The rubber he didn’t have.
He dropped his head to her shoulder and groaned, even as she stroked his hair and asked, “What?”
“I don’t have protection, baby.” He took a deep breath and fought down the panic that surged forward when it felt like he was fucking up. He had to remind himself Brianna wasn’t going to call Mary and complain, but still he worked like she might on instinct. “I can do other things. I can make it hot.”
“I’m on the pill, Tino,” Brianna reminded him. “I’ve been on it for years. Since before that night at your old apartment. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“But I’m—” He pulled up and looked at her, except she didn’t seem to understand. “We should use something.”
“Is there something wrong with you?” she asked in concern.
“No, I’m healthy. I get tested. I still get tested all the time. It’s like a paranoid thing I do even though they keep telling me I’m fine. I haven’t worked since, well, you know how long it’s been, and I don’t fuck off the clock. I haven’t ever. Not once. Just fooled around with you a little. That’s it.”
“Okay,” Brianna said slowly and stroked his hair away from his face again. “So, why do we need something?”
“I just thought you’d wanna use something since I’m me,” he mumbled. “Forgetting is a major fuckup.”
“I don’t want to use anything. If you’re healthy and I’m healthy, we don’t need to use something. This isn’t a job, Tino. This is just me loving you. I want to feel you. All of you.”
“I wouldn’t hurt you,” he said quickly. “I would never hurt you, Bri.”
Brianna was obviously done talking about it, because she tugged his head down. He flinched again, but she wasn’t letting him get away with it. She licked his lips, and when he didn’t kiss her back, she caught his bottom lip like she had in the car.
Something about it made Tino hot all over, like burning-up, could-barely-breathe hot, and he had to open to her, letting her push her tongue in his mouth, and he loved that she was so fucking bold.
Fearless.
Too fearless.
He decided he wasn’t going to think about it. He’d deal with her recklessness later. She’d been helping him deal with his shit, but Brianna only had one first time, and the truth was he wanted to make it good for her to erase how absolutely fucked-up his was. He knew it couldn’t undo what happened, but Tino was good at pretending.
Brianna’s first time had to be beautiful for both of them.
She moaned and pulled away from him when he slipped his hand between their bodies and touched her, finding her still slick, so he pushed one finger in. He curved it up, stroking her in the right way to watch her arch her back. She thrust her hips against his hand and bit her lip, already breathless for more, making it way too easy for him.
When she tossed her head to the side, he kissed the curve of her neck, licking it, watching the goose bumps spread down her arm while she kept pushing her hips against his hand over and over, urging him on as she got more and more breathless, panting and desperate.
His cock jerked when he stopped.
He wanted her completely mindless, because he wasn’t exactly small, and she was tight in a way he wasn’t used to. He wasn’t a moron. He knew he could make it good as long as he wasn’t rashly shoving it in, even if everything in him wanted it just like that. He wanted to fuck her hard and fast enough to forget about Mary.
But he didn’t; he tortured himself instead.
Touching her until she was right on the edge, and then stopping before she came so that Brianna was left quivering from the need, with a fine shine of sweat glimmering on her skin in the afternoon sunlight. She was getting angry too, just a little bit, but that was okay.
She was from Brooklyn.
He would’ve been disappointed if there wasn’t some bite to her.
“What the fuck, Tino.” She moaned and gripped at his shoulder, digging her nails in to the point that it hurt when he stopped short of making her climax for the third time. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I don’t wanna hurt you. The wetter you are, the needier you are, the less it’ll—”
“Are you kidding me right now?” She dug her nails in deeper, breaking skin as she pushed her hips up against his stomach. “Just put it in. Lemme feel it. I don’t care if it hurts.”
“I care.”
“I hurt every day,” she reminded him. “Asshole. I like the hurt.”
She kept bitching him out, desperate in her desire, like not totally there and much more carnal than he expected from his good-girl dancer who always made him study when he was in school, and was disciplined about everything.
And that was doing it for Tino.
Big-time.