I go to walk away, to call his bluff, but he grabs me, pinching my broken arm at the top, which makes me squeal in pain. ‘You’re hurting me.’
‘Not as much as you’ve hurt me.’ He releases his grip a fraction. ‘Why you stay with Luke, I don’t know. He’s a freeloader. Sponging off you while he ponces around painting fucking pictures. What sort of job is that? You deserve better than him. He can’t be trusted. I showed you that photo of him and Martha. What more do I have to do?’
‘I don’t care. I love him. I don’t love you.’ And it’s true. Whatever has happened between Luke and Martha pales into insignificance after everything else that has happened. I love my husband and we’re strong enough to sort things out. I won’t let my family be broken, not without putting up a fight.
‘How can you say that? He’s treated you like shit recently.’
‘He’s my husband. He’s the father of my children. I love him.’
Tom throws his head back and lets out a wild laugh, which catches on the wind and bounces off the kiosks and windbreaks behind us. Tom eventually quells his laughter and looks at me. The smile on his face has no warmth to it. ‘He’s the father of your children and that makes what he’s done all right?’
‘Yes. Yes, it does,’ I say defiantly.
‘Oh dear, Clare, it looks like it’s going to have to be Plan B,’ says Tom. He cocks his head to one side and looks at me with pity. ‘Remember that day, not long after we had graduated and I came over to see you. Your mum told me you were upset about not being able to find Alice?’
I think back. ‘Vaguely.’
‘We went to The Crow’s Nest for a drink?’
I do remember it now. I’d had quite a lot to drink, as it happened. It had taken me a couple of days to get over it. I think I’d almost given myself alcohol poisoning. Mum had been furious that I’d got myself into such a state. Later that week, when it was Nadine’s birthday, I had still felt hungover and we’d gone to the pub with a load of other friends and that was the night I bumped into Luke. It was the first time I’d seen him in years. I wasn’t drinking that night and Luke was the designated driver with his mates, so we spent the night chatting and consoling each other about having to be sober with a load of drunk friends.
‘Yes, I remember,’ I say to Tom.
‘And you know that dream we always joke about, the one where you were in a Playboy photoshoot?’
I can feel the world around me grinding to a halt. The lights dim and the music of the funfair all but disappears. ‘Yes,’ I say.
Tom takes his phone from his pocket and taps at the screen. A picture appears and he turns it so I can see it properly.
Chapter 30
I gasp at what I see on the phone. I try to snatch it from Tom’s hand, but he pulls it away too quickly. Over Tom’s shoulder I see a figure hurrying along the boardwalk towards us. I can’t see clearly who it is, but it looks familiar. I think it’s Leonard. I can’t let Leonard see what Tom has on his phone.
Tom is distracted and turns to see what I’m looking at. I seize the moment. In one fluid movement I take a step closer to him and knee him right in the balls. He yells in pain, doubles up, clutching his groin. I grab his mobile with my one good hand and wrestle it from his grasp. I stagger back and shove the phone into my trouser pocket.
Tom isn’t deterred by my attack and, fuelled by what’s at stake, he lunges for me, pushing me against the iron bar. The bar is pressing against my spine and the weight of Tom’s body against me is making it hard to breathe. I try to lift my knee to once again make contact with his groin, but I can’t. Tom pushes harder against me and I feel my feet losing contact with the ground.
He’s shouting at me to give him the phone. He’s holding my right arm with one hand, while using his other to try to find which pocket I’ve put the phone in. As his weight transfers slightly to the right, I try to squirm away to the left, but he forces me back. My feet come completely off the ground and I tip even further backwards. I can hear running feet and Leonard shouting. Shards of rain pummel my face and I feel myself slipping. The centre of gravity shifts and the night sky above me slides away.
Tom is still on top of me as I feel my body roll over the railing. I can see the dark water below, the white tips of the waves crashing over and roaring as they slam into the rushing water beneath. It takes forever to fall. At some point I lose contact with Tom. His hand slips from my wrist.