“I used to have this fantasy that Spider Man wrapped me in his web and had his way with me,” I confess in a stage whisper.
Finn looks delighted, which makes me feel better. I didn’t like seeing the happy light in his eyes dim or that I’d made him feel shitty. We’re probably flirting too much for supposed friends. But if feels light, fun. I am the first to admit I can be too serious.
“Saucy, Chess.” He leans close so we’re facing each other over the table. “So is it just the dates that suck? Or the sex too?”
The fact that he has to ask puts us on totally separate planes. I don’t have sex with crappy dates. He clearly does. I give a little laugh and shake my head. “It’s been so long since I’ve had good sex, I swear I heard the mournful sound of Taps coming from the vicinity of my vagina last night.”
He chokes on his beer, spewing a fine mist over the table. Coughing on the remnants, he wipes his mouth and then the mess, before glaring. “I can’t believe you said that to me.”
I sip my own beer, hiding a smile. “Did my use of vagina offend you?”
“Yes,” he deadpans, then rolls his eyes. “I’m a guy. Now, I want to fix the problem.”
The heat in his eyes has me squirming in my seat. Not that I show it. “We’re friends. You can’t fix it.”
Finn’s expression could only be described as a leer. “Oh, I could fix it, all right.”
I grin wide, pretend that my heart isn’t beating harder, that my nipples aren’t perking up with interest. “But you won’t because that would ruin this fragile and new friendship.”
He snorts, then takes a long drink of his beer. “So don’t tempt me.”
Is that what I’m doing? Maybe I am. Maybe I need my head examined. Any time I get within sight of him everything grows warm and slow, swollen and tender. Except my heart, my breath, those quicken with impatience and greed. How would it be to fuck him? Would it be as combustible as my body believes? Would he wreck me for all others?
For one heady moment, I entertain the thought of giving in, of telling him, “Fix me. Until it hurts to walk.” But what if sleeping with him falls flat in the face of expectation?
And there is the unavoidable fact that he has flatly stated he doesn’t want a hookup with me. Despite his easy flirting, I know he was being honest. And, really, I don’t want a hookup either. So I’ll treat him just as I treat James.
Under the table, I nudge his knee with mine. “Come on. You don’t talk about sex with your friends?”
He gives me the stink eye, but he’s clearly fighting a smile too. “In general, guys never admit to their dicks singing sad songs. Kind of messes with the rep.”
“Heaven forbid.”
“Seriously, though,” he says. “I’m having a hard time believing you don’t have guys lined up waiting for a chance with you.”
Warmth blooms in my chest. “Well, aren’t you the sweet talker.”
“I’m stating a simple fact.” His brows draw together. “You didn’t have a bad experience did you?”
“Why do men always assume the worst?”
“You’re getting it wrong. Men assume to every problem there is a solution. So state your problem, and I’ll find a solution.”
The tilt of his chin is so imperious, I want to laugh. But the earnest concern in his eyes is kind of cute. With a sigh, I tell him the truth. “Sex for me is complicated.”
“You confused about what goes where, darlin’?”
“That was payback, wasn’t it?”
“A little bit.” He grows serious. “Why is sex complicated?”
I draw a fry through a puddle of ketchup. “I have a problem with latex.”
“A problem?”
“It gives me a rash.” I glance down at my lap with meaning.
A look of sympathetic horror washes over his face. “Oh, shit.” He shifts around in his seat. “Yeah, say no more. Please.”
My lips quirk. “It started up a year out of college. Suddenly, it was like my body was turning against me having casual sex.” It turned against me in more ways than that, but he doesn’t need to hear everything.
“Killed the free love, eh?” Finn steals one of my fries and eats it. “There are non-latex condoms, you know. Some of those ultra thin, barely there brands? They feel great…” He trails off with a slight flush. “The point is, options are available.”
I snort on a laugh. “Yeah, I know. But it became a kind of mental thing. I’d see dude rolling on a condom, and my lady bits would seize up in remembered horror.”
He winces, and I nod.
“I knew those condoms wouldn’t irritate me, but my lady bird was all, nope. That’s a no fly zone.”
Finn snickers, but his gaze travels over me with thoughtful appraisal. “So that’s it for sex? God, please don’t tell me that.”
“No, but it’s become…”
“Complicated,” he finishes for me.
“I can protect myself from getting pregnant. And I do. But now I have to trust the guy when he says he’s clean. He has to trust me when I say I am too. It’s just not a good casual sex situation.”
Finn nods in sympathy.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I say. “I still have sex. Just not casual hookups. Which is a good thing, since I actually want to get to know the guy before having sex with him. I want a relationship.”
“I hear you.” But he still stares.
“I’m not a pity case.”
“Didn’t think you were.”
“I’m going to ping you with a fry if you don’t get that look off your face.”
Finn’s lips curl, but his gaze turns calculating. “You know I’m clean—”
“No.”
“Consider it a friend helping out a friend service—”
“No,” I say with more emphasis.
He grins. “Worth a shot.”
“I think we should refrain from talking about sex from here on out.” In truth, I have no interest in hearing about his hookups.
Finn lets out an expansive sigh. “Thank God for small mercies. I’ll keep thinking about your mournful pussy and want to comfort it.”
He looks so disgruntled that I roll my eyes and chuck a piece of fish at him.