The Friends We Keep

Hayley didn’t want to spend more than twenty dollars. Which meant she could get both dresses plus a couple of tops.

Nicole found a few shirts and shorts for Tyler while Hayley looked through the women’s shirts. There was a nice green blouse that looked as if it had never been worn. As she slipped it off the hanger, it drifted to the floor. She bent over to pick it up only to realize a half second too late that she’d stood up too fast. The room spun, folding at the corners before she could grab on to the rack.

Nicole was immediately at her side. “Are you okay?”

“Just dizzy.” Hayley straightened and forced herself to breathe slowly. The room steadied. She smiled. “I have low blood pressure. It’s not hard for me to get light-headed. Don’t worry.”

“I do worry.” Nicole’s gaze was sympathetic. “You’re still recovering, aren’t you?”

Hayley nodded. “It takes longer each time.”

Her friend squeezed her hand. “That was your third miscarriage?”

“My fifth.”

“That many? Is that okay for your body?” Nicole shook her head. “Sorry. That was the wrong question to ask. Do you need to get something to eat? Would that help?”

“I have a sandwich back at the office. I’ll be fine.” Hayley never knew how much people wanted to hear. She also didn’t know how much she wanted to listen to. Tell someone you’d miscarried and chances were they had advice. Especially women who’d had successful pregnancies, like Nicole.

Was it worth it? Did she have the right doctor? What about adoption? Sometimes Hayley wanted to grab the speaker and shake them. Really? Was it possible she and Rob hadn’t already had that conversation fifty-seven times?

“I have a protein bar with me,” her friend said. “You’re welcome to it.”

“Thanks.” She held up the blouse that had fallen. “I think it’s pretty.”

“Me, too. With white or khaki now and with black in the winter.” Nicole smiled. “It’s not like we have to worry about it getting too cold in January. A light sweater over that top would be great.”

Hayley relaxed. “Thank you for not lecturing me.”

“Not my business.”

“That doesn’t seem to matter to most people.”

“The heart wants what it wants. Having a baby by carrying it to term is important to you.”

The right words, Hayley thought. “But you don’t get it.”

“I don’t have to. I’m not dealing with what you are.”

No one was. At least Nicole understood that. But she was only one of a few. Nearly everyone else wanted Hayley to get over it. To accept reality and adopt.

Nicole unbuttoned the blouse and held it out. “Let’s see how you rock this. Then we’ll buy what we found and head back to work. On the way, we’ll splurge with a latte at Latte-Da.”

“They’ll cost more than this blouse.”

Nicole grinned. “Which is what makes it a splurge.”

*

Gabby, we know you can hear us. Gabby, we love you. Come back to the kitchen and eat us.

Gabby wasn’t sure which was more psychotic—hearing the cookies downstairs calling to her, or wanting to answer.

It was her own fault, she reminded herself. Her family was perfectly happy with store-bought cookies. But did she buy those? Of course not. Instead she made them from scratch so the smell of chocolate and peanut butter wafted through the entire house.

It was day six of her diet. Day six of being hungry and annoyed and had she mentioned hungry? She missed sugar and bread. She missed not caring about what she was going to eat next. She missed the feeling of being so full that she never wanted to eat again. Even if that only lasted for a few hours. These days she was either starving or ravenous, there wasn’t much in between.

She reminded herself that she’d already lost two pounds and that she didn’t give a rat if it was only water weight. The scale was going down. She would be strong. She was strong. Hear her roar. Or maybe that was just her stomach.

She sorted the load of laundry by owner, then started folding. In theory she could take Makayla’s clothes back to her and the teen would fold them, but sometimes that wasn’t worth the argument. Which made her just as guilty as Andrew on the mixed-message front. Of course, it was tough to be strong when she was weak from hunger.

“I can do that.”

She turned as her stepdaughter walked into the master.

“Those are mine,” Makayla said. “I’ll fold them.”

“Thanks,” Gabby said, even as she glanced out the window to see if day was now night and it was raining some strange animal. As the weather seemed completely normal, she pushed the pile of whites to the other side of the bed.

In her shorts and a loose tank top, her hair pulled back in a braid, Makayla seemed younger than usual. More approachable. Jasmine lay tucked between the decorative pillows on the bed and stuck out a paw to catch stray socks.

“School’s going to start soon,” Gabby said, not sure if she was supposed to make conversation or wait for Makayla to talk. “Your sophomore year is a big one.”