‘She’s no sister to me,’ I hiss back at him.
Luke gives a ‘for fuck’s sake’ face and turns to go. He stops in the doorway. For a second I think he’s had a change of heart, but he’s looking at the bookcase beside the door. He transfers Chloe into his right arm and with his now-free hand reaches out and picks something up from the top of the bookcase. He turns to me. ‘Something of yours, I believe.’
I gulp. It’s a green envelope file. I don’t have to read the black marker pen on the front to know what file it says. It’s the McMillan file. I take it from him. ‘That wasn’t there earlier.’
‘Something else to apologise about,’ he says. ‘I don’t know what the hell’s got into you lately, Clare, but I don’t like it. I don’t like you.’
‘It’s not me, though! It’s her! Can’t you see what’s she’s doing? She’s putting a wedge between us all.’ I don’t care that I’ve raised my voice. I don’t care if Alice hears.
Mum comes storming out from Alice’s room. She pushes past Luke and stops in front of me. ‘Now, you listen to me, young lady.’ If it wasn’t for the rage on her face, I’d probably find Mum calling me ‘young lady’ funny. It’s what she used to say when I was about ten years old. ‘Your sister is sobbing her heart out in there because of you. I never thought I’d say it, but you make me ashamed, Clare Tennison. Ashamed of you. How dare you behave like this to your sister? She’s talking about leaving now, going back to America and never coming back.’ Mum’s voice catches in her throat. She’s fighting back the emotion. ‘And if she does, I’ll never forgive you. Do you hear me? Never.’
Mum has gone out of the room before I can even respond. Her last words have struck my heart like a spear. I look to Luke in my stunned stupor.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, he would have held me in his arms and somehow absorbed any pain, but today he stands still, cold, statuesque. How has it all come to this in such a short space of time? How have I become the outcast of the family?
‘Clare what’s happening to you?’ he says, taking a step closer to me. The anger has gone from his voice. ‘I’m worried about you. It’s like you’re falling apart in front of my eyes, but you won’t let me help you.’
‘Can’t you see what’s happening?’ I ask. ‘Can’t you see what Alice is doing to us?’
‘She’s trying to find her feet back in her family. I thought this was what you wanted. It’s obviously difficult for you to have to share your life with her again, especially as you’ve had us all to yourself up until now, but you’ve got to get over this jealousy thing. It’s like you’re constantly analysing Alice, watching her every move and reading far more into it than what’s there. You’ve got to stop it and get a grip of yourself, Babe. It’s not a good place to be when you’re like this.’
‘You’re not listening to me,’ I snap. ‘No one is. You’re all taken in by her.’
I push past him and flee down the stairs. I grab my bag and car keys, the McMillan file still in my hand. I jump in the car, throwing the file and my handbag on the passenger seat and floor it out of the driveway, the wheels spinning on the gravel as I do.
At first I don’t know where I’m driving, I just know I want to get as far away from the house as possible and the people I love who are hurting me. I start to think of Luke’s reaction. He didn’t even try to defend me or to see things from my point of view. I can understand Mum’s reaction, to a certain extent. She doesn’t want to think badly of her daughter. She has been on a lifetime’s guilt trip, thinking about how she let Alice go, and now Alice is back she feels she needs to make it up to her. The love she has been harbouring all these years has to come out somewhere. I get that. She loves Alice. But Luke, why does he feel that? It’s almost as if he is putting Alice before me.
Suddenly the image of Alice and Luke standing on the seafront rushes to the fore of my mind, swiftly followed by them laughing as they came off the i360, the portrait, them together alone in the studio, Alice in her oversized T-shirt, Luke admiring her legs. The exchange of looks I’ve caught between them. It all comes rushing, crashing, thumping into my mind. The bastard! He’s fucking her!
I should be crying. I should be heartbroken, but I’m too angry to feel all that. I’m way past angry, I’m furious. Livid. Incandescent. I’m muttering all sorts of curses at Luke as I drive. All this time I’ve supported him and his fucking art and this is how he repays me. He’s shagging my sister! I thump the steering wheel. Rage settling within me.