The List

I was beside myself with worry. Worth said little, but I could tell he was concerned as well. We both knew that eventually Worth was going to have to return to Kentucky to tend to business and there was no way I could handle twin babies as well as a young teen who was determined to be wild and harmful. I insisted the babies sleep in bassinets in my room just because I was afraid Ford might harm them.

Worth had stayed as long as he could but needed to return to Kentucky for at least a week to get things caught up. He decided to take Ford with him. They left on a Monday morning, close to Halloween. They landed in Louisville and went straight to the clinic. Worth was in his office making phone calls when a commotion got his attention. He opened his door and heard women screaming from the opposite end of the clinic. By the time he got there, Ford streaked past him. One of the attendants came out and told Worth that Ford had gone into the ladies’ hot tub and massage area and was making obscene gestures and comments to the naked guests. Worth turned and strode down the hallway to find Ford, but he’d run out into the parking lot and was missing.

Worth called to tell me not to worry, but that Ford was on the run and to let him know if I heard anything. I wanted to jump on a plane myself but knew there was nothing I could do but wait. Worth called Bill Daughtery, and Bill told him to call the police. It was time to get the authorities involved.

It was horrible.

Ford caused a wide path of uproar as he travelled. He walked into stores and grabbed things before running into the parking lot. He picked up landscaping rocks and smashed them into parked cars, setting off alarms and breaking glass, in addition to causing sizeable dents. Worth was driving up and down the street, following the sound of alarms, trying to track Ford down.

The police caught up to him first and arrested him as a juvenile and took him to detention. They called me first and then I telephoned Worth. Worth hired an attorney but the judge felt Ford was a danger to himself, as well as others, and held him in detention. Worth contacted Tyler Peterson who went to visit Ford and came back with dire observations.

“Your son is deeply disturbed, Worth. I’m sorry. He declared in front of staff that he wanted to kill himself and anyone who got in his way. He needs a thorough examination by several doctors specializing in adolescents. I would also recommend a physical exam to be sure to rule out tumors or neurological causes. I’m sorry, Worth, I wish I had better news to report. You’d better get the best in on this — you’re going to need it.”

Worth relayed all this to me. We had sworn honesty to one another and although it pained me to hear it, I knew it pained him more to tell me. We decided he would stay in Louisville indefinitely until he got Ford straightened out and that I would stay in Florida with the twins. We couldn’t risk whatever mania was in control of him.

It was the saddest, loneliest holiday season I could ever remember. My son needed me and there was nothing I could do to help him, not even be by his side. It was too dangerous for him to be near the little ones. They needed me, too, and perhaps even more. I wanted Worth to be with me, to assure me that everything would come out alright, but he could give neither the assurance nor the companionship.

Dad and Margaret tried to cheer me up, but I could tell they were just as frightened as I was. How was it possible that an adolescent boy could hold all these adults, especially authorities, hostage? My son had become a part of the system. Any efforts on Worth’s or my part now to remove him from their custody would result in our being prosecuted as unfit parents and child protective services would take him from us, perhaps permanently.

The winter dragged and the golden Gulf held no magic for me. I tended to the twins who were already curious and starting to be mobile. Margaret and I took them for long walks in the sunshine in a double stroller, but our hearts were always heavy.

Worth finally flew down for a three-day weekend in late February. Margaret watched the babies while he and I went out to dinner. We chose a quiet little place where we could talk.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I said and he nodded, his fingers stroking the back of my hand.

“I know, sweetheart. I don’t know what’s going on — where this all came from all of a sudden.”

I linked my fingers with his. “Worth, be truthful. We’ve seen it coming. There have been signs all along the way. There’s something wrong with him and as long as he had our full attention, he wasn’t triggered. But now he has to share us with his siblings, with the businesses, the development — he’s acting out. We can’t watch him closely enough.”

“They’re talking about keeping him in confinement at the boys’ home,” Worth told me and my heart felt like it would break in half. He was such a beautiful young man, but all the money we had wouldn’t buy him happiness.

“Is there somewhere better to put him that the judge would accept?” I asked. “Maybe a facility here in Florida where I could visit?”

“No, first the judge won’t let him out of his jurisdiction. Second, you’ll be coming back up to Louisville very soon and then he’d be down here alone. Third, the facility up there is at least monitored by people I know. I don’t have any connections down here.”

“Worth, what do you think we should do? If he weren’t your son, what would you recommend?”

I knew that question hit him hard. He took a deep breath and said, “I would have him committed.”

The words were like a punch to my gut and it took me several seconds to respond. “Oh my god! I had no idea we were to that point! Is it really as bad as all that?”

“I’m afraid so, Auggie. The only treatment he responds to now is complete sedation. That means he cannot learn, cannot take part in group sessions. He can’t even hold a conversation with the doctors trying to examine him. Auggie, I can’t let you and the babies come back unless he’s confined. He cannot be trusted, not by anyone. He has a death wish.”

I didn’t want to hear the words but if Worth had said anything less, I would have accused him of lying. I knew my son. I had seen the lack of empathy; the cold, selfish way he treated the world. He didn’t fit in. He was lost to me, for the time being at least.

“Is there a possibility he’ll outgrow it, Worth?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart. It happens, I suppose, but it’s rare.” He lifted my hand to his lips. “Time will tell.”





Epilogue


Worth


It was, without a doubt, the saddest day in my life. My first-born son was being locked away from me, his mother and the rest of his family. He’d been examined by the top men in the field and they all said the same thing. “Confine him and pray for time to change him.”