The Girl Who Dared to Endure (The Girl Who Dared #6)

“Hey.” His breath was soft against my neck, and I froze for several horrifying heartbeats before turning my head a fraction of an inch to meet his gaze. I had wanted to be gone before he woke up.

His eyes were bleary and slightly unfocused, but directed fully at my face, and he wore a lopsided smile that confused me. This was different from the icy demeanor he’d been showing me before. Now he seemed warm… and affectionate. I considered the juxtaposition for several heartbeats and came to two conclusions: either Leo had reconsidered what he said earlier, or Grey was now in control. And as much as I wanted it to be the former, the more I peered into those warm brown eyes, the more I realized that this was Grey, not Leo.

“Hey, Grey,” I said haltingly, gently pulling myself into a sitting position, using the pretense of draping the blanket over him to carve out some distance between us. I wasn’t prepared for this little scenario and wasn’t entirely sure how to react. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” he said weakly. “But I’m glad I woke up. I wanted to talk to you.”

I paused in fussing with the blanket and chanced a glance at him, my curiosity getting the better of me. “You… were aware of what was happening?”

He gave a soft huff of laughter. “More than you know. Leo and I were arguing about it when the lights went out.” He frowned, a crease forming on his brow. “Don’t be mad at him, but it’s his fault we passed out. He, um… didn’t get any sleep after you two had that conversation last night. He kept working all night, trying to get Jasper and Rose online, and the exertion from yesterday and giving blood… He just pushed my body to its limit.”

This was weird. He was talking about his body as if it weren’t his own, and in a way, he was right. But there wasn’t any resentment in his voice, like I would expect there to be. After all, he’d just told me Leo had put his personal health in jeopardy.

Well, he might not be angry, but I was. First Leo flipped on everything he had been telling me, then he decided to push Grey’s body in some mindless pursuit to get Jasper and Rose online last night! How could he be so irresponsible? What was going on with him?

What was worse than the anger, however, was the pain. It hurt that Leo had treated Grey so callously. I had trusted him to take care of him, and now it seemed he was trying to show how much he really didn’t care. Or maybe he was resentful toward Grey because he had been so confident that his feelings for me were genuine, so he was overreacting toward him?

I wasn’t sure, but it needed to end.

“I’m sorry,” I told him carefully, around clenched teeth. “I’ll make sure to talk to him about it when he wakes up.” I moved to stand up, but he made a small sound of protest that had me settling back down.

“Please don’t go,” he said softly. “I can tell you’re getting angry at him, and you need to understand… He’s hurting, Liana. He’s convinced himself that what he felt for you wasn’t real, but I think he’s wrong. I think—”

“He told you,” I gasped, descending the few inches I had risen during my first attempt to leave, suddenly needing to sit down. My stomach churned, his betrayal stabbing even deeper. He didn’t have the right to do that; it was my responsibility, my conversation to have with Grey. Everything in my mind went blank, until I couldn’t even think of how to respond. “He shouldn’t have done that. Your memory isn’t even fully restored!”

Grey gave me a lopsided smile. “I don’t have all of my memories of us yet, but I’m sure you know me well enough to understand how I can be when someone’s keeping a secret from me. Besides, you have no idea what this is like—how intrusive it is on both our sides! I’m awake, which means I know what’s going through his mind, and he knows what’s going through mine. Believe me when I say he had to tell me, because he couldn’t keep himself from thinking about you. I told him—”

I turned my face away from him in a move that was completely reflexive, but one I was grateful for. I couldn’t listen to Grey trying to validate Leo’s feelings for me. The guilt was too strong, the situation too weird, and I had no idea how to interpret it. He should be angry with me! Furious at my betrayal, sickened by the very sight of me. I was pretty sure that was how I would react should our positions be reversed, but here Grey was, defending him.

Scipio help me, what if Leo was only giving Grey bits and pieces of his memories with me? Could he do that? Would he? If so, it would certainly explain why Grey wasn’t as angry as he had every right to be.

I needed to stop talking with Grey. I needed answers about exactly what Leo was doing to him before I could have this conversation with him. But Leo wasn’t up, which meant leaving, and not coming back until Leo was awake and could account for his actions.

“Liana?”

I steadied myself and turned back to face him, forcing my mouth into something resembling a smile. “I need to go,” I told him. “You need to rest.”

Grey sighed and flopped his head against the pillow in irritation. “Stop treating me like a child. You and Leo clearly have feelings for each other, even though you and I had something going on when this first happened. It really wasn’t that difficult to put together.”

My cheeks flushed in abject humiliation, and I once again looked away, too embarrassed for words. So Leo had given him all his memories. Guilt slammed into me that I had doubted him, and then remounted when I realized that meant Grey did understand what I had done to him.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m so very sorry.”

“Stop it.” His words and tone confused me, and I risked a glance over my shoulder to find him watching me, his eyes brighter and clearer than they had been a few moments ago. “Don’t you ever apologize for developing feelings for someone. I’ve been with Leo for a little over twelve hours, and even I think he’s pretty cool. He certainly made better use of my body than I ever did.” At my questioning glance, he explained, “Leo showed me some of the vid files from the Tourney when I didn’t believe that I had joined the Knights to participate in it. He… He certainly can fight. It makes sense that you started to rely on him.”

I didn’t understand him. He was taking this so casually, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. This was really out of character, considering how bossy and jealous he had been before. “Why aren’t you more upset about this?”

The mattress squeaked slightly under his weight as he rolled to his side, making sure not to disturb his fluid bag. “Well, I’m not going to lie and tell you that I haven’t changed. It’s weird… I have these memories of being afraid, being alone, being abandoned, and having those feelings driving some of my reactions, but now… they don’t seem to affect me as badly as they used to.” He chuckled. “Then again, I don’t know. Maybe almost dying changed something in me, or maybe it’s the way that Leo is giving me back my memories. I feel more level-headed and self-aware then I ever did before, and it’s nice to have that sort of clarity. Puts things into perspective.”

“Like?” I asked, unable to help myself.

“Like you,” he replied with a smile, meeting my gaze. “Of course, I’m only starting to remember you, but Leo tells me that we cared about each other very deeply. And it makes sense, considering how I remember feeling the first time I saw you.”

“Oh?” The sound was soft, barely pushed out from my throat—I was too afraid of letting my breath out for fear of disturbing his words. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to understand what was going on inside of him.