The Girl Who Dared to Endure (The Girl Who Dared #6)

“I mean, yeah. Brutally so, at times. They told me that they’ve only ever accepted sixty refugees: a small community of survivors who had run out of water and food, and the remnants of a settlement who had barely escaped that skirmish in the south... Anyway, I’m supposed to get a briefing soon, which is supposed to explain what the next few days will hold for us. I’m trying to get them to accelerate the process. I think it’s helped that the files are digitized. I get the feeling that the other civilizations aren’t as advanced as us—but it takes time. And I’m apparently meeting with Thomas and Melissa’s mother, and she’s their head of internal security, which I am guessing is code for being in charge of all the spies, so no pressure on that front.”

A spy? That meant she was good at interrogating people. My brother needed to be careful about what he said. I knew he knew that, but I said, “Be careful,” anyway.

“I will be, don’t worry. Anyway, what’s going on with you? Is Eric okay?”

“He’s fine,” I told him. “Already up and trying to help out.”

He chuckled. “That must be driving Zoe crazy.”

“It is,” I replied. Then I sighed. “They’re all really excited about getting away from here.”

There was a pause that made me nervous for a handful of seconds, as I wondered if we had lost the connection. Then he said, “You sound like you’re not.”

I bit my lip, glad he couldn’t see my face. “I’m not… without excitement. I just… feel weird about leaving things unfinished.” I swallowed, worried that my brother would pick up on the fact that I wasn’t actually planning to leave, but before I could embellish my answer, he said tersely, “That sounds like you’re planning on staying. Which is madness.”

Sadness gripped me, then, and I realized that no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to get my brother to agree that fighting for the Tower was the right move. He had already abandoned it in his mind, back when he agreed to go in the first place.

Well, he might not agree, but I didn’t care anymore. I would let him know I was staying and let him know why.

“I’m not crazy, Alex,” I told him. “I just care about what happens to the people who have no idea that the Tower is on the verge of falling apart. I’m a councilor—the Champion. I owe the Tower more than just leaving them to rot. Mom found out that Scipio was broken and wanted to help me save him, and if I don’t stop the people who killed her, then all of this will have been for nothing.”

It took him a few moments to get it, but when it finally sank in, his response was what I’d expected. “Liana, she gave her life saving Dad, and you and I both know that he didn’t believe you. Her death was stupid. It didn’t achieve anything monumental, and running around the Tower trying to avenge her isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You’re one to talk,” I snapped back, rankled by the way he could just dismiss her death like that. “You went insane where Baldy was concerned. You beat him, for crying out loud. Don’t tell me you were unaffected by her death when you were clearly looking for someone to punish.”

Silence again, followed by, “You’re right. I was. Which was why I needed to get out of the Tower. Don’t you see that living like that is poisoning us? I killed him, Liana, and I was happy he was dead. If that’s not sick, I don’t know what is. And yeah, maybe I don’t want to fight for the Tower, but for good reason. It’s impossible! The legacies are everywhere and can literally change their faces! They’ve been attacking Scipio for years! Do you think you’re the only one who has ever gotten this close to the truth? Do you think they would hesitate to kill you and everyone with you the instant they learned that you were drawing close? Dammit, Liana, there is no one there who can protect you! Scipio is damaged beyond belief and can’t be fixed!”

“You don’t know that,” I retorted hotly. “And by digging, I’ve managed to find some of his missing pieces.” I paused and realized that we were talking about Scipio on the open airwaves, and that the Patrians could be monitoring his call. “We shouldn’t be talking about this. I’ve made my decision, but I want you to keep working on getting the others over there. They want to leave.”

“You’re really serious,” he said. “Liana, don’t throw your life away on that place. You don’t have to! We have another choice.”

I smiled bitterly and looked at the stars. “I realize that. And this is what I’ve chosen.”

“So basically, you’re saying that if I negotiate this deal to include you, it won’t matter because we won’t ever see each other again, save for when Thomas and Melissa bring me back to rescue everyone else, but you?”

I hesitated. “You don’t know that. I might be able to get the Tower back on track and Scipio restored. We can bring the matter to the new council, and who knows, maybe start diplomatic relationships. If there’s a war to the south, now is a time for making allies.”

“Or you could die, which would mean I won’t ever see you again,” he said hotly. “Dammit, can’t you just stop being brave for once in your life? Can’t you put yourself before complete and total strangers? I don’t want to be here alone.”

His anger had evaporated in the middle of his line of questioning, turning into a desolate sadness. My heart ached, and I knew he was coming from a place of love. But that didn’t mean a damn thing if I couldn’t love myself—and if I abandoned the Tower, I would absolutely loathe myself. “I’m sorry, Alex,” I said, trying not to cry. “But I can’t do it. I wish I could. I wish I was a different person. But I’m not. I have to stay and fight—it’s who I am.”

I waited for his response for what felt like eternity, holding back my tears. I wasn’t sure what I expected from him, but I knew what I feared the most: his anger and hatred. I didn’t want to lose my brother. If anything, I wanted him to get his head right and come back to help. But I had just told him I prioritized other people over him, and there was no predicting how he would react.

“I see.” A pause, just long enough for me to perceive absolutely nothing about his emotional state from his tone, followed by, “I should go. I have an early start in the morning.”

“Alex…” I trailed off, searching for something to say, but I wasn’t even sure what I could say. He didn’t sound angry, or sad, or upset, or… like anything at all. Just very matter-of-fact. After several long seconds, I whispered, “You know I love you, right?”

“I know. But I need time to think about this. I mean, you should’ve told me you didn’t plan to leave. I might’ve changed my mind about coming here! And now I have to come back and help you!”

I gaped at the box in my hand, and then frowned. He had a point, but that last part caught me off guard, and I needed a moment to think. “I’m sorry,” I said. “But there wasn’t exactly time. And…” I sighed, trying to formulate my feelings about him coming back, but could only conjure up uncertainty. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea that you come back here. Alex, I don’t know why your rank dropped like that after Baldy, but I do know something inside of you broke. The instant I mentioned leaving, you wanted to go! I think… I think that’s because you can’t handle it here, and that’s okay.”

“Are you saying you don’t want me to come back and help you?” he practically snarled, and I sighed. That wasn’t at all what I meant.

“No,” I replied carefully. “I’m saying that I don’t think you want to.”

“You’re my sister! I want to be with you.”

“You can want to be with me and still want to be away from the Tower,” I told him. “Those two things can both be true, Alex. But I also can’t handle the idea of you coming back to fight for something that you hate, just for me. If you died or something happened to you, I would never forgive myself.”

“That’s not fair. Just because I don’t think it can be saved doesn’t mean…” He trailed off from his biting comment, and then gave a heaving sigh. “I’m sorry. Like I said, I should go. I have to think about this.”

I hesitated. My instinct was to press on, to insist that I was right and he needed to stay there. But I had to respect his desire for time. Hell, I wanted time. It was best to just let it go. For now.

“Okay, Alex,” I finally said. “I’ll contact you tomorrow night, okay?”

“Okay. Talk to you later. Be careful, Liana.”