The Friends We Keep

“Do your foster parents come visit you?” she asked.

“Naw. They’re busy. There are other kids and I can take care of myself.”

Sadness swept through her, although she did her best not to show it.

“What do you like to read?” she asked.

“Everything. Adventure stories are my favorite. But I’m not picky. I’m a fast reader.” He glanced around as if making sure they were alone. “Don’t tell anyone, but I really like the Harry Potter books. Even though they’re for kids.”

“You’re a kid.”

Noah flashed her a smile. “Sometimes. Did you know at the new theme park, they have a replica of the train? And you catch it from Platform 9—”

“I didn’t,” she admitted. “I read the books, but I haven’t been to the park.”

“I’m going,” Noah told her. “One day. You know, when I’m grown up.”

Because there was no one to take him now. If his foster parents didn’t bother to visit, she was sure there was no way they would take him on vacation.

She wanted to say she could help. That she and Rob would pay for the trip. But who would he go with? He didn’t have anyone.

“What are you reading now?” she asked.

He held up the book. “The Hunger Games. I’ve read it before. It’s good. Violent. I find it strange that there are so many books written about this country after a big disaster, but things are never better. Why is that? You’d think if there was a big war or something we’d learn our lesson and act right.”

“That wouldn’t be a very interesting story.”

“I guess not.”

Hayley studied the boy on the bed. “Okay, this is going to sound totally weird and you can for sure say no, but would you like me to read to you for a bit?”

Noah stared at her for a long time, then held out the book. “That would be nice.”

*

Despite the talk she’d had with Hayley, despite her promise to be strong, Nicole had come to the conclusion that there was only one solution to the Jairus problem. And that was not to see him anymore.

She sat across from him at Latte-Da, their untouched lattes between them.

“I have a bad feeling about whatever you want to talk about,” he told her. “Nicole, don’t.”

“You have no idea what I’m going to say.”

“I don’t have to. I can feel it. You’re scared. I get that. I’m scared, too. I haven’t been in love in a long time and I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I love you and I love Tyler. Don’t punish me for that.”

If he wanted to hurt her, he’d found exactly the right words. “Jairus, there are a lot of things I have to consider.”

“No. There aren’t. I know Eric hurt you. I know you’re worried about making another mistake. I know you have Tyler to consider. Don’t give up on us. Don’t walk away.”

He stretched his arms toward her. “Nicole, I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and grow old with you. I want to give you everything I have, be there for you.”

His words hammered against her. They were wonderful and painful and while a part of her wanted to say yes, a thousand times yes, the rest of her said to run. To escape while she could, while neither she nor Tyler would be damaged.

“I can’t,” she whispered.

He put his hands on his lap. “Do you love me?”

She hung her head. Was that what it came down to? “I don’t know.”

“You said you do. Before. I think that’s what frightens you the most. Loving me. Knowing I’m not going anywhere. Because to make this work, you have to be all in and you’re not comfortable with that. You want to hold a piece of yourself back.”

He rose and walked around to stand next to her. “I won’t accept that. I want everything you have, Nicole. No holding back. No excuses. Just your heart.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere. Take your time. I love you. That’s not going to change.”

And then he was gone.

She sat in front of her cooling drink and did her best not to cry. This was better, she told herself. This made sense. Being safe. Making the sensible decision. She and Tyler were fine on their own. If it was just the two of them, she could keep him safe. Yes, their world was smaller, but wasn’t it worth it? To be sure?

She reached across the table. There was no one there to take her hand. No one to smile at her. To laugh. To say the right thing. She felt herself weakening. Jairus wasn’t Eric.

But he also didn’t come with any guarantees. Eric had promised to love her forever. She would accept the divorce, but not that he’d walked away from his own son. That he’d sent papers from his lawyer so he never had to see Tyler again. Because it was too much trouble.

She wanted assurances. She wanted to know and all Jairus could do was promise. In her world, a promise simply didn’t count. Not anymore.

*