Hannah seems happy with the compromise. I know she likes to have some time alone with me, just as much as I do with her. ‘Okay, look this is the octopus. Chloe called it an octa-poos!’
‘I know, she just said it to me now.’ I laugh with Hannah as we look at the camera. She clicks the button and another image appears. This one is of some sort of eel. ‘Ooh, I don’t like that. It looks like a snake.’ She clicks again. An image, this time of Luke, appears. He’s holding Chloe in his arms and they’re looking into a tank. ‘That’s a nice one,’ I say, although it’s a little dark in there and the flash has reflected off the glass of the tank. Hannah flicks through a couple more photos without stopping, but as she does, one image catches my eye. Something in it is different and stands out from the others. ‘Go back a minute,’ I say. Hannah clicks back. ‘And again.’ She clicks back a further frame. And there it is. A pain spikes at my heart as the two faces look back at me. I look up at Alice. There’s a small, smug look on her face. No one sees it. They’re too busy looking at me.
‘Alice went too.’ My voice is tight and I can feel my breathing deepen. Alice went too and no one thought to tell me!
‘So did your mum,’ says Luke. He gives me the eyes, which are clearly saying keep your shit together.
‘But you hate the Sea Life Centre,’ I say, turning to Mum. ‘You always say it’s too dark and dingy, that it makes you feel claustrophobic.’
‘I didn’t actually go into the centre myself,’ says Mum. ‘I let Alice and Luke take the girls in. I had a coffee in one of the tearooms across the road. They do lovely scones in there.’
’Here’s a picture of a shark,’ says Hannah. I can see her look uncertainly from me to Luke and I’m aware that she has picked up on the change in atmosphere. I wonder if Mum has too or whether she’s purposefully ignoring it and rattling on about how nice the sodding scone was, to defuse the situation, but all I can think of is Luke and Alice playing happy families, Alice taking my place and Luke seemingly content for her to do so.
‘You don’t mind do you, Clare?’ says Alice. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘Will you stop asking me if I mind and stop apologising?’ I push my chair back, astonishing myself at my little outburst as much as I seem to have taken everyone else by surprise.
‘Clare! What’s got into you?’ says Mum, her voice taking on the tone she would use to one of the children when they might have forgotten to say please or thank you, or like the time Hannah said ‘shit’ once when she dropped a glass of water on the kitchen floor. Her tone that says she is particularly shocked; that’s the one I’m getting now.
I rest my hands on the table and close my eyes for a moment. This is all getting out of hand. I’m getting out of hand. I open my eyes and smile at my family. ‘Sorry. I’m sorry, everyone. Alice, please, I didn’t mean to snap like that.’
‘Hey, it’s okay,’ says Alice. She exchanges a sympathetic look with Luke, which causes me to take a deep breath to stop my jealousy once again rising to the surface uncontrolled.
‘I’ve had a tough day,’ I say, by way of an explanation. It’s a pretty poor one, but it’s the truth. ‘I’ll go and freshen up, I think. Get out of these work clothes and then I’ll be able to relax properly.’ I notice Luke hasn’t said anything. I meet his gaze and he raises his eyebrows, giving a tiny shake of his head. He has the look of exasperation. I know my husband well enough to realise I’ve upset him properly now. Luke is very easy-going; it takes a lot for him to get cross. I think I may have just pushed him over that line.
When I go back down, Luke has disappeared into his studio; a sure sign he’s pissed off with me. I find the girls in the living room, sitting on the sofa with Alice. Chloe is one side of her and Hannah the other. I make a Herculean effort to ignore the bubble of jealousy that stirs once again. ‘What are we watching?’ I say, sitting down on the chair next to the sofa. Chloe mumbles a reply but doesn’t take her eyes from the screen.
Something makes me look over at the photographs on the sideboard. Straight away, I notice the glass in my wedding photograph is cracked.
‘Oh, no! How did that happen?’ I jump up out of my seat. I inspect the shattered glass. There’s an impact spot right in the middle and the glass has cracked like a spider’s web all around it.
‘What’s up?’ asks Alice. She comes over and looks at the picture. ‘Oh, Clare, that’s your wedding photo.’
‘Do you know how it happened?’ I look accusingly at Alice and then around at the girls. ‘Hannah. Chloe. Do you know anything about this?’
‘Picture broken. Poor picture’ says Chloe and turns back to her programme.
Hannah keeps her eyes firmly fixed on the TV. ‘Hannah, did you hear me?’ When she looks up, I’m not sure what I see. Is it fear? Or is it guilt? ‘Do you know how this picture got broken?’ She shakes her head. I go over to her. ‘Look, I’m not cross about the glass getting broken, it’s the fact that no one is owning up. If you tell me the truth, it can all be forgotten about.’