I WAS MEANT TO DISAPPEAR, NOT CARLY!
I screamed and I screamed and I ran out of there as fast as I could there were so many people around the girls I only briefly see at dinner on the rare occasions I actually go to the hall and who I watch while they sleep now they were talking moving running laughing all of them in one place there were too many colors too many things too many people all around at once and I didn’t understand and I wanted to hide but the sun made everything so white and my eyes my eyes— They tried to talk to me: “Carly, what’s wrong?” “Carly?”
“Carly, what’s happened?” “Where is Carly going?”
Carly? Carly? Carly?
I screamed at them all.
Everything so hard, everything so fast. Winding up, not down.
Nothing muted, soft and safe. Everything there, so real and sharp!
I couldn’t handle it. I ran and ran and I didn’t know where I was going, only that the sky was blue and the grass was green and the colors were all wrong and too strong and my eyes— Shit… Shit.
The attic is always dark. Always safe.
What do I do? Where is she? How do I… what do I do?
Dee, please. If it’s you, stop laughing.
Dee, help me. Help me, Dee. What do I do?
I’m going to wait for sunset. If I discard into another day, I’ll know something at least. I’ll know Carly is safe. That she is now the night child and I’m now the day. Maybe we were always meant to flip around at some point… We really don’t know anything at all.
Except something is wrong. I can feel it inside me like I’ve lost a lung. I listen for my Voice, but there is nothing except silence. There has never been such silence, so I know he must be close.
I smell ashes and blood, and I don’t understand why I am here and Carly is not.
I need to get to the dorm; Carly will panic to wake here. I’ll be sure to leave her a note. If I don’t discard… if I’m alone. Dee, what happens then?
What happens when a kite loses its string?
5:00 pm, Dorm
The sun set.
From: RealxChick
To: AriHait558
Date: 14 November 2004
Subject: Losing My Shit
Ari, help me, I don’t know what to do—Carly’s gone. Shitshitshit, Ari, what do I do?
From: AriHait558
To: RealxChick
Date: 14 November 2004
Subject: Re: Losing My Shit
Kait? Are you okay? What’s happened?
From: AriHait558
To: RealxChick
Date: 14 November 2004
Subject: Re: Re: Losing My Shit
Are you there?
From: AriHait558
To: RealxChick
Date: 14 November 2004
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Losing My Shit
Kaitlyn, you’re scaring me—what’s going on? Where are you?
From: AriHait558
To: RealxChick
Date: 14 November 2004
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Losing My Shit
I’m going to the chapel. Meet me there.
40
79 days until the incident
Naida Camera Footage
Monday, 15 November 2004, 2:22 AM
Naida’s Dorm Clip #1
The screen is dark, but the muffled thump and corresponding “damn” indicate that the camera is recording.
A lamp goes on, and the screen takes a moment to adjust. The camera wobbles and points at the floor, where two socked feet appear in the circle of lamplight on the carpet.
“What kind of hour do you call this?” Naida mutters, walking to her door. She lifts the camera belatedly, and we get a brief view of her disheveled hair in the mirror on the back of the door before she opens it. She storms along the corridor and bangs on the next door over.
“Some of us are trying to sleep!”
A thud and then sobbing.
“Kaitlyn?”
Naida opens the door onto a scene of chaos. The bed is upturned, the bedcovers strewn across the floor. The bookcases are empty, the contents scattered about the room in violent disarray. Kaitlyn is huddled in a corner behind the bed, sobbing. She slams her head into the wall repeatedly, the sound loud and shocking. There are smudges of blood on the pale wallpaper.
“Oh, my God,” Naida breathes, moving forward, and we see her hand reaching outwards. “Kaitie—”
At the sound of Naida’s voice, Kaitlyn’s head shoots up, revealing puffy red eyes. She is holding a bottle of wine in her hands; it is almost empty.
Naida’s camera shakes. “Kait—”
Before she can finish, Kaitlyn jumps to her feet, wine bottle forgotten, and launches herself past Naida and out of the room. Naida follows, and we see a flash of Kaitlyn as she races out the fire exit.
“Kaitlyn, wait!”
“What’s going on?” a groggy voice calls from behind Naida.
Naida angles the camera on the sleepy face of Brenda. “Nothing. The fire escape blew open or something.”
“What’s happened?” Charlotte Leary says, opening her door. Then Maggie, farther along.
“What’s the banging?”
“Fire escape,” Naida says.
“Keep it down,” Brenda mutters, before withdrawing her head and slamming her door. Charlotte and Maggie withdraw too.
Naida turns the camera on herself. “Something’s up.”
The Dead House
Dawn Kurtagich's books
- The Bourbon Kings
- The English Girl: A Novel
- The Harder They Come
- The Light of the World: A Memoir
- The Sympathizer
- The Wonder Garden
- The Wright Brothers
- The Shepherd's Crown
- The Drafter
- The Dead Girls of Hysteria Hall
- The House of Shattered Wings
- The Nature of the Beast: A Chief Inspector Gamache Novel
- The Secrets of Lake Road
- The Appearance of Annie van Sinderen
- The Blackthorn Key
- The Girl from the Well
- Dishing the Dirt
- Down the Rabbit Hole
- The Last September: A Novel
- Where the Memories Lie
- Dance of the Bones
- The Hidden
- The Darling Dahlias and the Eleven O'Clock Lady
- The Marsh Madness
- The Night Sister
- Tonight the Streets Are Ours
- The House of the Stone
- Murder House