“Worth is a psychologist, remember? No, I’m afraid he holds himself above we mortals when it comes to self-healing.”
“I hope you don’t mind, Auggie, but Liane has filled me in on the difficulty. If I might be so bold, I wonder if you might not hold the key?”
I stared at him, unsure if I heard him correctly. “Me?”
“Men are solitary creatures. They don’t share well, each having his own territory. When he makes a family, he provides for them and lives for them. Without them, he has no purpose. Do you see where I’m headed?” he asked, drawing on his pipe again.
The air was filled with the sweet cherry scent of his tobacco, and I had to admit it was beginning to stifle me a bit. “Might we take a walk, Ben?”
He instantly recognized the problem and tamped out his pipe. “Of course, of course, how thoughtless of me.”
We left the church and strolled along the sidewalk. “Go on with what you were saying, Ben, please.”
“Oh, yes, yes, quite. Indeed, as I was about to say, men need a purpose behind their ability to provide. They need a sense of recognition, perhaps even a reward. They fight for their king, or in this case, country. They feed, clothe, and shelter their family, but for themselves? They drink and sport, but they are constantly competing to be the best. Even the weakest man must find some way to be the strongest, if you see what I mean.”
“I do, Ben, I really do,” I answered, a bit amazed at how unique it felt to have a conversation that was about something other than horses or business.
“I’m wondering whether Worth and Hawk are nothing more than highly-spirited men who have no opportunity to compete, other than in anger and for your approval? They are equally strong, although Hawk has the advantage of youth and this thwarts Worth’s ability to maintain the leadership role on every count, in every situation. I believe they are competing for your acknowledgement.”
We strolled nearly to the corner while I processed what he was telling me. “I see where you’re going with this, and I have to say, I’d never really thought of it like that. Yes, you’re right; they’re both very competitive.” I was intent on his words but becoming more thoughtful.
“Yes, yes. Now, in this case, Worth and Hawk were born into money. Money is the scorekeeper, you see, but only for those who began with none. Therefore, there are no means of acknowledging a victor here — not in any category.”
I nodded, enthusiastic to hear such a monumentally indescribable situation be explained in logical terms. “Go on,” I encouraged him.
“Therefore, either the men must separate enough that they no longer compete, or there must be an alternate reward or recognition. There is only one you, Auggie.” I nodded, understanding. “However, the reward is different for each of them. It is up to you to clearly define this. To Worth, you are wife. You must let him know this and acknowledge that he is a good husband, provider and so forth. To Hawk, you are mother. He must feel the security of your love and support and be encouraged to become his own man. Neither man can question his role in your life. You must be very careful not to hold approval of one over the other’s head.”
I stopped walking and was stunned by the simplicity.
“Yes, I see you are what we Brits call gobsmacked.” He smiled and patted my shoulder encouragingly.
“You’ve hit it on the head, Ben. I’ve accused Worth of being a bad father because of his personality traits then told Hawk that he’s exactly like his father. That put them on par and naturally, they’re fighting to prove me wrong. If, as you say, my opinion carries the weight it does, then I’ve gone about this all wrong! I’ve encouraged, rather than helped to resolve their differences.”
“Exactly,” Ben said, smiling with the reward of having been a good counselor.
“I can’t tell you what this means to me, Ben. Thank you,” I gushed and kissed him on the cheek.
“It will take some thinking on your part, Auggie,” he cautioned. “Old habits are difficult to break. We must first realize which part of our behavior is inspired by logic and which by habit. Once the patterns are discerned, we can begin to make adjustments. Nothing too drastic, mind you. That becomes noticeable and certainly Worth, with his professional training, will see what you’re up to.”
I smiled. “You know him well.”
“As he knows you. I believe the trick will be in how you allow yourself to think of each of them. Your behavior toward them will reflect that thought pattern. Resentment encourages defense — you get the idea.”
We heard laughter behind us as the guests began to arrive. “Ben, you may have changed the outcome for not only Liane but everyone in our family. Let’s head back, shall we?”
“With pleasure. Just remember… it falls to you to determine the boundaries.”
“I’ll remember,” I agreed and took his arm as he held it out to me. We strolled toward the church just as Liane emerged and ran to hug me.
The baby shower was just the thing to lighten my mood that afternoon. Liane sat, surrounded by friends and well-wishers, opening gift after gift and expressing delight at each new surprise. The refreshments were bountiful, and there was anticipation in the air. I hugged Ben and Liane as I left, offering to carry back anything that wouldn’t fit in Liane’s car. She appreciated the gesture, and we loaded a stroller into my trunk. “I’ll get the rest when I come to visit Dad,” Liane explained. I waved as I drove off and the drive home was the first pleasantly decent day I’d enjoyed in a long, long time.
While I was in such a positive mood, I went the back way and pulled into the short drive outside Hawk’s gate. I didn’t need to call him. He monitored my arrival and opened the gates from inside the house. I pulled in just as he walked out the door and toward me, giving me a welcoming hug.
“How was the shower? Do I need a storage pod?” He grinned, and I rejoiced. His smile was a beautiful sight to see. I don’t even notice his scars anymore.
“The shower, young man, was absolutely delightful. Lianne’s friends are friendly and welcomed me. I spent some time with Ben, chatting. Overall, I’m very glad I went. And yes, you can start with the stroller that’s packed into my trunk.”
Hawk was watching my face as he lifted it out and carried it toward the house. He could see my mood was definitely lighter, and it seemed to please him. This was the beginning of many realizations to come. He was accustomed to my face being sad and worried — this was a pleasant improvement.
“Come in,” he invited. “I don’t think I’ve ever shown you around, have I?”
“I’d love to.” This was exactly the sort of thing that Ben had talked about.
Hawk put the stroller into a spare bedroom and shut the door. “The nursery in case we don’t get the house done in time,” he explained, and I nodded.