The idea of Cedric and passions running wild was enough to make me momentarily lose track of his ardent explanation.
“And the rest of the Alanzan worship just made sense too,” he continued. “Spirituality without boundaries. All voices heard. Reverence for the natural world. We don’t need to attend lavish services paid for with prayer fees and massive tithes . . . while beggars and others starve outside the cathedrals. It’s not fair for one group to have so much wealth and another so little.”
“I’ve seen your wardrobe choices. You’re no ascetic. And here you are, ironically, doing business with men who are massively wealthy in the New World.”
“But there’s a difference between building wealth through honest business and building it by taking it from those who look to you for hope and spiritual guidance. Don’t you see, Adelaide, the orthodox priests are preaching good will toward all men but actually hoarding—”
“No.” I held up my hand. “Stop now. I can see where you’re going with this. I’ll keep your secrets, but do not try to convert me to your pagan ways.”
He laughed. “Wouldn’t dream of it. But it’s nice to know you draw the line somewhere.”
The house grew closer and closer, and the momentary lightness faded. “I really am sorry if I made things more complicated,” I said softly.
“This was already complicated. Just be careful . . . no one’s safe until you’ve got some wealthy Adorian’s ring on your finger.”
“It’ll be weighted with a diamond,” I told him, earning a return of the smile.
Inside, I was relieved to see that most of the other girls had gone on to their rooms or other tasks, freeing me from a deluge of questions. Or so I thought.
When I got to my room, I found Tamsin and Mira. It was clear they’d been waiting for my return. Tamsin leapt to her feet.
“What have you done?” she cried, echoing Cedric.
“I’m, uh, not sure what you mean.”
“The hell you don’t!” It was a lapse into her former dialect that would’ve scandalized Mistress Masterson. “Has this all been some kind of joke? Coast along and then swoop in at the end to crush everyone else?”
I remembered Cedric’s accusations when I first came here—that I’d treated impersonating Ada as a joke too. Was that how my actions would always be perceived by people? Would I never be taken seriously?
“How did you do that?” continued Tamsin. “How did you score perfectly on everything?”
“I learned a lot of it when I worked in my lady’s house. I was around nobility all the time, and I guess I picked up their ways. You know that.”
Tamsin wasn’t buying it. “Oh yeah? Where were those ways in the last nine months? You’ve botched things continuously—but not always the same things! You run hot and cold, perfect at some things and then failing at the most basic ones. What kind of game are you playing?”
“It’s no game,” I said. “My nerves just got the best of me. Things finally came together during the retakes.”
“Impossible,” she stated. “I don’t understand how or why you’ve been doing this, but I know something’s going on. And if you think you can just ruin my life and—”
“Oh, come on,” I interrupted, switching from defense to offense. “Your life is far from ruined.”
Fury filled her features. “That’s not true. I had it. I was in the top three, and then you came along and pulled that out from under me. You knew how it important it was to me but still went ahead and destroyed everything I’ve worked for.”
I threw up my hands. “Tamsin, enough! I’ve gone along with your theatrics for nine months, but this is going too far. Exactly what in your life has been destroyed? You can converse about current politics, eat a seven-course meal, and play the piano! Maybe you’ll miss out on a few parties, but you’re still going to marry some rich, prestigious man in the New World. You’ve come a long way from being a laundress’s daughter, and if you were my friend, you’d be happy at how far I’ve come too.”
“That’s the thing,” she said. “I can’t tell how far you’ve come. I’ve lived with you all these months but don’t know anything about you. The only thing I’m sure of is that you’ve been lying to us all, and this ‘triumph’ of yours just proves it!”
There was a jumble of emotions in my chest. Anger. Sadness. Frustration. I hated the lies and subterfuge. I wanted to tell Tamsin and Mira about everything. My title. Lionel. Ada. Cedric. Westhaven. Those secrets burned within me, wanting—no, needing—to get out. But I couldn’t let them. The consequences were too great, and so I had to bury them back within me and let that terrible animosity hang in the air.