jin Zhi about Qing Song hiring a Librarian. And why.
Irene turned to Qing Song. ‘I believe you said that Evariste approached you, seeking employment.’
‘You have repeated my words accurately,’ Qing Song answered curtly.
‘And he did so at exactly the time that you needed a Librarian’s service?’ Irene tried to make the question sound as if it might be incriminating Evariste even further.