So, now, I drove away from the house I’d grown up in. It was sullied with blood in a way that couldn’t be cleaned with soap and water. I would never step foot in that house again as long as I lived.
Father found a way to get back at me, after all. He hoped, I’m sure, to leave me with a legacy of guilt, and most certainly of shame for having been the son of a man who was a murderer and a coward beneath the hateful exterior of a monster. He had the last word. I couldn’t tell him of the sense of relief his death brought… and not just to me.
What still remained was telling Mother. I pulled up to the condo and saw a news truck parked at the edge of the parking lot. I imagined that Auggie had thoughtfully notified the management to be on the lookout and that any non-resident would be denied access to the parking area inside the gate.
I went up to the condo, using every bit of my education to form the words that I must say. How could I tell my mother that her husband had hated his life — with her, with me, and with my child to come — enough to take his own life? She could never return to the farm now, either. There were too many painful memories for that to be a healthy choice.
Mother surprisingly accepted the news quietly. In fact, she didn’t even seem particularly surprised. It was as if she knew he had run out of options and when I’d offered for her to come with me, she was eager to be gone when he resolved his life in the only way that made sense to him. Perhaps she welcomed the shackles being cut. Her life was not over. She had friends and distant family. She was even still young enough to start over with a new husband and perhaps that would be her reward for having stayed.
After the coroner returned his report stating that Father had died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, we had him cremated and his remains buried in the family cemetery at the back of the farm. There were few mourners; not even those people who would come to gloat. It was as if he had been erased from the memory of everyone who knew him.
When I walked into Joe’s the day after the funeral, the regulars put up a toast of respect, to Worth LaViere, III. I acknowledged all this meant and had shed the claustrophobic skin of being a son, finally.
We retreated from the world for a few days until the headlines disappeared. I’d canceled my appointments, but I don’t think anyone was really surprised. I had other doctors on staff to cover for me for the time being. I needed to be at home with my wife and my mother.
After the funeral, I felt we needed a change of scenery. I booked first-class seats for Puerto Rico and took Mother and Auggie down to a resort for a week. Mother was as excited as a young child. Father never included her in any of his trips and she’d barely been out of Kentucky over her entire lifetime. It made me feel good to give her this simple pleasure.
The resort where we stayed had several pools and Mother respected our privacy and spent most days in the sun or lounging within a cabana with a book. Auggie and I, on the other hand, made love continually, only stopping to sleep and eat. I think we needed the reassurance that everything would be okay with us and with our future.
It happened that we ran into some people we knew from Louisville, most notably a gentleman of Mother’s acquaintance when she was in college. He was recently widowed as well, and they spent two evenings sharing over long dinners. If nothing else, it made her feel vibrant as a woman again, and I hoped they might get together upon returning home.
The blissful week finally came to an end. We had managed to wash off the horror of the preceding weeks and could look to our futures with a more positive view. Auggie’s shape was changing daily and I had never seen her more beautiful.
When we returned to Louisville, it was decided that Mother would remain with us at the condo. I couldn’t be certain, but her mood almost seemed superficially somber. She received calls from friends on a continual basis and it was almost as if there was relief on everyone’s mind.
I had counseled hundreds of patients for grieving. I understood the stages, the relief followed by the guilt. I asked myself if I was being cold, but I could not find grief in my heart. Not as a son, not as a man, not even as an admirer of a man who had managed to build an empire. He was simply and finally… gone.
I’d heard a story that Auggie’s mother had poured herself a glass of straight bourbon, downed it at one time and then slammed it down, proclaiming, “There! That’s the end of that!” It seemed no one would mourn him.
The attorney contacted me a week following our return, needing some papers signed. It seemed Father had left the estate to me. Some sort of ironic dare, I suppose. I signed it over to Mother and told her to sell it and spend every penny of it enjoying herself.
It was at that point that Auggie and I came to a decision. The baby was due soon and our life was not yet settled. We decided to move into our new home right away.
I hired movers to pack our personal items, especially those for the nursery. Otherwise, we left the condo intact and Mother moved in. She would be closer to us and further from the memories of the farm. She had it cleaned and the furniture removed, thereafter putting it into the hands of a realtor. While the house certainly held a stigma, the land and barns were the majority of the value and new owners could choose to raze the house and build anew. Personally, I hoped that’s exactly what they would do. I’d never particularly liked the house and there was plenty of room to build a much larger building. If the real estate agent advised it, I would have the house demolished myself and offer the land and barns alone. Either way, Mother had a haven at the condo near us and we had a feeling that she would not be lonely for long.
I heard no more threats about the clinic and began to make plans to open a second one in Lexington, and then had my sights set on Cincinnati.
Now that things were more settled, Auggie came in one day for a back massage to relieve the sore muscles from the weight of the baby. Everyone crowded around her, making a fuss over her, and she loved every minute of it. As much as I knew she looked forward to being a mother, there was a side of her that was very sociable and practical. I began to give some thought to asking her to be a part of the business, particularly when we opened the new sites.
I broached this to her that evening and was surprised at her reaction.
***
“I don’t think so,” she said immediately.
“Oh? Really? I thought you would love to try your hand at the business, Auggie. After all, that’s what you went to school to learn, right?”
“Just because I know a good deal about business doesn’t mean I agree with how you run yours,” she pointed out in a salty tone.
“Which means?”
“Worth, I love you, but you’ve been reckless in the way you treat your clients. You know as well as I that you’ve found occasions to influence them unfairly when they came to you for your professionalism and guidance.”