But I wasn’t completely listening to her, because my mind was somewhere else.
I wanted to keep telling Alyssa how amazing she was at the piano recital, how she was better than everyone else who performed. How she made me feel alive just from how her fingers played the keys. How she made my eyes never falter from her the whole time. How when she hugged me, I wanted to never let her go. How I sometimes thought about her when I was doing random things like brushing my teeth, or combing my hair, or searching for clean socks. I wanted to tell her everything I was thinking because all my thoughts were her.
I wanted to tell her how I felt about her. I wanted to tell her how I was falling for her. I wanted to tell her how I loved her wild hair, and loved her mouth that was always chattering about something or another.
I wanted to…
“Logan,” she whispered, frozen still on the sidewalk. My hands somehow landed against her lower back and I guided her closer to me. My breaths were falling from my lips as they hovered inches away from her mouth. Her hot exhales were mixing deep with my heavy inhales as both of our bodies shook in each other’s hold. “What are you doing?”
What was I doing? Why were our lips so close? Why were our bodies pressed against each other? Why could I not break my stare? Why was I falling in love with my best friend?
“Truth or lie?” I asked.
“Lie,” she whispered.
“I’m fixing the flower in your hair,” I said, combing her curls behind her ear. “Now ask me again.”
“What are you doing?” she asked as I moved closer, feeling her words brush against my lips.
“Truth or lie?”
“Truth.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” I told her. “Not even just now, I mean all the time. Morning, afternoon, night, you’re on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about kissing you, either. I can’t stop thinking about kissing you slow. It has to be slow, though. Because the slower it goes, the longer it will last. And I want it to last.”
“That’s the truth?” she softly spoke, staring at my lips as she hiccupped once.
“That’s the truth. But if you don’t want me to kiss you, I won’t. If you want me to lie, I’ll lie.”
Her eyes locked with mine, and her hands fell against my chest. My heartbeats hammered against her fingertips as she inched closer to me. She bit her bottom lip and a tiny smile found its way to her. “You’re my best friend,” she whispered, tugging on the bottom of her polka dot dress. “You’re the first person I think of when I wake up. You’re the one that I miss when you’re not lying in bed with me. You’re the only thing that ever felt right to me, Lo. And if I were honest, I’d say that I wanted you to kiss me. Not just once, but a lot.”
Our bodies wrapped together, and I felt her nerves racing through her as she kept hiccupping.
“Nervous?” I asked.
“Nervous,” she replied.
It was awkward, but at the same time felt exactly how I’d always hoped it would. Like we were meant to be.
I shrugged.
She shrugged.
I laughed.
She laughed.
I parted my lips.
She parted her lips.
I leaned in.
She leaned in.
And my life changed forever.
My hands wrapped tighter around her back as she kissed me. She kissed me harder and harder each passing second, almost as if she was trying to decide if this was real or not.
Was it real?
Maybe my twisted mind was making up fantasies as we stood against one another. Maybe in reality, I was merely dreaming. Maybe Alyssa Walters never even existed; maybe she was just someone I made up in my head to get me through my shitty days.
But if that was true, why did it feel so real?
We pulled our lips away from one another for a split second. Our eyes locked, and we stared, as if we were both wondering if we could keep the dream alive, or if we should quit before we ruined the small, safe haven of our friendship.
Her face inched closer to mine as she ran her shaking hands through my hair. “Please,” she whispered into me. My lips grazed across hers, and her eyes faded shut before our mouths crashed together. Alyssa’s hands pulled me closer to her. She leaned in more and slid her tongue between my lips. I kissed her back harder than she kissed me. We fell against the closest building, and I lifted her up against the chilled stones. I wanted her more than she could’ve ever wanted me. Our kisses deepened, our tongues meeting each other as my mind made fake promises of allowing me to feel Alyssa against me forever.
I wasn’t making this up—her lips, the same lips I’d imagined against mine for so long, the same lips that always made smiles which brightened my days, they were kissing me.
I kissed my best friend, and she kissed me back.
She kissed me like she meant it, and I kissed her like she meant the world.
She is.
She is my world.
When we stopped kissing, both of our breaths were heavy. I lowered her feet back down to the ground.
She stepped backwards.
I did the same. Our bodies both trembled, as we stood unsure what to do next.
I shrugged.
She shrugged.
I laughed.
She laughed.