‘No!’ a voice shouted, and Cherry turned in shock to see Daniel bursting through the back door. She lost her balance at the same time Laura flung out her arms in desperation, scrabbling at whatever she could touch.
Laura was screaming now. In fact, the screams kept coming from her throat; she was on the ground and had felt the plastic barriers fly away from her; she didn’t want to die; she couldn’t fail; she flung her arms violently around, feeling the weight of Cherry against her, and she shoved; then hands and face in the dirt, she tried to crawl towards the house, still screaming in terror; and then she heard a strange distant thud and Daniel had his arms around her and, sobbing, she clung to him, burying herself into him, her mind blank with terror; like an animal or a small child she was cowering in her son’s lap, terrified that Cherry was still coming, but somehow she didn’t; and as the seconds passed, she began to understand what the sound had been.
EPILOGUE
Thursday 14 January
Laura watched out of the window as the man from the estate agency fixed a for-sale sign outside the front of the house. Not Highsmith & Brown, of course, but there were plenty of other reputable agents who were anxious to deal expertly with the disposal of her home. Neither she nor Howard wanted it after what had happened, and in fact Howard hadn’t even been down to the den – he was just willing to let the removal guys pack everything that belonged to him and transport it to his new home. She’d tried not to watch as his possessions, things that she had lived around for years, were taken to a house in St John’s Wood, one he now shared with Marianne.
A few weeks afterwards, Daniel had moved into his flat, not the one he’d lived in with Cherry but another, without memories. Something he found himself in a cheaper part of town, rented, and this time Howard hadn’t argued. Laura didn’t mind; in fact, she was moving herself, to a mews house, near enough to Daniel for them to meet up regularly, far enough away for them to have their own lives.
It had taken her a while but Laura had eventually plucked up the courage to go down there. As she made her way down in the lift, she couldn’t help thinking of the paramedics who’d come down all those weeks ago to take Cherry away. How she’d looked, what they’d had to do. She’d been dead when they’d got to her. She knew this because Daniel had gone to her straight after the accident, to see if he could help.
Now it had been cleaned, of course, but the image that came to her was not of Cherry lying lifeless on the floor but of her the night of the party, when they’d gone down together, just the two of them, alone, and she got a sense of unease, half expecting to hear her heels across the floor. The glass window had been fixed and Laura looked up, and suddenly feeling trapped, hurried out of there and back up to the house.
The police had interviewed her and Daniel, and also the neighbour who had heard her screams and looked out of the window from two houses down. Daniel was the key witness, as he’d actually seen Cherry fall. He told the police that Cherry had slipped. She’d been trying to cause his mother to fall to her death by running at her; then she’d lost her balance as she’d twisted back round to see him and had fallen herself, crashing into Laura as she did so. Laura had watched him carefully as he’d relayed the course of events in the immediate aftermath and knew that was what he’d seen. His sorrowful report supported what the neighbour had witnessed some distance away from his window. It seemed to be enough for the coroner, who recorded a verdict of accidental death.
No one saw. No one. What a risk . . . It made her tremble to think if it had gone wrong. A moment of madness. Of course, it would almost certainly have been classed as self-defence – Cherry had been trying to kill her, after all. But still, she didn’t say anything; she was too frightened. There had been a moment when their eyes had met – a split second – and something primeval had flared up in her. She could have saved Cherry. Maybe. She’d put out her arm. Made contact. But not to pull her towards safety. It had all been so quick it would have been hard to see unless you were right up close. And no one else was.
She had no recollection of making the decision. That’s what petrified her. That’s what gave her the nightmares. How she’d got to that dark place. Who that person was.
She’d never forget. Maybe, eventually, she’d find a way to live with it.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you to my wonderful agent, Gaia Banks, who set me on the right path and for all the enthusiasm – matched by the equally wonderful Lucy Fawcett. Thank you both for everything you’ve done and continue to do. Thanks also to Joel Gotler, whose words remain indelible in my memory, to Markus Hoffmann, all the co-agents around the world, and also to Melissa Mahi, Alba Arnau and Matthew Goulden.
My deeply felt gratitude to Trisha Jackson for her brilliant insight and making me feel so welcome, and to the team at Pan Macmillan who make everything happen behind the scenes.
A huge thanks also to Alicia Condon and the team at Kensington Books.
Barbara Heinzius, who was there from the start.
Viki Hill, your research help has been invaluable.
My family: Dad, Sally, Mum, Rhys, Neil, Tina, Leila and Brandt. Your support and excitement means everything. Thank you Ettie, for the lessons in golf.
Livi and Clementine, who are so inspiring.
And thank you to my partner, Jonny, my rock-solid supporter and for letting me chew your ear off with my ‘What if?’s.