‘I know you’re ashamed of me,’ said Wendy quietly, ‘but I’m also ashamed of you.’ And she turned away.
Cherry’s eyes blazed. Suddenly she felt like the nobody Croydon girl again. The one whose future was limited, who couldn’t hold down a boyfriend from a better background. She was overwhelmed with emotion and needed to get out. She rushed out of the flat and clattered down the stone steps and into the fresh air. The man with the van had gone and was now making his way to Kensington. Cherry marched, trembling, down the street to Daniel’s Mercedes, arms folded, eyes stinging. How dare she? How dare that fucking Laura Cavendish stick her nose in? Hate poured from her, contaminating the air she breathed in. What the fuck was she doing, coming to see her mother? As if she was a child! She was stifling, suffocating the way she behaved about Daniel. So fucking possessive! It wasn’t fair to control other people’s lives like that, smother other people’s dreams.
Cherry fiercely wiped away her tears with the heel of her hand and clamped her throat shut so no more would come. As she got in the car, her anger set like a hard stone in her chest. So Laura was still intent on breaking them up. She hadn’t listened at all. Cherry raged. Why couldn’t she just fuck off? Disappear? If only some bus would come and knock her over. Some accident or something. That was the thing about accidents – you never saw them coming, but one little slip, one badly timed moment and you were history. Wiped out. The problem no longer existed and no one was to blame. That would be fantastic. She wallowed in the idea for a moment, steeped in resentment and self-pity. But then reality hit. Accidents didn’t just happen when you wanted them to.
Still angry, she drove away sharply, slamming the car into gear. Hands tight on the wheel, she stared hard ahead, cursing anyone who didn’t accelerate quickly enough at a green light, anyone who hesitated at a roundabout. She drove towards the Webb Estate, not quite aware of doing so; then she stopped the car and looked through the mechanical gates, shut fast. Blinding lights came up close behind her and she watched as another car went past, the gates gliding open for them. Without thinking, she put the car into gear and followed in their slipstream. The other vehicle turned off down one of the residential streets and Cherry took the route she remembered, to Nicolas’s. She arrived in Silver Lane, flanked either side by four rows of silver birch trees, and stopped halfway along. There it was, the large, detached eight-bedroomed mansion. She moved the car another few feet so she could see through the trees up to Nicolas’s bedroom and wondered anxiously, hopefully, if she would see him. His arms around his wife, silhouetted in the window. Maybe he’d spot her. Come down. She’d make sure he saw her ring, casually drop Daniel into the conversation. Then suddenly she felt like a complete fool. He’d gone. He and his wife. They’d have their own place now; they were living their own lives. They’d moved on. With a crushing sense of humiliation, Cherry drove away as quickly as she could.
FIFTY-ONE
Friday 6 November
It was 6 a.m. Daniel, fully dressed, looked at Cherry sleeping in their bed, her dark, shiny hair falling across her slightly flushed face. Her arms were outside the duvet, the skin smooth and inviting. He wondered whether to give her a kiss goodbye. They’d had their first row the night before and hadn’t yet made up, not properly. And he still didn’t really know what it was all about.
The evening had started pleasantly enough. While Cherry was at her mum’s flat, Daniel had had a call from his friend Will, delighted to find him not on a shift. Will was looking for someone to celebrate with, as he’d just learned he’d got the promotion. He’d invited himself round and they were waiting for Cherry to come back so they could all go out together. Daniel was aware none of his friends had seen Cherry since just before the accident, and thought that now they were back together, it would be good if they got to know each other a little better. The guys grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge while they were waiting.
‘Got to say, Dan, you’re pretty forgiving. Especially after the way she gave you the elbow,’ said Will, as he popped the top of his bottle.
Daniel remained noncommittal. He didn’t want to incriminate his mother by divulging the whole story so settled on a vague ‘It wasn’t as bad as you think.’
As was the way with men, Will didn’t dwell on the subject long. He clinked his friend’s bottle with his own. ‘Good luck to you,’ he said without malice. ‘What do you fancy doing tonight? We could try out that new Japanese – you know, the one Theo’s friend owns. Cherry like Japanese?’
Daniel didn’t know. The front buzzer went, and answering, he saw on the screen the man with the van already unloading the boxes onto the street ready to carry upstairs. ‘She’ll be back in a minute,’ he said. ‘We’ll ask her.’ The man shifted the boxes up the stairs and into the apartment. He barely said hello and wasn’t interested in a cup of tea. Daniel asked him where Cherry was and if she’d followed him back and he raised his eyebrows.
‘Hope not, mate. She slap you about like she does her old lady?’
Daniel’s mouth dropped, and realizing he’d said too much, the man was in a hurry to leave.
‘Got to get going if that’s all right, mate. You got the cash?’
‘Hold on, what did you mean, “slap about”?’
‘Now, I ain’t getting into no domestic. If you don’t mind, I’ll get paid and be on me way.’ He stuck out his hand stubbornly and Daniel could see he wasn’t going to be drawn further. He paid him his ￡200 and he was gone. He left Daniel with a sense of unease, although he thought that the man must be mistaken somehow. He joined Will in the living room.
‘Everything all right?’
Daniel was quick to smile. ‘All good. So you getting your own office now?’
As he listened to Will talk about his job, he kept an ear out for Cherry’s return. About twenty minutes later, he heard the key in the lock. The living-room door swung open. She looked tense, strained and not pleased to see Will. Daniel jumped up to give her a kiss, which she accepted on her cheek. He turned to indicate their guest.
‘Will’s got the new job.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘You know, risk engineering manager.’
‘You said.’ She took a breath, knew she had to try harder. ‘Congratulations!’
Will raised his bottle. ‘Cheers!’
Daniel put his arm around her. ‘He came over to see if we wanted to go and celebrate with him. Fancy coming out for some dinner?’
‘Um . . . I’ve got a terrible headache, but you two go and celebrate.’
Embarrassed, Will took a swig of his drink. He obviously felt he’d stumbled into some sort of lovers’ tiff.