“Promise she won’t tell her brother what?” asked Julian, appearing behind our seat suddenly, and I jumped as he leaned between us, planting a quick kiss on his sister’s cheek and then a quick kiss on mine.
“Nothing,” I said, the moment lost, pulling away from him and feeling my heart rate elevating dramatically within my chest.
“No, go on, tell me!”
“Just that I’m going to miss you when you’re gone, that’s all.”
“Well, I should think so too! Best friends are hard to come by, after all. Now, who’s for another drink?”
Alice raised her empty glass at him and he scampered off back to the bar as I looked down at my shoes.
“So?” she asked. “What was it?”
“What was what?”
“You were about to tell me something.”
I shook my head. Another time, maybe. “It was what I said,” I told her. “That I’ll miss him, that’s all.”
“Well, what’s so scandalous about that? I was hoping for something far more juicy.”
“Sorry,” I said with a shrug. “I suppose it’s not the sort of thing men generally say about their friends, is it? We’re supposed to be stoical and keep our feelings to ourselves.”
“Who says so?”
“Everyone,” I told her.
A few days later, after Julian had departed for South America, I was at home one evening when the telephone rang.
“Cyril Avery,” I said when I lifted the receiver.
“Oh good,” said a voice. A female voice. “I was hoping I had the right number.”
I frowned. “Who’s this?” I asked.
“It’s the voice of your conscience. You and I need to have a little talk. You’ve been a very bad boy, haven’t you?”
I said nothing but pulled the receiver away from my ear for a moment and stared at it in bewilderment before slowly bringing it back. “Who is this?” I repeated.
“It’s me, silly. Alice. Alice Woodbead.”
I hesitated for a moment, uncertain why on earth she was calling me.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, panicking slightly. “It’s not Julian, is it? He’s all right, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he’s fine. Why shouldn’t he be?”
“No reason. I’m just surprised to hear from you, that’s all.”
“You mean you weren’t waiting by the phone for me to call?”
“No. Why, should I have been?”
“You really know how to flatter a girl, don’t you?”
My mouth opened and shut a few times. “Sorry,” I said. “That came out wrong.”
“I’m starting to feel a little foolish now.”
“No, no,” I said quickly, aware that I was behaving quite rudely. “I’m sorry. You caught me unawares.”
“Why, what were you doing?”
Not much, just sitting around flicking through some pornography and wondering whether I had time for a quick wank before dinner, would have been the truthful answer.
“I was reading Crime and Punishment,” I said.
“Never read it. Always meant to. Any good?”
“It’s OK. There isn’t a lot of crime but rather a lot of punishment.”
“Story of my life. Look, Cyril, say no if you want to—”
“No,” I said.
“What?”
“You told me to say no if I wanted to.”
“Yes, but let me ask the question first. Good God, you don’t make this easy on a girl, do you?”
“Sorry. What did you want to ask?”
“I wondered…” She trailed off and coughed for a moment, and for the first time she began to sound less confident. “Well, I wondered whether you might like to join me for dinner some evening?”
“Dinner?” I asked.
“Yes. Dinner. You do eat, don’t you?”
“I do,” I said. “I have to. Otherwise I get hungry.”
She paused. “Are you teasing me?”
“No,” I said. “I’m just not used to this, that’s all. So I’m probably saying stupid things.”
“I don’t mind. I say stupid things all the time. So we’ve established that you eat to fend off the hunger pangs. Would you care to eat with me? This weekend perhaps?”
“Just the two of us?”
“And the other people in the restaurant. I won’t be cooking for you; I’m not that domesticated. But we don’t have to talk to any of the other people there unless we run out of things to say.”
I thought about it. “I suppose we could do that,” I said.
“I think I need to sit down,” she replied. “Your enthusiasm is overwhelming me.”
“Sorry,” I said again, laughing now. “Yes. Dinner. You and me. And a restaurant. This weekend. That sounds good.”
“Excellent. I’m going to pretend that wasn’t like pulling teeth and look forward to it. I’ll drop you a line before Saturday with a time and place. All right?”
“All right.”
“Goodbye, Cyril.”
“Goodbye, Alice.”
I hung up and looked around, uncertain how I was supposed to feel. Was this a date? Was she asking me out on a date? Were women even allowed to ask men out on dates? I shook my head and went back to my room. I didn’t feel like a wank anymore. And I didn’t feel like dinner either.
A few days later, however, I found myself sitting opposite Julian’s sister in a restaurant talking about something inconsequential and she reached across, placed her hand atop mine and looked me directly in the eye.
“Can I just get something out in the open, Cyril?” she said, the scent of her lavender perfume a pleasant note in the air.
“Of course,” I said, nervous about what she might be about to say.
“The thing is, I felt a strong connection with you at Julian’s going-away party and hoped that you might call. Actually, I always liked you whenever we met in the past, but of course I was with Fergus then. But of course you didn’t call, so I called you instead. I’m shameless, I know. Anyway, I don’t know whether you’re seeing anyone or not, I assume not or you probably wouldn’t have agreed to come out tonight, but if you are, or if you’re not interested in me in the slightest, could you just let me know, because I don’t want any misunderstandings between us. Not after everything I’ve been through. I quite like you, you see.”
I looked down at the plate before me, breathing deeply in and out. I knew immediately that this would be one of the defining moments of my life. I could tell her the truth, as I had intended the previous week, confide my secrets in her and ask for her friendship. If I did so, there was a good chance that she would be a better friend to me than her brother had ever been. But at that moment, lacking the courage to be honest, I simply didn’t feel ready. A few dates wouldn’t hurt anyone. I enjoyed her company. It wasn’t as if were getting married or anything.
“No, I’m not seeing anyone,” I told her, looking up and smiling, despite myself. “And of course I’m interested in you. What normal man wouldn’t be?”
Eight Words