The Dead House

I don’t know which one I’m looking for. Each seems likely. When I first found the chapel, where no one goes, I walked around blind. The next night, I came with my flashlight and spent my hours swimming my way around the sad place, memorizing the blank graves.

Last year, I guarded this place with such jealousy that I never told Carly about it. When she asked me about my night in the Message Book, I lied, and it became a habit. Now all I do is lie.

“How are you tonight, Kait?” Oh, fine. Feeling good.

“What are you going to do tonight, Kaitie?” Probably read. Watch a movie in the common room. Have a blast.

“Are you okay, Kat?” Of course I am, Carly-bean.

“I love you.” Yeah.

How quickly the tables turn. Now I’m desperate for her to tell me something real, instead of the short little lies she feeds me. Her last message to me: “Everything’s going to be okay, Kaitie. I promise.”

What does that even mean?





21


131 days after the incident


Criminal Investigation Department, Portishead Headquarters

Avon and Somerset Constabulary, Portishead, Bristol

Monday, 13 June 2005, 14h56

AUDIO INTERVIEW #2: Detective Chief Inspector Floyd Homes (FH) and Dr. Annabeth Lansing (AL)

(FH): Detective Chief Inspector Floyd Homes, Avon and Somerset CID, interviewing Dr. Annabeth Lansing on the thirteenth of June 2005. Thank you for coming in again. For the record, I will once more ask you a few standard questions. You were Carly Johnson’s therapist?



(AL): Yes.



(FH): In what capacity were you treating Miss Johnson?



(AL): Psychologically. I was also responsible for administering psychotropic drugs to control various symptoms.



(FH): The DID. [Rustling of paper] The… dissociative identity disorder.



(AL): Yes, and later for early psychosis. She was hearing things. Sometimes seeing things. Her thought pattern was erratic.



(FH): How was this psychosis diagnosed?



(AL): Initially, Carly was an inpatient at Claydon. When she became stable enough that continued residence at Claydon became detrimental to her recovery, she was sent to Elmbridge High.



(FH): That is a rather well-known and well-thought-of school, am I correct?



(AL): Yes.



(FH): And how did a girl with a diagnosis of early psychosis end up there?



(AL): Claydon and Elmbridge have had a partnership agreement since the thirties. Elmbridge High is a top school in the academic leagues, but it is also a feeder for some of the Claydon children who have had psychiatric treatment but are not a danger to themselves or others. Depression. Anorexia nervosa. Persistent insomnia. A number of the Elmbridge staff consult for Claydon as well. Essentially, it allows them to classify their institution as a charity for tax purposes. And Miss Johnson wasn’t psychotic at that time.



(FH): Did Miss Johnson acclimatize well?



(AL): When Carly started at Elmbridge in September 2003, she seemed to be doing remarkably well, yes. She even made a friend or two. However, the Kaitlyn alter persisted, and she began to talk of seeing things. Shadows. A girl. And having feelings about other people being around at night.



(FH): Can you be more specific?



(AL): She described something touching her. No more.



(FH): So you were treating Carly for… emotional troubles?



(AL): Among other things.



(FH): Please elaborate.



(AL): I assume you have my therapy session notes. I received the court order. I surrendered everything I have.



(FH): Why don’t you just humor me, Doctor?



(AL): [Pause] Carly was overcompensatory in her affairs. She was… clingy. Needy. Chatty. Her emotional state was fragile at the best of times. Too heated, too scared, too timid. She would fluctuate between paralyzing shyness and overly tactile displays of affection. It was dangerous, given the chaotic nature of her Kaitlyn alter, who would climb onto roofs, drink, smoke, and cause a lot of trouble for herself. Carly was easily broken when someone said or did something she felt was either a betrayal or purposely cruel. She was anorexic—something she could control fastidiously—



(FH): And Kaitlyn, the alter, was anorexic also?



(AL): No.



(FH): Isn’t that unusual?



(AL): Not really, no. Carly was also paranoid. She was phobic; extremely so.



(FH): And superstitious?



(AL): Curiously, no. That was Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn was superstitious, which was her only unusual behavior. Yes, she was reclusive, depressive, hermetic, but these traits are common in this type of alter. She was clever, but morbid. Rather than have the phobias Carly suffered, the Kaitlyn alter was reckless. Self-harming, always wanting to push some kind of limit, to cross a line, whether she created that line or the law did.



(FH): How was it possible to treat such contrary conditions when they existed in one single human?



(AL): I used psychoanalysis, hypnosis, counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy, reasoning. Sometimes all she needed was an ear to listen or a restraining force. But… as time went on, Carly required medication.



(FH): Which drugs was she on?



(AL): Olanzapine at first. Later, haloperidol, lithium—