“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I was more than ready for an icy gaze as he turned to face me, but I was nowhere near ready for the level of disappointment that showed on his angry face. “It means two days ago, I agreed to play Spiderman and bring you home with me. It means I love you so fucking much that I was willing to risk your life just to spend more time with you. And two fucking days later, I’m already failing.”
My stomach sank, and the air between us became too thick to breathe. “You aren’t failing. I just wanted to visit a kid!”
He lifted the cigarette to his lips for another drag. “Then what?”
I opened my mouth to reply, only I didn’t have an answer at all. I had no fucking clue what came next. It was just an impulse to help someone. It wasn’t the spiral down I was quickly realizing he was convinced I was going to take.
“That’s what I thought,” he whispered on a cloud of smoke. “Eventually, you’d end up back on that bridge.” He wrenched his eyes shut.
“Sam, I won’t let that happen again. I swear.”
Scratching the back of his head, he announced, “I think you need to go back to Maine, Levee.”
“No!” I cried, taking a giant step toward him. “Listen to me, please. I won’t go to Indiana. It was just a gut reaction to seeing that video. I came out here to get your honest opinion.”
He looked at the ground, shaking his head. “Well, you got it, didn’t you?”
“Look at me,” I ordered, and his eyes immediately lifted to mine. “I don’t need to go back to Maine. I made the appointments with the doctor. I’m trying here.”
“Are you?” He tipped his head in question. “I mean, are you really?”
“Yes, I really am.”
He put his cigarette out and lit another. “Then why haven’t you called Stewart? You’ve told no one about the break you so adamantly promised me you were gonna take. Henry didn’t even know when I mentioned it last night.”
“You were talking to Henry?”
“We’re both worried about you, Levee.”
I didn’t know why I was so shocked by the fact that they were communicating without me, but even in the midst of an argument, it warmed me in all the right places.
“Oh. Well. I just haven’t had a chance to tell him yet. That’s all.”
Sam’s eyes flashed back to the door of his shop, which he stared at for entirely too long. I wasn’t sure what was going on inside his head, and when I was about to ask, he whispered, “I’m scared.”
“What?” I asked, walking closer so I could hear him better.
He cleared his throat but kept his eyes on the door. “I said, ‘I’m scared.’” Then his empty eyes lifted to mine. “I think you want to take your life back. I really fucking do. But I’ll be honest here: I’m not equipped for this. I thought I could do it, but I was wrong. Remember when you told me about that feeling you had in your stomach—like you were falling?”
I nodded as tears welled in my eyes.
“That’s exactly how I felt when you walked in here. My stomach dropped the moment I saw the anxiety in your eyes. I feel it every night when I watch you fall asleep.”
Oh, God. “The free fall,” I whispered.
“It’s terrible, but I was so fucking relieved when I realized it was just a sick kid you were upset about.”
I inhaled deeply then closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I jumped in surprise when his arms suddenly folded around me.
“No. I’m sorry. I should have pushed harder for you to stay in Maine. Levee, I love having you here. I’m just terrified that I’m going to fail you too.” He squeezed me painfully tight, burying his face in my hair. “I can’t lose you too.”
I hated the idea of leaving more than I could ever adequately express, but when I closed my eyes and put myself in his shoes, I understood why he needed me to go. And, above and beyond all the stuff about his past, there was absolutely nothing in the world I wouldn’t do to extinguish the free fall for him.