The Lie

Applied herself. I hate that fucking teacher speak and it’s something I try my best not to say to students. But the reminder itself is good, because it reminds me that there is so much more going on in our world than just our relationship. There’s a chance that Melissa could mess things up for Natasha too, just when she’s gotten her life back.

He pauses. “Is Miss Trudeau one of your students?”

“No,” I say and I don’t offer any more than that.

“Very well then,” he says, thankfully not pressing the issue. He heads inside the theatre. “But she’s often late, just so you know.”

He’s right about that. She’s so late that she doesn’t even show up at all, even as I wait nearly the entire class. Now I’m worried as fucking hell.

I head back to my office, trying to plan what to do next, my head down, my brain sorting through all the possibilities.

Then I look up. And I see her, standing outside my office door.

I start running down the hall, like if I don’t catch her in time, she’ll disappear.

Don’t let her become a ghost again.

“Natasha,” I croak and up close now I can see her red, puffy eyes, her raw nose. She looks ravaged, like she hasn’t slept in months. “What happened? I’ve been trying to call, texting, emailing you. I’ve been worried sick.”

“I know,” she says, pained.

I reach out to touch her face but she flinches away from me.

“Don’t,” she whispers. She pulls away and nods at the door. “I need to talk to you in there.”

I swallow hard. My chest grows heavier.

We go inside my office and I lock the door behind us. I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tight to me. “Fuck. Tell me what happened.”

She hesitates and then puts her arms around my waist, leaning her cheek against my chest. I can feel her heart beating against me, wild and crazed.

She takes in a deep, shaking breath. “We have to end it, Brigs.”

Unease floods my chest.

“End what? What are you talking about?”

She sniffs and pulls back to look up at me. Her sweet face is torn with anguish, eyes brimming with tears “I tried to talk to her. I really did. She’s…she’s on a power trip. She’s just…she wants me to suffer, Brigs. She thinks it’s all about what’s fair in the world. She says what we are isn’t right…”

“Natasha,” I say sharply, holding her tight. “You’re smart enough to know what’s right and wrong. What we are is right. You know that.”

“I know,” she says softly, a tear spilling down. “I know she’s wrong but it’s what she believes. She says I have to choose – I can either break up with you and be miserable like she is or I can stay with you and she’ll make sure you lose your job.”

I can’t even comprehend this. The only thing I can comprehend is the amount of dread filling me, thick, heavy and sour. “That’s ridiculous. Why? Why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, she’s crazy. She’s…a…a…cunt. A cuntosaurus.”

I would normally laugh at that but there’s absolutely nothing funny about what Natasha is saying. “Listen to me,” I tell her. “If she won’t listen to reason, fine. But I’m not letting you go. That’s not an option.”

“Is losing your job an option?” she pleads.

“I won’t lose my job.”

“She said she’ll make sure of it.”

“Then I’ll fight it,” I tell her, getting angry.

“She’ll make sure you lose.”

“Then I’ll resign,” I say without even a thought. “I’ll quit the school before she can do anything.”

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will,” I tell her, peering into her eyes, trying to get her to understand. “It’s a job and it’s my career and I love it. I’ve worked hard for it. But in the end, it’s not who I am. It’s just a job and I can always get another one. You, on the other hand, there is no other you. My job doesn’t define me but you do, Natasha. Your heart defines mine.”

The tears are rolling down her cheek now and I try to kiss them away. She turns her head, shaking it.

“I can’t let you do that. I would rather quit school first.”

“No,” I say to her harshly. “You are not doing that. Think realistically here.”

“I am!” she cries out, pulling out of my arms. “We have to break up.”

A chill rushes over me in a sickening rush. “Natasha,” I warn her.

“I’m being realistic,” she says. “I’m trying to not be selfish for once in my life.”

“You’re just being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn,” I tell her.

“Fuck you,” she sneers. I flinch. It’s like a slap in the face. “Do you think I have an option here? Do you think I want this? Please, Brigs, you have to know me by now that I’m not being stubborn. This is the only way.”

But it isn’t, it isn’t.

“I’m resigning,” I tell her simply. “That’s all there is to it.”

I don’t even panic at the thought. It feels right, just as she feels right. It will be hard and I’m sure I’ll get a lot of hell for it. People won’t understand. It might make getting a new job harder but I will do it for her. At the very least, it will end the sneaking around. We can be together as we should. Free, for once in our lives.