The List

“Because, dear Mother, he may have been a bastard, but you certainly are a bitch. You’re right you didn’t deserve what you got — you didn’t deserve to find a man as loving and loyal as my father to save your stupid ass.”


I looked at Dad, who was looking as shell-shocked as my mom. “I’m sorry, Dad, if this hurts you, but you should know it anyway. Mother, here, almost caused Worth to lose his clinic. He was being blackmailed by his father and Dr. Jervis, Worth’s original partner. They claimed Worth was abusing his position as a psychologist by breaking the vows of doctor / patient ethics. You know why? Because they both had dirty hands and my Worth stood to expose them both!”

I took in a deep breath so I could speak this next part. “Worth went into the clinic the night you were in there fucking Jervis, dear Mother.” Her voice choked in a gasp and Dad’s face went white. “That’s right, Mother. Worth saw your fat, ugly ass high in the air while that limp-dick Jervis was fucking you!” I was beside myself in anger and amazed at the sailor’s language that was pouring from my mouth. It matched how I felt and anything less would have underserved the vulgarity of her betrayal. “Worth caught you but didn’t recognize you until the night he came here and I introduced him to you. You nearly went into a dead faint and it wasn’t for a while that he realized why. Then he identified you by your horrid, dyed, red hair. He knew why you behaved so rudely, why you didn’t want him around and why you have always been so cruel to Dad and to me. I won’t let it happen any longer, Mother. I can’t even stand to use that word with you. You will not be around Ford. As far as I’m concerned, you’re dead to him.”

My voice had risen to shouting and I didn’t care. It felt like a huge boil within me had burst. All the subdued anger I felt finally surfaced and poured out with the vile words I used. It poured out and all over the creature who had made our lives miserable.

“Dad, I’m leaving and nothing would make me happier than if you were to come with me. We have plenty of room at the new house and you can have a suite of rooms. You need never see this woman again!” I stood to leave, but it seemed Dad had a few things to say as well.

“Caren, you know I have always stood by you all these years. I’ve lied for you, I married you and I held you all those nights when I knew you were really crying for him. I threw away any chance of true love and happiness for myself and stayed with you.”

He took a step toward my mother but seemed to force himself to stop. “I want you to know now that it wasn’t for you. It hasn’t been for some time. It was for this young lady who you see before you, and for the baby she’s holding in her arms. I wanted Auggie to have the best I could possibly provide for her. She’s my blood, Caren. You cannot ever take that away. You can withhold your affections from me and I’ll sleep in a separate room my entire life — but you can never take Auggie away from me.”

He spread his arms wide, indicating the room. “Now… I seem to remember that this house and all that is in it was paid for by my money. You had none and never did. If you remember, my parents insisted that if I was to marry you, you had to sign a prenuptial. Well, I’m calling in the marker, dear Caren. I want a divorce and I want you off this property within thirty days. I will give you a small bankroll so you can find somewhere to go, but then you’ll have to find a way to take care of yourself. Somehow, I don’t think you’ll have great difficulty doing that. It seems that eventually you manage to get off your back and up onto your feet. Even when they’re in the air.”

Mother was half sitting, half lying in her chair. She had completely collapsed and for a moment, I wondered whether she was having a stroke. Her arm was raised in the air, clawing at space as if trying to restore her grip on her life.

“Auggie, you go on home, dear. I’m going to stay here and keep an eye on things,” Dad said calmly. I knew he didn’t mean that he was looking after Mother, but after his own welfare and possessions. I’d never known about the prenuptial and couldn’t believe how stupid Mother was to have endangered her ability to live by treating my dad so badly.

I nodded, kissed Dad on the cheek and never looked back at the woman who gave me life. As far as I was concerned, she did not exist.

***

My hands were shaking on the drive back to town. I was, at first, appalled at my own behavior and language. That was totally unlike me. I had to do it, though. It had to be that kind of behavior. The kind of language that was irretrievably a part of our verbal history and could not be taken back. It was the only way it would work with Mother and me. A clean cut.

I pulled into the parking lot at the clinic and carried Ford with me into the lobby. “I need to see my husband,” I said to Patsy and there must have been a look on my face that worried her because she instantly came out from behind her desk and escorted me through the back entrance into Worth’s inner office.

“He’s in another part of the clinic just now, finishing a group session. I’ll have him in here in less than five minutes.” She patted me on the shoulder. “Anything I can get you or the baby?”

I shook my head. “Just my husband,” I said again and she hurried out.

True to her word, Worth was in front of me in four minutes. “What’s wrong?” His face showed alarm. He knew it wasn’t like me to show up here unannounced.

“I finally did it,” I started and sat down, crying.

“Auggie, what is it?” he asked me, sitting down next to me and taking Ford while putting his spare arm around me.

“I took Ford out to meet Mother for the first time,” I stuttered.

Worth nodded. “And I guess it didn’t go so well,” he commiserated.

“It couldn’t have gone worse. I totally lost it. She is evil, Worth… truly evil.”

“That doesn’t mean you have that trait, Auggie. You’re like your dad. You’re the best person possible, honey.”

“It’s not that, Worth. I just never thought she could really be as bad as I thought she was. I thought it was because I was her daughter and resented the way she raised me. She was always so strict, so uncaring. I never knew how horrible she was to Dad, though.”

“Well, Auggie, that’s up to him to take care of,” Worth said.

“Oh, he’s taking care of it, alright.” A sound came out of me that was half laugh, half sob. “He’s divorcing her. Worth, it was awful. She just kept on and on, saying things about your father and how it was everyone’s fault but hers. I lost it. She insulted my Dad, saying he wasn’t worth much and her life had been ruined, and I absolutely lost it.”

“Awww… it can’t be that bad,” Worth tried to comfort me.

“No, it really was that bad. I told her everything, Worth. All of it.”

Worth was silent. “I see. About Linc? Jervis?”

“All of it.”

“Jesus.”