The Life She Was Given

She sprinted up to her old room, grabbed the dusty patchwork elephant off the shelf, ran back downstairs, and set the photo and elephant side by side. The elephants were identical, right down to the button eye and braided tail made out of yarn. She tried to remember where she got hers, but nothing came to her. It had been one of her favorite toys for as far back as she could remember, and Mother always made sure it was in her bed every night. It could have been purchased at the circus, but it looked handmade.

With a hundred questions spinning in her head, she took the photos of the woman back to the den, opened the circus poster, and looked at the woman on the elephant. They had to be one and the same. She knelt on the floor and went through the newspaper clippings again, laying them out on the rug. When she found what she was looking for—the clipping featuring The Albino Medium—she read the first sentence of the article and put a hand over her mouth. The Albino Medium’s name was Lilly, the same name written inside the camera case. Trying to figure out what it all meant, Julia could hardly think straight. Had her father taken her to the circus when she was a baby, introduced her to his mistress, and purchased the elephant there? Is that why she couldn’t remember ever going? Or was the baby on Lilly’s lap her dead sister? If the camera belonged to Lilly, how did it get in her father’s desk? And why hadn’t Father gotten the film developed?





CHAPTER 23


LILLY

After Cole knocked Merrick over the head with the bull hook for attacking Lilly in the cooch show dressing tent, he took Lilly into his sleeper car and laid her gently on the sofa. Shivering, she held the torn evening gown together as best she could and lay back on a pillow, the muscles in her legs and arms aching, the inside of her thighs scraped and sore. Her cheek felt hot and swollen. Cole helped her into one of his long-sleeved shirts, wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, then sat beside her on the edge of the sofa to wipe the blood from her split lip with a clean, wet handkerchief.

“I shouldn’t be here,” she said, her voice shaking. “When they find Merrick, Mr. Barlow and his strongmen will be searching for me and this is the first place they’ll look. I should hide over at the menagerie.”

Cole shook his head. “If you hide, you’ll look guilty, and you didn’t do anything wrong. And what happens if they find you over there all alone? You think they’ll take it easy on you?”

“No, but if Merrick is dead, I don’t want you tied up in this mess.”

“If he’s dead, I’m not going to let you take the rap for killing the son of a bitch. I’m the one who hit him over the head, and I’d do it again if I caught him trying to . . .” Fury flickered in his eyes and he looked away.

“Shhh,” she said. “It’s okay.” She put a hand on his cheek and turned his face toward her again. “You saved me. I’m fine.”

He took her hand in his and gazed at her with sorrowful eyes. “When they get here, they’ll see . . . they’ll see what he did to you.”

Tears filled her eyes. “How did you . . . how did you know I was in trouble?”

“When I heard you ran off stage, I knew Merrick would be furious. I tried to get to you before he did, but I . . . I’m sorry, Lilly.” He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead with gentle fingers. “For everything.”

Just then, Hank plodded out of the bedroom, his eyes swollen with sleep, his hair sticking out in all directions. “Cole?” he said. “What’s going on?”

Before Cole could answer, Mr. Barlow’s strongmen barged into the sleeper car.

*

A short time later, Lilly and Cole stood inside Mr. Barlow’s car, the strongmen guarding the exit. Smoking a cigar, Mr. Barlow scowled from his seat at the table while Alana sipped coffee on the couch, her bare legs crossed, one foot bouncing up and down. Chi-Chi had curled up in the crook of Lilly’s arm and was nuzzling her neck. Lilly scratched the dog’s ears to avoid eye contact with Mr. Barlow and Merrick, who sat at the table with an ice pack held to his head. Along with the bruises on her face and her sore muscles, she could feel every taut muscle in her neck, every burning vein beneath her skin. Until now, she hadn’t realized how much she wished Merrick dead. On one hand, she was distressed to find him alive. On the other, she was relieved. At least Cole couldn’t be charged with murder.

“I don’t give a good goddamn!” Mr. Barlow shouted at Cole. “If you want her in the show with you and the bulls, you’re paying Merrick for her!”

“Otherwise it’s kidnapping,” Merrick said.

Cole glared at Merrick with hateful eyes. “What are you going to do about it, you piece of shit?”

“Shut up, both of you!” Mr. Barlow said. “I’m the judge and jury in this circus and you know it.”

“That’s right,” Merrick said, lifting his chin. He winced in pain, then repositioned the ice pack on his head. “So what’s the punishment for assault?”

“What’s the punishment for attempted rape?” Cole hissed.

Merrick grinned, his lips crooked and bloody. “It wasn’t rape, it was training. Someone had to get her ready for her next job.”

Cole lunged at him, his hands in claws, his face contorted with fury. The strongmen caught him and held him back.

Mr. Barlow slammed a fist on the table. “I told you to shut your pie hole and let me handle this, Merrick!”

Merrick grumbled under his breath.

“What’s that?” Mr. Barlow said. “You got something to say? Say it out loud.”

“I said she belongs to me,” Merrick said. He looked at Cole. “So unless you want to be red-lighted for assault and kidnapping, and your girlfriend here wants to pay off her debt by entertaining rubes behind the baggage wagons, pay up.”

“No,” Cole said. “I’m not paying for my wife.”

Lilly stopped petting Chi-Chi and looked up.

Mr. Barlow’s face went sour. “What the devil are you talking about, boy?”

“As soon as Lilly is feeling up to it, we’re getting married,” Cole said. “You said yourself the bulls are your biggest draw. If you try to stop me from marrying Lilly, we’ll leave, and you’ll have a hard time getting JoJo to listen to anyone else. And if I go, my father goes. Ringling Brothers put an offer on the table months ago because they know he’s the best bull man around, but he turned it down because he didn’t want to desert your bulls and he knew I wouldn’t leave without Lilly.”

“The other performers won’t like you marrying a sideshow gal,” Alana said.

“They don’t have a problem with Lilly,” Cole said. “Even if they did, I wouldn’t care.”

Mr. Barlow dropped his shoulders and looked at Merrick. “I can’t stop them from getting married. This is a business, not a dictatorship. I’d have a rebellion on my hands.”

Merrick shot to his feet and threw the ice pack on the floor. The bag split open and pieces of ice scattered everywhere. Chi-Chi buried her head beneath Lilly’s arm.

“She’s my property!” Merrick shouted. “I paid good money for her!”

“And you’ve made it back tenfold,” Cole said. “You haven’t paid her a red cent in six years.”

“Because she’s been nothing but trouble from day one!” Merrick said.

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