“We have a long day ahead. You need sleep too.”
“And so do you. Most of my duties in Kion may have revolved around entertaining guests and visitors at cha-khana, but I am not some frail flower that must be hidden away at the first gust of wind. It was sweet of you to treat me like a princess back in Kion, where there was little danger and we could indulge. This is different.”
“Shadi, you know I would…” Zoya trailed off, realizing that they now had a rapt audience listening to their conversation with undisguised interest. “Shadi.”
“Are we still hiding us from them?” Shadi challenged her. “Are we still a secret? If there is something you need to tell me, Zoya, then raise your voice and let them hear.”
Zoya cleared her throat—several times. Then she leaned over and kissed Shadi, full on the mouth. “Shadi, my love, you know I would never forgive myself if anything were to happen to you. Surely you can understand my reluctance.”
“Haven’t I proven myself? Haven’t I shown that I am more than capable?”
Zoya gave up. “Shadi, would you like to patrol the palace with me?”
The other asha smiled happily, linking arms with her lover. “It would be my pleasure.”
“You know,” Khalad said mildly as the two left, “I’d always thought it was Zoya who made the first move. I might have been mistaken.”
Kalen stood. “I have to see to rounds myself. With the wedding tomorrow, people are on edge.”
He nodded at the others before taking his leave, glancing back at me as he did. I opened my mouth but couldn’t find the words—didn’t even know what I wanted to say. Not in front of everyone else.
“I should take a look at Fox.” I was feeling antsy, and I wanted to do something more than sit around pretending to sleep.
“Zoya wants you to rest,” Likh reminded me.
“I’m not going to leave the room—not yet anyway.” I tapped the side of my head. “If something needs my attention, shake me.”
“I’m not going to—” I heard Khalad say, aghast, but I was already off.
Emperor Shifang would not be happy to see Fox and Princess Inessa in the same room again, but the princess had never been one to take no for an answer. She was by the window, staring out, while Fox had his back toward the door, watching her watch the city.
“Move away from the window, Princess. You’d make for an easy target.”
“Is that all I am to you, Fox?” Inessa asked, turning her head. “A target? Someone to protect?”
“Move away from the window.”
Inessa obeyed, crossing the room so she stood before my brother, starting stonily up at him. “You’ve stopped talking to me after the fight with the savul,” she said angrily. “You’ve never felt pain before, but seeing you that way…and then you stopped talking to me.”
“That’s a lie.”
“After that fight, you went back to talking to me like you were my subordinate. Not like how it used to be before.”
“Brides shouldn’t talk in this manner,” Fox said quietly, an odd note to his voice. I tried to withdraw, but his emotions pulled me back again.
She unfurled her hands. “You’re doing it. Right now.”
“Enlighten me, Princess. Tell me what am I to expect of someone who, not satisfied with finding herself engaged to a noble from one kingdom, goes ahead and affiances herself to another?”
“Because I’m useless!” The sound bounced off the walls. It was not the answer Fox was expecting. He looked astonished.
“I’m useless,” Princess Inessa repeated in a softer voice. “You can train me to fight, but you will never train me in time to be as competent at the sword as Kalen or Tea or anyone else. I will always require the most saving, the most protection. Do you know how horrible that makes me feel, that I can do nothing?
“All I have to offer is my crown, my perceived value as a princess, a potential bride. I may not have had as much say in my engagement to Kance, Fox, but I certainly do with my obligation to Shifang. I know this betrothal is the only reason we are allowed to remain here in Santiang to find the forger, and I will ensure that this betrothal allows us to remain here long enough to heal Kance’s heartsglass and help the poor Daanorian princess. And if I have to wed the emperor on the morrow for us to do that, then I will.”
“But I don’t want you to!” Fox moved. Now it was the princess against the wall, Fox trapping her there with his arms. Something glinted at his collar; Inessa’s eyes gravitated toward it. It was her fox pin that he now wore.
“A thousand times I wanted to shout it to the world,” my brother said through gritted teeth, “but a thousand times I kept my peace. Because it wasn’t my place and because I knew my jealousy talked louder than my respect for your royal customs. But your wedding is tomorrow, and I have stayed silent long enough. Don’t do this, Inessa. I’m begging you.”
“Why tell me this now?” Inessa whispered.
Fox’s hand shook. “Because in my arrogance, I never thought you would wed anyone else so willingly. Not Kance and definitely not Shifang. I thought I could wait long enough for you to realize my feelings, when I should have spoken out.”
Trembling, Inessa placed her hand against Fox’s heartsglass. “I remember the first time I asked you about this,” she said quietly.
A muscle ticked in Fox’s jaw, but he said nothing.
“I thought the silver meant you were a Deathseeker-in-training. You laughed and said that being a Deathseeker would have made your life a lot less complicated.” Her fingers traveled past his heartsglass, up his chest and neck, to touch the silver fox pin. “Do you remember what you told me then?”
Fox’s mouth worked. “I asked you to trust me.”
Inessa smiled. “And then, four months later, when I told you I loved you. Do you remember what you said?”
Fox was silent, his head bowed.
“You told me you couldn’t accept my love, that if you couldn’t tell me the reasons for your silver heartsglass—”
“—then I can’t promise you what I know you deserve.”
She wept, and her tears tore at him.
“Inessa.”
She looked up, her beautiful eyes still bright with tears. They widened when she saw what he was holding out to her.
“I can promise you nothing but what I already have.”
Inessa stroked his lower jaw. “You offered me your heartsglass instead.”
“You were right to reject me.” Fox’s voice was hoarse. “I couldn’t promise you anything. I still can’t—not as a familiar. When I learned you were the First Daughter of Kion, I knew you were out of my reach. Familiar-consorts weren’t unheard of in Kion—but Kion empresses and princesses also needed heirs. I was too much of a coward to tell you what I was, knowing it would end what we had.”
“No. I rejected you because I was stupid and because I was terrified. I was raised to believe in those ridiculous storybook romances, where love was meaningless unless it comes without fear, without selfishness. I thought you weren’t willing to fight for me, that you were going to give me a heartsglass that would fade in time, to pacify me for the moment.”
“Silver heartsglass don’t fade, Inessa.”
“I know that now.” She looked back at him fiercely. “Tea told me, back at Lake Strypnyk. I saw you walking with her in the Willows once, you know. I was angry and jealous until they told me she was your sister. I was still angry, but it wasn’t because I was repulsed that you were a familiar. I was angry because you never trusted me enough to tell me.”
Fox lowered his head. “I was afraid of what your answer would be.”
Inessa closed her eyes. “I know that now too. I…can’t guarantee what my mother might think about this, Fox. But at least let us try.” She kissed his neck. “It’s your turn to trust me,” she whispered. “When tomorrow comes, promise that you’ll trust me, Fox.”
His fingers tightened on her hair. “I promise.”