Baldwin paced the parlor in long strides, only hesitating when he pivoted back to walk the opposite way. All the while, his brain turned. It had been less than twenty-four hours since his brutal conversation with Matthew, but those hours had seemed like an eternity.
That feeling was made worse by the fact that Helena had not come down for supper the night before, nor for games afterward. Her uncle had looked very smug when he claimed she had a headache. Baldwin’s only comfort was that the servants who had taken a tray up to her had told him that she was well, not hurt. Just…hiding. Or imprisoned, like a princess in a tower.
Instead of riding to her rescue, Baldwin had spent a long night in his study. He’d gone over every ledger, every contingency, weighing each option as he tied himself in knots. He’d not come to a decision until he’d entered his chamber and felt a crushing disappointment that Helena hadn’t been there waiting for him again.
And so…here he was. With one thing left to do before he took the future in front of him with both hands. There would be consequences to that future.
His mother and Charlotte stepped into the parlor, with Ewan behind them. The two women were laughing and Ewan’s grin was wide. Baldwin took a moment to examine their happy faces. These were people he loved. He’d done so much to hurt them. He’d done so much to try to ensure he would never hurt them again.
Now he was going to hurt them all with the truth. And pray they could forgive him.
“Oh, Baldwin,” Charlotte said, her smile falling as she looked at him. “Oh, dearest, what is it?”
As his sister rushed across the room to hug him, Ewan closed the door, his gaze narrowing, his expressive face filled with support and love. Their mother stared at him, too, the color gone from her cheeks. She was the only one who had even an inkling of their troubles.
She was about to have more. He hoped she wouldn’t be crushed under the weight of it like he’d been all this time.
“I’m fine,” Baldwin said softly as he squeezed Charlotte’s hands in an attempt to reassure her. “Thank you all for coming to join me so early in the day.”
“What is it?” his mother asked, her voice shaking. “Something has happened?”
He held her stare, and in it he saw all her fear, all her strength. “Mama, it’s time they know the truth.”
The duchess buckled slightly and Ewan rushed forward to catch her elbow. Gently, he guided her to a settee and helped her take her place.
“Must you?” she whispered when she’d gathered herself. “Oh, Baldwin, must you?”
Charlotte stared back and forth between her mother and brother. Her sharp gaze was confused and anxious. “What is going on? What is the truth?”
Baldwin took her hand and took her to sit beside their mother. Ewan stood behind then, resting a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder. She reached up to cover it, and Baldwin found himself staring at the couple for a moment. This was love. This was support. This was everything.
“You’ve asked me numerous times in the past few years about my change in…mood,” he began. “Both you and Ewan have been concerned.”
The pair nodded together.
“Baldwin,” his mother whispered.
“It’s all right, Mama,” he reassured her. “They have a right to know and—and so do you, for you have been kept in the dark, as well.”
She tilted her head. “There’s more?”
Charlotte pursed her lips. “Will someone please explain what’s going on?”
Baldwin drew a deep breath. There was truly no way to do this except for quickly and efficiently. “The Sheffield entail is nearly devoid of all funds. There is almost nothing but the land.”
As their mother put her head in her hands with a soft sob, Charlotte stared at him, mouth dropped open. Ewan came around to stand beside the settee. He made a few hand signs and Charlotte forced herself to look at him.
“He—he’s asking you to clarify. There is nothing left?” She shook her head. “How is that possible, Baldwin? Did something happen? We never wanted for anything.”
Baldwin nodded slowly. “I know. Father kept his secrets very well. Mama and I knew nothing of the situation until I inherited and the ledgers were revealed. He was constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. He had debts all over the countryside.”
“How?” Charlotte whispered.
Baldwin flinched at the pained tone to her voice. He was crushing her illusions about her father. A man she had adored. He knew how she felt. He’d experienced the same thing.
“He had a compulsion,” Baldwin said softly. “To gamble. I saw it firsthand, though I didn’t know the consequences until it was far too late.”
“That is why you’ve been so dark, so dour, since you inherited,’” Charlotte translated as Ewan signed. “Why didn’t you talk to us? To your family or your friends?”
Baldwin bent his head. “Because I made it worse and I didn’t want you to judge me.”
His mother lifted her gaze and held his. “What?”
His cheeks grew heated. These were the parts she had never known. The parts he’d kept from her to protect himself. Now he forced himself to explain about his own bad choices. How he’d dug them in even further.
“I am humiliated,” he said when it was all out and the room had been silent for too long as his family digested his confession. “I didn’t want you to know.”
Charlotte had been staring at him as he spoke, but now she stood slowly. He watched, wary, as she moved toward him. Then she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him just as tightly as she ever had. Her voice trembled as she whispered, “How horrible that you felt you had to carry this burden alone. Oh, Baldwin, I’m so sorry.”
He drew back. “You’re sorry? I’m the one who has disillusioned you about our father and destroyed our family name.”
She shook her head. “I am disillusioned, of course. But that isn’t your doing—it’s his. He had many good qualities. Right now I am stunned, but this news doesn’t change how kind he could be. How supportive. How loving.”
Baldwin’s brow wrinkled. He’d been dealing with the fallout of his father’s bad behavior for so long that he hadn’t been able to recall those things that Charlotte said. Now they flooded back. His father teaching him to ride. His father praising him for successes and comforting him in his failures.
He swayed a little as those loving feelings returned. His sister’s gift to him.
“There’s more, I’m afraid,” he croaked out as he motioned Charlotte back to her seat.
His mother moaned anew. “Oh no.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry. There were three outstanding debts that I could not trace the source of. While we’ve been here, my solicitor has sent word that they’ve been bought by one private party.”
Ewan shook his head and signed as Charlotte translated, “Bought? Someone bought all three debts? Why?”
“I have no idea,” Baldwin said, holding Ewan’s stare and watching his friend’s face twist in horror at the possibilities.
“There can be no good reason,” Charlotte whispered.