The Glass Castle

Dad squatted in front of us, one knee to the floor, his arms folded across the other knee, cowboy-style. "So what happened here?" he asked.

"It was self-defense," I piped up. Dad had always said that self-defense was a justifiable reason for shooting someone.

"I see," Dad said.

The policeman told us that some of the neighbors had reported seeing kids shooting guns at each other, and he wanted to know what had happened. We tried to explain that Billy had started it, that we'd been provoked and were defending ourselves and didn't even aim to kill, but the cop wasn't interested in the nuances of the situation. He told Dad that the whole family would need to come down to the courthouse the next morning and see the magistrate. Billy Deel and his dad would be there, too. The magistrate would get to the bottom of the matter and decide what measures needed to be taken.

"Are we going to be sent away?" Brian asked the officer.

"That's up to the magistrate," he said.

That night Mom and Dad spent a long time upstairs talking in low voices while we kids lay in our boxes. Finally, late in the evening, they came down, their faces still grave.

"We're going to Phoenix," Dad said.

"When?" I asked.

"Tonight."

*





Dad allowed each of us to bring only one thing. I ran outside with a paper bag to gather up my favorite rocks. When I returned, holding the heavy bag at the bottom so it wouldn't split, Dad and Brian were arguing over the plastic jack-o'-lantern filled with green plastic army soldiers that Brian wanted to bring.

"You're bringing toys?" Dad asked.

"You said I could take one thing, and this is my thing," Brian said.

"This is my one thing," I said, holding up the bag. Lori, who was bringing The Wizard of Oz, objected, saying that a rock collection wasn't one thing but several things. It would be like her bringing her entire book collection. I pointed out that Brian's army soldiers were a collection. "And anyway, it's not the entire rock collection. Just the best ones."

Dad, who usually liked debates on questions such as whether a bag of things is one thing, was not in the mood and told me the rocks were too heavy. "You can bring one," he said.

"There are plenty of rocks in Phoenix," Mom added.

I picked out a single geode, its insides coated with tiny white crystals, and held it in both hands. As we pulled out, I looked through the rear window for one last glimpse of the depot. Dad had left the upstairs light on, and the small window glowed. I thought of all those other families of miners and prospectors who had come to Battle Mountain hoping to find gold and who had to leave town like us when their luck ran out. Dad said he didn't believe in luck, but I did. We'd had a streak of it in Battle Mountain, and I wished it had held.

We passed the Green Lantern, with the Christmas lights twinkling over its door, and the Owl Club, with the winking neon owl in a chef's hat, and then we were out in the desert, the lights of Battle Mountain disappearing behind us. In the pitch-black night, there was nothing to look at but the road ahead, lit by the car's headlights.



GRANDMA SMITH'S BIG white house had green shutters and was surrounded by eucalyptus trees. Inside were tall French doors and Persian carpets and a huge grand piano that would practically dance when Grandma played her honky-tonk music. Whenever we stayed with Grandma Smith, she brought me into her bedroom and sat me down at the vanity table, which was covered with little pastel-colored bottles of perfumes and powders. While I opened the bottles and sniffed them, she'd try to run her long metal comb through my hair, cursing out of the corner of her mouth because it was so tangled. "Doesn't that goddamn lazy-ass mother of yours ever comb your hair?" she once said. I explained that Mom believed children should be responsible for their own grooming. Grandma told me my hair was too long anyway. She put a bowl on my head, cut off all the hair beneath it, and told me I looked like a flapper.

That was what Grandma used to be. But after she had her two children, Mom and our uncle Jim, she became a teacher because she didn't trust anyone else to educate them. She taught in a one-room schoolhouse in a town called Yampi. Mom hated being the teacher's daughter. She also hated the way her mother constantly corrected her both at home and at school. Grandma Smith had strong opinions about the way things ought to be donehow to dress, how to talk, how to organize your time, how to cook and keep house, how to manage your financesand she and Mom fought each other from the beginning. Mom felt that Grandma Smith nagged and badgered, setting rules and punishments for breaking the rules. It drove Mom crazy, and it was the reason she never set rules for us.

But I loved Grandma Smith. She was a tall, leathery, broad-shouldered woman with green eyes and a strong jaw. She told me I was her favorite grandchild and that I was going to grow up to be something special. I even liked all of her rules. I liked how she woke us up every morning at dawn, shouting, "Rise and shine, everybody!" and insisted we wash our hands and comb our hair before eating breakfast. She made us hot Cream of Wheat with real butter, then oversaw us while we cleared the table and washed the dishes. Afterward, she took us all to buy new clothes, and we'd go to a movie like Mary Poppins.

Now, on the way to Phoenix, I stood up in the back of the car and leaned over the front seat between Mom and Dad. "Are we going to go stay with Grandma?" I asked.

"No," Mom said. She looked out the window, but not at anything in particular. Then she said. "Grandma's dead."

"What?" I asked. I'd heard her, but I was so thrown I felt like I hadn't.

Mom repeated herself, still looking out the window. I glanced back at Lori and Brian, but they were sleeping. Dad was smoking, his eyes on the road. I couldn't believe I'd been sitting there thinking of Grandma Smith, looking forward to eating Cream of Wheat and having her comb my hair and cuss, and all along she'd been dead. I started hitting Mom on the shoulder, hard, and asking why she hadn't told us. Finally, Dad held down my fists with his free hand, the other holding both his cigarette and the steering wheel, and said. "That's enough, Mountain Goat."

Mom seemed surprised that I was so upset.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I asked.

"There didn't seem any point," she said.

"What happened?" Grandma had been only in her sixties, and most people in her family lived until they were about a hundred.

The doctors said she'd died from leukemia, but Mom thought it was radioactive poisoning. The government was always testing nuclear bombs in the desert near the ranch, Mom said. She and Jim used to go out with a Geiger counter and find rocks that ticked. They stored them in the basement and used some to make jewelry for Grandma.

Jeannette Walls's books