I shake Luke’s hand from me and I’m at the door, pushing it open. A male nurse is performing CPR on Martha. She’s lying on the floor, a white cotton sheet beside her. It’s been made into a noose.
I scream out her name. A male nurse spins round and is bundling me out of the door into Luke’s arms. ‘You can’t come in,’ he’s saying. ‘Stay out!’ The door slams shut and Luke catches me as my knees buckle from under me. There are some visitor seats in a small communal area by the nurses’ station. Luke takes me over and sits me down.
‘She’s tried to hang herself,’ I say in disbelief. ‘Why?’
Of all the things I thought she was capable of, suicide was not one of them. I thought Martha was the sort of person who always looked out for herself, without much care for anyone else, no compassion and no remorse. It looks as though I got that wrong.
Chapter 31
It took the American authorities nearly a week to find Alice, and then another four days to confirm her identity through DNA testing. The grave, as the officer referred to the shallow trough in the ground where Alice was found, was in the middle of a particularly dense part of the area, several metres away from the trail. Walkers, tourists, horse riders and beach-goers had all passed within a stone’s throw of Alice, but not one had noticed her. It makes me sad and guilty that I was so close to her and never knew it.
So, now I am back in Florida again with Luke, Mum and Leonard to give Alice a proper burial.
We had thought about bringing Alice’s body home to England but in the end had decided that, much as it pained us, America was her home and, no matter what we thought about Patrick Kennedy, he was Alice’s father and it was only fitting that she should be buried next to him.
Leonard’s relationship with Mum is out in the open now. I really don’t know why they didn’t tell me in the first place. I wouldn’t have minded. I’m gradually coming to terms with the idea that Leonard is my father. It feels quite surreal when I think too hard about it, so I let the notion wash over me from time to time and I try not to question it too much. It’s difficult – it’s not in my nature to let things go, but I’m trying to take a new approach to things. I’m trying for a more Luke-like approach to life. It’s hard to break old habits, but I’m starting to let go, I’ve even cut down my working hours to three days a week now.
Leonard has taken on a new assistant and the business is just Carr & Tennison, Solicitors.
Luke is also making some changes. At the beginning of the next academic term, he’s going to be teaching evening classes – art, of course. He says he wants to make a more regular financial contribution to the family. I like the new balance we have and the girls, Hannah in particular, are always so excited when it’s my turn to take them to school and nursery. I’m sure the novelty will wear off soon for them, but for now I’m making the most of it. I’ve even taken up an invite of coffee with one of the other mums, who Pippa introduced me to. Mine and Pippa’s friendship is back on track after our little blip and I value her company more than ever now.
It’s an unusually chilly day in Florida and I look down at the coffin as the pastor says some words of comfort. Mum stands next to me and I hear her crying softly. I wish I could take away her pain.
Roma and Nathaniel have come to pay their respects. I was worried how Mum and Roma would be in each other’s company, but all my fears were unfounded. They were united in grief for a young woman who was a daughter to them both. They spent some time together yesterday, talking about Alice. Roma was so good sharing her memories of Alice with Mum and although I know it pained Mum at times, I’m certain it has brought her some comfort and will continue to do so in the future. Roma gave Mum some family video footage of Alice taken over the years and an envelope with some more photographs in to replace the ones I had lost, which I now think Tom took from my car immediately after the accident.
‘Thank you so much for coming,’ I say to Roma before she leaves. ‘And for taking the time to speak to Mum yesterday. It means a lot.’
Roma hugs me. ‘You remind me of Alice,’ she says, looking at me. ‘Not just in your looks, but in your nature too. Alice would have been so proud to have you as her sister. She loved you very much.’
I choke back the tears. ‘Thank you. And I always loved her too.’
I return to the car with Luke, leaving Mum and Leonard to follow in their own time.
‘You okay?’ asks Luke, putting his arm around me.
I rest my head on his shoulder. ‘Yeah. I will be.’ I look out the window of the car at the newly dug grave where Alice is buried. How I wish it could have been different. I remember when Alice first got in touch with us and I questioned whether I had ever actually missed her. I still don’t know if I did, but I know with an unflinching certainty that I miss her now and will do for the rest of my life.
The door to the car opens and I look round as Mum and Leonard climb in. Luke asks the driver to take us back to the hotel.