She didn’t crack a smile. “Some people might think it’s insane to believe Xavier Fields would ever settle down with a woman. And that, too, is understandable. With your track record and your past...”
She studied me, probably uncertain if she should go on. Rochelle knew more about my family than most people. She knew about the abuse and about my regular attempts to persuade my mother to leave my father.
“You’re not them,” she said.
I stared at her. “I never said I was.”
“Aren’t you afraid of turning into them? Of falling for a girl who is like your mother? Of turning into a man who is like your father?”
My chest burned. I could no longer look at Rochelle. Instead, I dropped my eyes to my lap. The answer was such a simple one. Yes. But I couldn’t say it.
“You’re not alone. A lot of people live in fear of becoming their parents, but just because your mother and father lead their lives one way doesn’t mean you’re destined to do the same. Look around yourself, Xavier. Look at what you’ve done, the life you’ve created for yourself. You can do anything you want and be anything you want.”
Her words were so powerful I could no longer stare at my lap. I turned my face upwards and gazed into her eyes. “That’s the kind of thing you hear on a Ted talk.”
“Yeah, and I bet no one’s ever directly said it to you,” she responded seriously. “But you need to hear it. You are your own man, Xavier. You’re self-made. Don’t be afraid to act like it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Riley
I slowly made my way along the West Side walkway, scanning for Seth. It had taken me forever to get over here from Brooklyn, and I’d ended up being fifteen minutes late. I stopped at the rope sequestering the pier off from the walkway and squinted my eyes against the light. A figure waved its arm at me.
Stepping over the rope, I climbed onto the pier and walked toward Seth. “Sorry I’m late,” I apologized. “It took longer than I thought it would.”
“I was just finishing up here. Want to climb on board?” He offered his hand. I looked past him, at the yacht tethered to the dock. I didn’t know anything about boats, but I did know this one was bigger than I thought it would be.
“You sail this all by yourself?”
“It’s not that hard. Come on.”
I took his offered hand and let him help me on deck. We were at the front of the yacht, where long benches were decorated with cushions. “This is really nice. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Get comfy. Grab a drink.” He nodded at the cooler near my feet. “I need to get us out of here, but I’ll be back soon.”
I relaxed against the cushions as Seth guided the yacht away from the shore. We went south, moving at a languid pace. We were right between Manhattan and New Jersey, tall buildings reaching up toward the sky on either side. I opened the cooler at my feet and dug through the ice. There were cans of beer, iced tea, and water. Since it was still morning, I opted for the tea.
The boat stopped moving, and Seth appeared. He dropped down next to me and rested his arms on the back of the bench.
“It’s nice out here,” I commented.
“Yeah.” He turned to look at me, though he had to squint some because of the light. I shielded my own face, regretting forgetting to bring sunglasses.
I cleared my throat. There was no easy way to begin this whole thing. If I was hoping to get some more dirt out of Seth, though, I would have to win him over. “I’m sorry about the other night. I was too harsh.”
He shrugged. “It happens. Everyone goes through days.”
“Yeah, I was definitely having one of those.”
“PMS is a bitch.” He reached in front of me and snagged a bottle of water from the cooler. “Or so I’ve heard.”
I bristled but stayed calm. “Yeah.” I drew out the word, not sure what else to add. Pointing out that I wasn’t PMSing didn’t seem productive. It could lead to us butting heads. No matter what happened, I needed to remember the importance of keeping Seth on my side.
“I still need to show you my place.” He unscrewed the cap on his water and took a swig.
“That would be nice.” I trailed my finger through the sweat on my bottle. “Anyway, I wanted to talk more about that list you mentioned.”
Seth scratched his head. “I don’t really know much about it.”
“Really? I thought you had access to it. Isn’t that what you said?”
“Did I?” He thought about it. “I haven’t been on it in a while. That’s why—”
“Then how did you find me?”
“Huh?”
“How did you know where I work?”
That made him pause again. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “Look, I saw you and Xavier together, and I thought you were hot, so I went and looked you up. I don’t use that list all the time. I’m not pathetic, unlike some people.”
He didn’t have to use a name for me to know who “some people” might be.
“Okay,” I answered, trying to decide on my next move. “So, you’re not really that into the list?”
“Hell no. I can manage my own social life.”
I turned to face him. “How many people use it?”
I was doing my best to make it sound like I was asking questions out of pure, innocent curiosity, but Seth didn’t like something. He shook his head in disgust and put his water bottle down. “Are we going to talk about this all morning or are we going to have fun?”
“I want to have fun,” I quickly said. “I was just asking because this whole thing sounds so interesting.”
He let out a little half laugh. He didn’t believe me. God, I was so bad at this. Maybe I should have brought Ann-Marie with me after all.
“I’m putting on some music,” Seth announced, standing up. He went into the cabin area, and a minute later dance music filled the air. He came back with a joint between his fingers. Sitting back down next to me, he lit it, inhaled, and then offered it to me.
“No thanks.”
“You don’t smoke?”
“It’s just, uh, kind of early for me.” Out of lack of anything else to do, I took a hearty drink of my iced tea.
Seth took another hit and kicked his legs out in front of him. “It is funny about Xavier though.”
My ears perked up like a hunting dog’s. “What is?”
“He got so worked up over you.” Seth chuckled. “It’s like you were too much for him to handle.” His eyes slunk over toward me. “I can see that. You’re feisty.”
The gleam in his irises made me want to squirm. I held myself still, though, and forced out a laugh. Friends, I reminded myself. We’re supposed to be friends here.
Seth kept looking at me, a weird side-smile on his face. I gulped and quickly turned away. There were more boats out on the water, but they were all so far away. It felt like Seth and I were in a world all by ourselves.
“Is there a bathroom here?” I asked.
Seth nodded downwards. “It’s below deck. Right next to the bedroom.”