The Friends We Keep

“Sorry. This one seems to be very on the nose. Am I wrong?”


Nicole led the way back to her living room. “No. I wish you were, but no.”

“Are you dying to paint over it?”

“Every day. The cans are in the hall closet.”

They sat on the sofa. Glasses of iced tea waited on the table, along with a plate of new pineapple Paleo muffins Nicole had made that morning.

Hayley took a sip of her drink, then pointed at the muffins. “Are they gross?”

“They’re weird, but not gross.”

“You don’t need to lose weight.”

“I know. I’m just trying to eat more healthy.”

“Good for you. I’d rather have chocolate.” Hayley put down her glass. “So what’s the problem?”

Talk about the blunt question. “Jairus makes me uncomfortable.”

“How and why?”

Nicole resisted the urge to squirm. “He’s in love with me.”

“That bastard!”

“Stop it. You know what I mean. He’s nice. He’s affectionate. He shows up when he says, he’s good to Tyler. He painted a Brad the Dragon mural. He’s good in bed.”

Hayley raised her eyebrows. “I want more details on that last one, but not now. We’re not getting distracted from the main point.”

“I don’t want to think about the main point.”

“Which is kind of the problem.” Hayley sighed. “So I’m just going to say it. Are you braced?”

Nicole crossed her arms over her chest and drew in a breath. Before she nodded, she reminded herself that she’d wanted to talk to her friend for a reason. To figure out what was wrong. To understand the gnawing sense of panic that filled her whenever she thought about Jairus and her relationship and the future.

“Go,” she said firmly.

“You’re scared.” Hayley shrugged. “You picked Eric and he was a dud, so now you’re gun-shy. It’s hard to risk yourself, to give your heart. You’re older now, you have a son and a life. Jairus is too good to be true. He’s nice and sweet and funny and successful. What if he breaks your heart? What if he breaks Tyler’s heart?”

“I know. I worry.”

“Which makes you want to run. But here’s the thing, Nicole. The real problem isn’t what might happen. The real problem is you. You don’t think you deserve him. For whatever reason, you don’t believe you’re good enough.”

Nicole scooted back on the sofa. Her face got hot and she didn’t know where to look. “That’s not true!”

“It is.” Hayley’s voice was soft. “I don’t know if it’s because of your mom or how you never made it as a dancer or what, but you don’t believe in yourself. You have a successful business and a great kid and you own your own home. You’re amazing. But you don’t see that. It took you nearly six months to get the courage to buy a new car, even though you needed one and had the money. You’re so scared of getting it wrong, you retreat rather than go forward. You don’t try and therefore you lose out. It’s like when you need clothes. You buy used rather than new. Which is fine, except in your case, it’s a symptom.”

Hayley leaned forward. “You don’t have to start buying designer, but indulge yourself a little. You’ve earned it. Trust your judgment. I get playing it safe. I do, but men like Jairus don’t come around very often. Wouldn’t it be horrible to lose him just because you’re scared?”

Nicole sank her teeth into her lower lip. Hayley was wrong. About all of it. Hayley didn’t understand. Nicole wasn’t like that. She couldn’t be. She was...

“I’m a mess,” she admitted. “Oh, God. What if you’re right? I’m a total wreck.”

“You’re not. Stop it. You can’t only hear the bad stuff. Conversations don’t work that way. You have to hear the good stuff, too. Look at all you’ve done. Have a little faith in yourself, Nicole.”

Was that possible? Faith? Admitting the good stuff. She wasn’t sure why it terrified her, but it did.

“If Jairus up and left today,” her friend said. “What would you do?”

“I don’t know. Miss him. Help Tyler understand what had happened. Be hurt. Be mad.”

“Would you sell your business?”

“What? Of course not. That has nothing to do with him.”

“And the house? You’d keep it?”

Nicole saw where Hayley was going. “You’re saying that I would survive. That I would keep on with my life. That Jairus is great but he’s not the center of my universe.”

“Something like that.”

There was too much to think about. Too much to understand. It was all so confusing.

“He loves you,” Hayley reminded her. “This I know for sure. Love doesn’t come along every single day. You have to make your own decisions, but if it were me, I’d hang on with both hands.”

Hanging on was scary, but losing him was worse. Nicole sighed, then looked at the coffee table. “I have M&M’s in the pantry.”

“A much better choice. See, you can do the right thing.”

Nicole laughed. “I’m not sure picking M&M’s over a Paleo muffin is exactly the same as committing to Jairus.”

“Maybe not, but it’s a start.”