I never told Worth much about those conversations with Hawk. I felt the conversations were private, much the same as those Worth had with his own patients. I did tell him when Hawk came by, though. When I spoke our son’s name, I could see a flicker of something in his face, but never really knew whether it was pain or anger. He kept it below the surface, which was dangerous. I felt the volcano building inside him.
Sometimes Hawk brought Liane, and as we became better acquainted, we grew much closer. She told me of her empathic nature, and I told her I’d already guessed it, based on the way she had calmed that birthing mare. I think she was relieved that I knew; and more so that I didn’t think she was strange.
“You have a special gift, Liane. Everyone does, but not everyone gets to use theirs or even know they have it. That’s why it’s so important to be true to yourself. You can’t live the life others would have for you. Otherwise, on your final day, you will look back with regret.”
I noticed I’d become far more introspective since Dad’s death. Suddenly life and death were not just something that happened in the barn or on television. It was real and part of my life. Indeed, it would be my own life.
The day came that Hawk and Liane told me they were getting married. After months of legal paperwork, Hawk officially had his new identity, and his passport had arrived. They would honeymoon in Australia. I was jealous. I’d always wanted to go there myself.
“So, when and where will the ceremony be? Liane, I’ll be happy to help with the planning.” I smiled with enthusiasm. It was the first shaft of light in an otherwise gray existence. “I’m sure your dad won’t mind if Worth and I were to chip in a bit?”
Hawk looked at Liane and swallowed hard. “It won’t be necessary, Mom. Liane and I will be married by her father in the churchyard with only a few people there. My friend, Kenny, will be my best man and Liane’s girlfriend will stand up for her.”
“Oh.” My heart shifted closer to my feet.
“Mother… Mom, you and Father won’t be invited to the wedding.”
The words lay there, stark and cold and I dared not pick them up. I wasn’t strong enough.
“Oh, I see.”
Could he hear the sound of my heart breaking? Could he feel the pain that was rushing into my brain at that moment?
“We’ve discussed it and feel it would be, well, cleaner that way. Father and I are not on good terms. I don’t think either of the twins will care either way. The only one who will care is you. But you won’t come without Father. You see?”
I swallowed hard and nodded slowly. “Yes, I guess I do.” I couldn’t stop the tears, though. They had become a daily event over the winter. I was to be denied my eldest son’s wedding because of Worth. The only question that remained was who to blame? Who could I blame?
“It’s okay.” I tried to be brave and patted Liane’s hand. “It’s your special day, and it shouldn’t have any tension in it.”
“I’m glad you understand.” Hawk’s voice cracked a bit, and I glimpsed a softness there for the first time. Perhaps it had more to do with Liane, than with me, however.
“Hawk, one thing. I don’t want to be the one to tell your father. Don’t make me go through that. Either tell him yourself or not at all, but just don’t ask me to be the middleman on this.”
He nodded. “I understand. I think it’s better if we just don’t mention it to him. This is about Liane and me. It’s about beginning our lives together. It will be better if Father’s role is as an observer than participant.”
I had to agree, and as much as it hurt, I could see his point. I resolved to look at the brighter side. Hawk and Liane had spent a good deal of time with me through the last months. The least I could do was to finally put myself second and them first. I could find the strength to let Hawk have his happiness. As a matter of fact, I owed it to him.
So, on the eve of their early spring wedding, I met Hawk and Liane at a small restaurant in town. We kept the mood light, and I presented them with the deed to a thousand acres that adjoined Hawk’s property as a wedding gift. It had just come available through a tax sale, and I managed to spot it and snap it up. Its elevation was high enough to see the Ohio River and a good deal of the county.
“Perhaps someday you would like to build there,” I suggested.
A part of me expected Hawk to fling the piece of paper back into my face. Instead, he swallowed hard and said, “Thank you.”
When it was time to leave, I walked out to the parking lot so I wouldn’t be crying in the restaurant.
“I want you both to know that I love you and wish for you all the happiness you can possibly squeeze out of this life. Your father, Hawk, for all his self-involvement, loves you too. Never forget that. Liane, welcome to the family, darling, although I’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse.” I forced my lips to smile and my eyes to twinkle as I said it. “Regardless, after tomorrow, you will be a LaViere, just like the rest of us who are cursed with the name.”
We all laughed as I kissed them. I closed my eyes as Hawk enfolded me in his arms. I waved goodbye as I got into my car and lowered the window. “Have a wonderful honeymoon!” They both waved and I watched them as long as I could in the rear view mirror.
They didn’t notice the small, gray rental car that briefly parked across from the churchyard that next day. They didn’t see my tears or feel the warmth of the love I sent toward them. Well, Liane did, for after Hawk kissed her at the altar, she turned a bit and blew a kiss toward the street.
I’d blown one back, and she’d smiled and touched her hand to her cheek. It was enough. I pulled away from the church, heading toward home.
I had no idea what life was to bring and could not have been prepared, even if I did.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Hawk
If there was ever a time in my life that I believed I knew what wonderful felt like, it was then. Liane and I were married by her father that cool spring day, surrounded by sprouts of spring flowers and the sound of the church bell tolling. The scene could have easily been in England — even I felt it was a romantic setting.
Liane was breathtaking in a simple, white tissue sheath with her long locks atop her head in a circlet braid with little dried flowers woven in. She had described the dress to me beforehand, although I wasn’t permitted to see it. Beyond that, I don’t remember much except that for the first time, I knew what it was to truly have someone who belonged to me. It was unimaginable.