The kiss was chaste for only a second, before Fox gathered her in his arms and deepened it, Inessa returning the kiss with the same fervor.
Gross. Please don’t make me watch this. Already I was embarrassed, trying to pull my thoughts back again, but this time, Fox helped me snap free.
I think it’s about time you left, Tea.
I fled his mind, knowing I also had a matter to resolve.
? ? ?
I found him in the gardens, the night air cool against my cheeks. We paused to savor the crisp breeze, neither of us speaking for the longest time. Kalen’s heartsglass swung, and I saw the reason for his hesitation in its silvery depths. But I didn’t want to prolong the silence. I was desperate to clear the air about Odalia, about Lake Kaal, about the dance.
“Kalen. About the compulsion…”
“I’m not holding that against you anymore, Tea.”
“But I have to explain myself!” I blurted before I could change my mind. “I was frightened.”
“Frightened?”
“Because I was selfish.” He looked surprised. I pushed on. “I wasn’t frightened about leaving Prince Kance in Odalia. But I was when you said you were staying.”
“I don’t understand.” Yet I saw glimmers of hope in his heartsglass belying the words, and I plucked up the last of my courage.
“You know how I feel—what I thought I felt—for the prince. But staying with him never crossed my mind. I could argue that I knew he would be cared for, that he wouldn’t be harmed. But that’s not completely true. I should have been as worried as you were.”
“You knew you had no choice—”
“But I gave in so easily, without putting up a fight. When you said you were staying…” I swallowed, my eyes straying to the floor. Tonight was a night for confessions. Perhaps my brother’s resolve was influencing me through our bond, giving me more backbone to do the same.
“The thought of you in Odalia, alone, scared me so much that I did what I’d sworn I’d never do. I shouldn’t have forced you to come. It was cowardly of me, even if I thought I had the best intentions.”
“Cowardice has never been one of your vices, Tea. You killed a man for me. I wouldn’t have asked that of anyone.”
I had to smile, still not meeting his gaze. “What I did to you felt worse. That doesn’t say much about me.”
“Did you know what I thought the day you made me the offer to share heartsglass? When you said you’d do anything I wanted?”
“Are you going to throw that in my face again?”
“I couldn’t accept your offer. The last thing I wanted was to force you to kiss me.”
My stare flew to his, disbelieving.
“I’ve been in love with you,” he said quietly, “since we fought the azi by the lake.”
It sounded like an accusation as much as it was a confession, but for a man like Kalen, maybe they were one and the same. His words worked the way runes did, kicking up a whirlwind of emotions around me: trepidation, shock, happiness.
He loves me. But he looked so unguarded and open, like he was preparing himself for a rejection he knew was coming, and I wanted to weep and laugh all at once. I wished he could see himself the way I saw him: strength and familiarity and warmth in a dark cloak, brown eyes as steady and as comforting as the dawn. He loves me. “You never said anything.”
“Your life was problematic enough without involving me in it.” He sounded gruff. “And I thought your affections were engaged elsewhere.”
“They’re not. Not like this.”
“Tea.” His voice was so soft and low, I almost couldn’t make out his words. “Are you still in love with Kance?”
“Why?” I had to hear him say it so there wouldn’t be any more now we’re almost even’s and you bumbass’s between us.
“Because if you are in love with him and if he stops being an idiot about it, then I can protect you both without any regrets.”
“And if I’m not?”
“Are you, Tea?”
I wet my dry lips. “No.”
There was no time for anything else but Kalen’s mouth descending on mine, his hands cupping my face, his lips and tongue going straight to my head like wine. I matched him kiss for dizzying kiss, giving back every thought and word and heart, happier than I had ever known. I felt the flicker of Heartshare still around us, a rune I’d offered and forgotten, not wanting to dissolve even this meager connection.
It didn’t matter who saw; there was only me and Kalen underneath the moonlight and the wind spinning around us.
“I can’t court you the way Kance would have,” he said much later, still adorably unsure despite all we’d shared between us. “I have no head for poetry and no patience for rituals. I can’t worship you with words or song; I never know the right ones to sing.”
“I don’t need worship.”
“Yes, you do. With my hands.” His arms tightened around me. “With my mouth.” His lips pressed against the side of my jaw, kissed me again before I could protest that he was wrong because he’d always had the right words. Then he slid down to his knees.
“Kalen,” I panted, as he pushed the hem of my dress to one side, high enough to reveal my leg. “Kalen, what are you—”
He pressed his mouth against the scar on my thigh, that ugly, jagged line of raised flesh that deserved no affection, least of all from him. The azi was my weapon, but it had also killed fellow Deathseekers and injured his friends.
“Kalen.” The words came out as a sob. “Please.”
“With my heart,” he murmured against my bare skin. “You better be damn sure, Tea. The last thing I want to be is a consolation prize. But if you want this, then to hell with Kance and everyone else because then you’re mine.” His eyes darkened. “And I’m yours.”
“I have never been so sure of anything in my life.” It was my turn to take the initiative, grabbing him by his shirt and tugging him up to me. It felt so wonderful and strange to know you are your own person but begin to understand how you could also belong wholeheartedly to someone else. “Show me how to worship you.”
Tea!
I groaned. “Oh no.”
Kalen stilled immediately, questioning.
“No, not you.” I latched on to him again. I think I’m owed some privacy, Fox. You have the worst—
There’s an Odalian army at the gates of Santiang!
What?
There are ships on the horizon—at least fifty that I can see. War has come to Daanoris, and we’re right smack in the middle of it all over again!
“I’m done,” the Heartforger said wearily, leaning back. The five slivers of forged urvan lay on the table, glittering. “Here are the replicated souls of the Five Great Heroes.”
The Dark asha ran her hands through the urvan and then the heartsglass before enveloping the startled Heartforger in a hug. “You saved me, Khalad,” she whispered. “In the coming days and weeks, no matter what other people shall say about me, remember only this: you saved me, and you saved us all.”
The Heartforger smiled sadly and hugged her tighter. “Is there really no other way, Tea?”
“There is none.” She looked back at her lover, and the air changed. She no longer smiled, and her mouth grew pinched, like she was about to do something neither of them wanted. “Kalen, bring him in. Make sure the princess is not here to see—it will not be a pleasant memory to remember His Majesty by.”
25
It was an hour before the wedding. The tension and worry I knew the day would bring, coupled by Kalen’s kiss the night before, had made rest almost impossible. I was wide awake, adrenaline coursing through my body. Kalen and Fox kept a close watch on the approaching army; there was nothing else to do but wait and fort up in preparation of a siege.
A history of constant warfare had instilled discipline in the Daanorians—or perhaps they were used to following orders. The emperor called all officials to the throne room, us included, to give a long, sonorous speech that Shadi was quick to translate.